LovesLife

FANTASTIC news ... prayers being said for continued good results. Linda

Good morning Jackie and friends: Grateful that I have not caught the cold that has been circulating in our household as of yet. Grateful for my "critters" who help me see what true, unconditional love is day after day. Grateful for trials and new medicines that continue to come into play in an effort to help the many people affected by cancer. Linda

Grateful to my hairdresser who will today once again make my grey hairs magically disappear - gotta love her! Grateful that Jackie's eyesight is excellent - I laughed about your comment you will at least see where you are going, even if you don't know where you are going. My grandmother said that often - you really do speak so much like her! Amazing. Grateful to you today Jackie for reminding me how much I still love and miss my Nan and for the many beautiful memories I have of her. Linda

Additional thanks to Shelley, Rich, Donna G, Wendy, Christine and Katie for the warm welcome. Oops, I can see one doesn't always get the exact/correct information when simply reading through the posts. Sorry about the mix-up with Dave Grant and thanks for clearing it up for me. I do gather through reading over the past year that everyone absolutely LOVED him and he was a very huge part of supporting and caring for fellow lung cancer survivors and their families. What you and Rick have done Katie is absolutely amazing - what a Blessing this site is for so many. Coming out of "lurk-hood" actually makes me feel a little less sneaky/spy-like, if you know what I mean. Glad to be here with you all! Linda

Grateful that God has instilled us with a fighting spirit. Nova - you and Harry are absolute proof of that! You are right ... neither of you are "whipped" yet - glad you had that attitude upon wakening this morning. Linda

Welcome Bryan - I am so sorry you have to be here, but it is nice that you can be your dad's advocate. I don't have any experiences similar to your dad's to share, but I just wanted to welcome you to this wonderful site. Linda

Grateful for the wonderful teachers that educate my children and welcome them back to school today. Linda

Aaron ... adding my heartfelt prayers to all the others that you feel better every day. Linda

Grateful that the year end for business is going smoothly (to date). Grateful for my good health, each and every day. Grateful for everyone here. Linda

Kelly: I will be thinking about you on the 22nd and praying hard! Sounds like you will be well taken care of (my husband is great, but cooking - not so much). It is good that you will be surrounded by so many and you can just concentrate on recuperating. I think your mom will be there in spirit to dispense a little of her luck your way. I'll pray right along with you that it is you who will carry her torch of "luck". Sorry the ride is so horrible - truly wish you weren't on it. Linda

Good morning Corinne. I guess the direction will depend on what your tests show. I remember wanting to have answers quickly in the beginning and to me things just didn't seem to be moving fast enough. I really wish I could answer your question...I just can't. Let's put it this way though - even if they say surgery isn't possible - there are still many, many things that can be done to cure this. Try not to get caught up in that "surgery or nothing" worry as there are many on this board who have not had surgery and are doing just fine. I'm not saying that surgery won't be an option - all the information isn't known right now to determine what course will be taken. I wish you a peaceful day and I am here for you if you need me. Linda

-Grateful for my daughter who brought me breakfast in bed today...just because ... (and she's only 11)-what a great kid. -Grateful for my son (13) who asks every morning - "How did you sleep" and every evening "How was your day mom?" -Grateful for my husband who is loyal, honest and hard working - he loves me unconditionally. -Grateful to Jackie that she posts in this forum every day and makes me stop and think about all the things I have to be grateful for ... Bless you always Jackie. Always so much to be grateful for - I just have to stop and think about it and not let it pass me by. Linda

Too funny! Linda

Randy ... you are right - we 3 Westerner's have found each other. Bruce and I have been e-mailing back and forth and Cori and I have been in touch quite a bit as well. I am sure the meet and greet will happen in the near future. It is a wonderful thing that we can feel the distance is bridged somewhat for all of us and that we have someone close by that understands and shares our fears, etc. Thanks again to all of you who make this possible. Linda

It all started early February 2006. I got a call from my girlfriend Elaine - she told me she was just diagnosed with lung cancer. I was beyond shocked. She had been coughing for quite awhile, but is was a cold winter and many people had colds/coughs. I have worked in hospitals and doctor's offices as a medical secretary - did a stint in a general surgeon's office, but dealt more with breast cancer when it came to cancers. I wasn't quite sure how to help her. She told me that they thought she was staged early - 2B. I just wanted to help her and I didn't know how. While in Edmonton with my family early March I headed to the Chapters store to see if I could find a book to help educate me and give me tips on how to help her. I looked through many books, but one finally jumped out at me - it was called "Lung Cancer ... Myths, Facts, Choices and ... Hope". That was the book I needed to get - anything that said HOPE was the book I was looking for. Over a period of a few weeks I read that book front to back. In the meantime, Elaine decided to pay for a private CAT scan as she didn't want to wait the few weeks that it would take for her to get it. She now was booked for surgery for around 3rd week of April. So far over 2 months have passed and to date, CT scan performed. She had a PET scan the Tuesday prior to surgery and her surgery was cancelled on April 11th due to the fact that the cancer had spread to her adrenal gland. She was now Stage IV, not II. She was to start radiation treatments soon at the Cross Cancer Institute. By this time she is also having severe back pain. We found out shortly after this that she had bone mets and that her cancer was very aggressive. After finishing that book I realized that...mmm...I have some of these risk factors. I quit smoking 18 years ago; however, also grew up in a household of smokers. After discussing it with my husband I asked my GP to order me a CT scan which I would pay for. My husband, by the way, thought I was NUTS! My GP told me he felt a CT scan was way over the top (radiation issues, etc), but would meet me halfway and order a CXR. I had that done on March 29/06. I got a call a couple of days later from my GP. The radiologist spotted "something"; however, thought it was just a bony rib protrustion. He wanted a different angle of CXR-went back for that April 12th. That came back stating he still sees "it" but wants a recheck in 3-4 months. I said, "No way, when we give "it" a name then I can wait 3-4 months". I went back on May 12th for 3rd x-ray-got a call - it had grown. I knew right then and there I had lung cancer. Unreal. GP booked me for a CT scan (he replied I would do anything to be right - even get lung cancer just to get the stupid scan I asked for in the first place - he was joking - he's a great guy!) for May 23rd. On the ride home from the CT I decided that I was going to fly to Vancouver for a private PET scan (I had been researching where I could get a private PET and it was either there or Toronto). I had the PET done June 1st, flew home quickly and had an appointment with the surgeon June 5th. He said I was unlucky - in that I have cancer; but lucky that it was caught so early - he was guessing 1A. I had my surgery June 20th and 2 weeks later got back the pathology report. It was Stage 1A, pure nonmucinous BAC - whew. No further treatment - follow up every three months for 2 years (CXR every 3/CT scan once a year). Of course, during all of this I didn't have much contact with Elaine. I kept on top of what was happening through other friends, but things were pretty rough on my own home front. One week after surgery I went to the hospital to get my sutures out and ran into my friend who told me Elaine was in the hospital. I planned on going to see her after my stitches were taken care of - my friend told me that I should not go to see her as she was doing very poorly and with what I had been going through it was just best to go home. She said Elaine wouldn't know I was even there and it wasn't going to be good for me. I knew then her time was very limited. Not even a week later I got the call. I was asked to be a pallbearer; however, I couldn't even do that due to not being able to lift. I did get to her funeral and it was horrible. I felt so very, very guilty for being there - for being alive and she wasn't. I couldn't even talk to her mother as I was so worried she would hate me. Time has passed. I have since talked to Elaine's mother many times and she has assured me that she is so happy that my outcome was good and that Elaine would have felt that way too. I am happy I am here to be with my family, to live my life - I wish with all my heart it could have been that way for her too. I had to push to get things done at times - I was very aggressive and whether the doctors liked me or not - I didn't care. The end result was all that mattered to me. I am thankful to be alive. I cannot and will not ever say I am glad that cancer entered my life ... but it has, and I am stuck with the aftershock. I in no way mean to diminish those who have had a worse journey than mine - I just wanted to share my journey. Thanks for listening. Linda

Debi, I have to share something with you. As I said, I have been a lurker since about 2 weeks after my surgery. I read about everyone's lives, their struggles, their losses and oh yes, the pain that is so often there. I would often leave my computer with tears just streaming down my face. Some moments I would want to reach out to someone going through something or felt I could help in some small manner...I wouldn't. The reason - guilt. Guilt that I was fortunate to have this caught so early and guilt that I would not have to endure so much of the hardship that so many have gone through. I carried much guilt the first year after my surgery. You see, I found my cancer because my friend was diagnosed with cancer (I will post the entire story in the "My Story" forum) - she died two weeks after my surgery - she died, I lived. I also didn't think I would be able to help anyone - I didn't have experience with chemo/radiation/hospice - what could I offer? I finally mustered up the guts to join a couple of days ago. In that time I have met two very wonderful people from my province and we have been able to help each other. I realize now that I can't help everyone - but even if I help just one it is worth it. Please know - you are one of the first ones I identified with in a huge way. You are honest, to the point and hilariously funny. I know that, like you, early stage or not - the fear will never leave now. I have been told that I will never be considered free and clear as my type is slow growing and can come back after many years. Yes, as my surgeon says - you're the luckiest person and the unluckiest person. I don't know how often I will be able to post (kids will be back in all their activities and life moves into full swing again on Monday); however, I want you to know you really did help me through some of the worst times of my life. I am sure I am not the only one out there - I am just thankful you were there. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Also, have you thought of writing - you really are a great writer (cause I know you have so much spare time LOL). Linda

I have no experience at all with your health system there - I just know my heart absolutely aches for you. I am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of fighting a disease - it's just not fair. Linda

Nick - what a wonderful tribute to your mom. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Linda

Hi Marci: Adding my prayers for a good scan. Linda

Robin, I am so very sorry. I wish I had answers - I do send my most heartfelt hugs and prayers. Linda

I am so sorry about the progression and the pain. Sending prayers and warm thoughts your way. Linda

Grateful to have met two new Canadian friends and met many others on this board. Grateful to be able to sip a good cup of coffee while sitting at the computer. Grateful for kinds souls like you Jackie who volunteer time to help others. Blessings to you always. Linda

I am so sorry the news wasn't better - I will keep you both in my prayers. Linda

Hi Judy ... thinking of you today when you go for your EMG. I am so sorry you are having pain and I hope they can get that under control somehow. Wish I had some answers for you. Please let us know how things are going. Linda

Hi Cynthia. My parents must have gone to the same school as your mom - hide things from your children. I have come to believe (or it will drive me nuts otherwise) that they simply do this to protect me/us. I am 47 and have tried to explain to them that I need to know the truth about their health so that we can work together towards a solution. My mom was headed in for surgery for colon cancer five years ago (at least she finally told me about that) and the doctor looks and me and my dad and says "I will let you know if that spot on the liver we saw on CT is malignant". WHAT?!? She felt there was no point worrying us about some little old spot. Turns out, it was just a shadow on the film-so glad she was right. That is just one example. Both my parents are famous for this - deny/hide/don't share. As their daughter it is frustrating; as a parent, I get it...you want to keep bad things from your kids lives. It sounds as though your mom is a force to be reckoned with - that will serve her well I think. I hope the trial the doc is suggesting is just the ticket. Anyhow, no words of wisdom - I just want you to know I am thinking of you and hope that everything falls into place as far as your mom's living arrangements, etc. Remember though, take care of yourself too. Linda