Debi

Annette - you sound exactly like an early stager - forget about being too new to be one!! I can't tell you how much I identify with what you said about your various pains and them being of course, cancer mets- I am like that to this day, only not as frequently. I currently have a nasty sore throat and am convinced, yes- you got it, its throat cancer. Chloesmom and I had countless PMs in the beginning with me asking 'what's an adrenaline gland?" and her replying "i've already searched it". Everything I read about, I worried I had. I couldn't believe that I might be one of the survivors- my life isn't that lucky! Bruce - so glad you finally made that right out of your driveway and made it to the beach!! And Linda, can I tell you how GOOD you sound??? You have MADE it girlfriend - you are on the other side of the fear- good for you!!! And Cindi - good to see you my friend -

hah! Okay, so I wish that I had a camera phone because I sure would have had some picture today! I went to the beauty school to get my hair cut and the hairdresser puts a pink cape on me, I'm thinking, okay its just pink. But as I'm watching in the mirror, I see on the front of the cape, a HUGE pink breast cancer ribbon over my left torso. The entire time she is cutting my hair, I am covered in this pink breast cancer cape. Not only that, but my hair is covered with pink clips since she uses those to hold it up while she's cutting. I didn't say anything - Its bad enough she is a student trying to cut my hair right - but I thought of the board and couldn't help grinning. There is so much humor in life - I start this post and 2 days later I'm the breast cancer advertisement in the salon chair complete with pink cape and matching pink hairclips like some caped breast cancer crusader. Who knew?

I am so incredibly sorry to read of Sandra's passing.

6. CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING-- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh. So Ginny --- we need to get out more apparently.

I remember when I had my surgery - even though the doctor said I had an 80% chance of making it to 5 years, I didn't believe him. The survivors on here really gave me hope - So I thought I would take a roll call of early stagers ---- I know that some of you just visit on occasion so I'll just sit and wait.... Come on in and tell us what you've been up to! Early Stage lurkers --- please come out and say hi too....

I'm not sure if anyone has posted a rant about October and Breast Awareness month yet - if not, please let me be the first--- I picked up my prescriptions at the pharmacy yesterday and the lids on the pills are PINK!!!!! Of course this sent my blood pressure totally through the roof (which ironically is what the pills are for). Now mind you, this has nothing to do with our fellow sufferers that have breast cancer, it is solely against the marketing (yes marketing) of breast cancer at the exclusion of all other cancers. Walmart and every other store you can think of, capitalizes on breast cancer like Hallmark does by inventing holidays. They have displays of pink items, because they will sell more if they are pink- October is like a pink wonderland. But we have had to fight for our first corporate sponsor. And then I get a mammogram and I am sat in a room, in a thick cushioned rocking chair no less, with one of those machines that has crickets chirping in the background and yoga music, and encased in a fluffy pink robe waiting for the technician. I can't help but think the money spent on the fluff could be better well spent elsewhere. True story - I was in the supermarket a few weeks ago and the cashier asked " would you like to make a donation for breast cancer" and, being in a pissy mood, I replied - "Not in this lifetime", ummm a bit too loud. I glanced to the left and there were 3 female faces standing in line behind me staring at me as if I were Satan. I thought about explaining how lung cancer takes far more women than breast cancer, etc - but to be honest, I just wasn't in the mood to explain myself that day. I am glad that 30 or so years ago women banded together and took breast cancer out from the shadows and put it where it belongs. It is proof that a small group of people can make a change. But there is still no cure for breast cancer or any cancer regardless of the billions of dollars that have been channeled that way. Let's put the money into other cancers, maybe the key to the cure will be found in research for lung cancer or any of the other cancers that loom in the shadows of the great pink marketing tool. That all said, our voices are being heard. When I first came on this board, there was barely a lung cancer walk anywhere. Times are a changing I suppose but I am an impatient person and there have been too many good people lost on the battlefield. I want better opportunities for those that are coming. I'm involved in the Department of Defense Peer Review Panel and am overwhelmed with all the different theories out there for research into possible cures and better therapy for lung cancer. I am very glad that the DOD is now funding money for lung cancer but the 20 million seems so small next to the 138 million or so that is for breast cancer research. Sorry this post is long and choppy and hope I haven't offended anyoen- I'm just pinked out already- I just don't want the damn pink lids. Its bad enough that the same drug store chain that is giving me pink lids still sells cigarettes... but that's an entirely different rant...

Congrats on the 3 years Patti!!

Awesome Barb - congrats!! :-)

OMG PAM---- I almost missed this!! I cannot believe that it is 5 years... your 1st year felt like 5 years - you were more neurotic than me if that's possible!!!! I KNEW that you would be here typing this, I TOLD you so!!! I hope these days you are able to look forward and that you are living, for the most part, worry free. You deserve it. Congrats - it makes me smile seeing you here whenever I come by.

Well Geri, I haven't drank in 28 years but this news almost makes me want to have a celebratory drink.... Congratulations to you --- your Indian name is now "one who kicks cancer a**. "

Congrats Carol - what great news!!!

Wow Kasey ---- 5 years!!!!! I get the survivors guilt - and understand how your anniversary is particularly poignant. But I also remember sitting across from you at Katie's table in Texas and listening to you talk about how you made your funeral arrangements because everyone was so sure you were going to die, including yourself. How you had no hope --- how the doctors had given you no hope and how you set out to make things easier on your family. I don't have great recall -- but I remember listening to you and not even breathing because you painted such a vivid picture of your hopelessness. And here you are to give hope. Congrats-

I just happened to come by this evening and saw your post! I am a 6 plus year survivor, diagnosed at Stage 1a. I had surgery, and had 2 lobes of my right lung removed. Today I have no problems, my life is 'normal', I go to the gym, etc and there are no traces of the cancer. Please, please ask your mom to keep an open mind to the surgery. So many lung cancer patients are diagnosed too late for surgery and would give anything for that opportunity. In the beginning, I never understood when people said I was 'lucky' because I could have surgery --- today I understand. The surgery is doable, I am a big chicken and was never sick in my life, so I am a good judge! The pain meds afterward keep things in check. Ultimately of course, this is her decision. Just wanted to let you and her know, as the others before me, that surgery is a good option. Best wishes...

I just happened to stop in here and saw this post. Funny because lately I have been really craving a cigarette, have been enjoying the ocassional whiffs of smoke that come from other people's cigarettes (better known as second hand smoke lol). One day I came real close to actually asking for a cigarette from someone, but I know that as soon as I light one up, there will be many more to follow. And I know that if I wait, the craving passes. Other than the most obvious - I really don't miss the inconvenience of them - the sitting on a plane literally jonesing for a cigarette, excusing myself from dinner so I can go outside and smoke because I can't make it through and the hundreds of other scenarios.. The only way I could quit was by having my surgery and not being able to get out to smoke afterwards. I don't want to have to do THAT again! I never could stop on my own so I know if I light one up, its for good. I'm not going to smoke again, but sometimes even after everything, I wish that I could.

Linda, I knew you were going to make it! Congratulations on your clear CT and your (now) 3 years!!!

Gail, I am absolutely thrilled for you - I can't believe your son graduated college!!!!! How cool is that????? My son is going into 5th grade - I remember you sharing your fears with me when I came on - my son wasn't even in pre-school yet. The last day of school this year I dropped him off and saw all the posters lined up for the elementary school graduates and had to pull over - I was crying already, a year in advance!! lol So I can only imagine how you felt to see your son's college ceremony. Wow!!!! Congratulations Gail.

My 6 year anniversary was last Monday. Like my friend Gail, so much has happened this last year. Probably the biggest event was that the position that I relocated for 2 1/2 years ago is gone- my company is outsourcing most of their work to Central America and closing all their call centers. The timing was bad for my site - the lease came up and the company decided not to renew. I was offered another position, but I thought it was time to take my severance and run and find something new. How amazing huh? That I actually think these days that there are NEW things out there waiting to be done!! By ME!!! IN the meantime I am taking at least the summer off to roam with my son, how lucky am I to have the opportunity to do that?? I remember a few years ago when I reluctantly bought a car, when it was so hard to plan for a future. I had said that I hoped eventually I would feel confident enough in my future to buy a house - and 2 months ago I did so, I bought a condo. The payments are reasonable enough that I will be able to survive- my main objective was to downsize so that I could pay the bills even if I don't find a comparable job to the one I left. I also lost weight this past year, so far I lost 62 pounds and want to lose 25 more. I hardly put the TV on anymore, my once nightly escape has faded into the background this year as I have begun to participate fully again in real life. Oh, and I got two more ladybugs tattooed on my hand this past week. I have decided that the future holds good things for me. I didn't survive for it not to. And if good things don't come my way, then I just have to go find them-how exciting is that? Finally, my life is fun again.

Amanda, I came on here today after being off the board for awhile and was very saddened to see your post. Your dad's quiet strength, kindness, and matter of fact attitude will be so missed. My sympathies to you and your family.

So glad to see you had good news Marie!

I decided to venture into the mall late this afternoon with my son, against my better judgement. We were in one department store, and it was just filled with Christmas 'stuff', wall to wall, pretty much everything you could think of. Suddenly, I was just overcome with the fact that I was standing in this store, breathing in Christmas, on this day after Thanksgiving, the sixth Thanksgiving since I was diagnosed. Just the wonder of Christmas, the undefinable awe that I'm alive overwhelmed me and my eyes started to fill. I wanted to share my gratitude with other shoppers, I wanted to let them all know how lucky they were to be there and what a gift it was. But of course I didn't tell anyone, I fanned my eyes so the tears would dry up and I wouldn't totally mortify my son, and kept shopping. There's a thin line between being grateful and crazy in public. I find myself overwhelmed quite often lately, on a pretty day when the clouds are amazingly beautiful, when the snow comes - I even found myself watching and marveling at the path a raindrop made when it slowly slid down my office window last week. I tear up often, unexpectedly - this overpowering wonder hits me, and I have to fight back the tears. I love the smells of candles, of perfumes, of soaps - I unscrew the lids off of everything at the store - shampoos, laundry soap, dishwasher soap - because I want to fill my senses with it all. I feel textures constantly. And most of all I look at everything, just the amazing colors and shapes that life holds. Everything is so vivid. I see meaning in art. I am thinking of taking up photography because if I could somehow translate how everything looks to me, I could show others how life looks to someone who didn't think she would have one. I'm alive. I couldn't share my gratitude with strangers, but I wanted to share it here, with friends.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND MURIEL!!!!!!!!!!! I won't mention which one it is.... Who woulda thought when we were both googling years ago that we would both be here celebrating (I'm eating leftover pie in your honor!)! Hope you had a wonderful day!

A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. 'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams. 'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her.' Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this,' She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Do not do a single thing until I get there. I am calling my brother back, and we will both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says, 'they're coming for Thanksgiving and they are paying their own way.'

I'm not sure I would change my wardrobe as much as I would expand it....

Man, you're good!! It's actually if you take the first letter and put it at the end of the word, the word reads the same backward but you certainly got it. The most I came up with was double consonants in each word.