Larry's Wife

patscan, your post really touched me. You are such an awesome daughter, and an awesome mother. May you discover many more ways in which your beloved mother lives on in you and your beloved daughter. Lynn

Gail, our docs say the same thing about morphine helping with the breathing. Larry doesn't like it, but I sure did when I had my hysterectomy. I loved pushing the little "happy button". I also have a lot of faith in God. But God tends to answer prayer in unanticipated ways. When my dad passed, I was praying for mercy. Well, my dad received mercy. He did not suffer for very long. But I was thinking of something more like healing. It took me awhile to remember that my dad did get healing. He went to Heaven. There's no cancer there. Gail, you and Hank are in my prayers daily. Somehow, I think you and I are on a similar path with our husbands. I ache for Hank as I ache for Larry. I ache for you as I ache for myself. Somehow, I know we'll get through this, no matter the outcome. Love you, Lady! Lynn

I'm not sure, Bette. My husband has brain mets. He had double vision a few months ago, which has cleared up. His describes his latest vision problems as his eyes are not working together. I don't really understand what he means by that. Lynn

Wow! You guys blow me away! I get up this morning to find a whole bunch of love right here on my computer!! Yeah, I'm sure some won't get it, so I'm glad the girls have offered to open their homes if necessary. And Carole, the masks are an excellent idea. I would never have thought of that. Larry isn't going to tell folks that he is too tired for company or that it is time to leave. He just won't do it. So I need to be prepared to show my "inner lioness" and bare my teeth and claws! Hmmm...I just might enjoy that. OK. That makes me giggle a little bit.

I appreciate all the comments. But the send button happened before I started this thread. So, do I need to back off with the family or should I just wait and see what shakes out? Remember that the family lives 1400 miles away.

Carole. You have hit the nail on the head. In my most diplomatic way, I have tried to convey that we cannot accept overnight guests. Larry forbid me to tell them that they would have to stay in a hotel, so, without saying that, I wanted to convey that we "have no room at the inn". My intention is that they call me if they "feel the need" to come. In that case, the daughters have generously offered a place to "park". But, the daughters and I have an agreement that I will serve as the family spokesperson. So they are not supposed to go behind me and offer accomodations. If I get a phone call saying "whoever" wants to come, I can offer accomodatations at either of the daughter's homes, but only after they agree to the terms. My main concern is to minimize any stress coming into our home that will upset Larry. But honestly, I cannot personally tolerate any additional stress. Some of Larry's family tends to spark off the girls. And I don't have the focus right now to mediate.

Hi all, This will be a long post. Follows is an email I sent to Larry's out of state brothers and sisters today. One of the daughters is suffering from "buyer's remorse" over previous decisions we have made regarding end of life care for Larry. I'm feeling shaky about it, even though, in my heart, I think the email is appropriate. It took me three hours to write it. I tried to take all emotion out of the picture. What do you think? I really need some objective opinions here. I can back off if I should: We got the results from the brain MRI and the news is not what we had hoped for. I have included the summary here: Scanning through the brain was performed demonstrating innumerable lesions scattered throughout the brain involving the cerebellum, vermis and numerous foci scattered throughout both the right and left sides of the brain all the way up to the high parietal region on the left. There is no evidence of any hemorrhage. There is some surrounding edema involving the cerebellar lesions on the right which are much more prevalent than those on the left. The largest on the right is 31 mm in maximal diameter. The lesions within the brain parenchyma and supratentorial region are all a centimeter or subcentimeter in size. There is normal signal flow void in the arteries at the base of the skull. The seventh and eighth cranial nerves are unremarkable. FLAIR sequences demonstrate increased signal about the lesions within the brain and some mild scattered increased signal which is nonspecific. Conclusion: There are numerous lesions about the brain most prevalent in the cerebellum most prevalent on the right. The findings are consistent with diffuse metastatic disease. The MRI was ordered because Larry could barely walk on Tuesday. He was and is very weak and unsteady on his feet. He is using a cane which helps him a lot, but even with that, he has severe vertigo and will hold onto anything available to steady himself. He took a fall on June 12th but did not injure himself, thank God. He just tangled his feet and down he went. He sleeps more and more. He has no energy. He has no interest in leaving the house anymore. It just takes too much out of him. He has been in increasing pain and is now taking long-acting pain medication. This seems to be working. He has not taken any breakthrough pain medication for over a week now. His appetite is still good. But he has had a slow but steady decline in his energy level over the last couple of weeks. We had planned to meet with the doctor on Thursday to discuss the MRI results, but Larry was not up for the trip, so we spoke on the phone and I picked up the report. Although I don’t have all the details (type of chemo), the doctor spoke about our options. Unfortunately, Larry cannot have the “gold standard” treatment (whole brain radiation) because he had a portion of his head radiated when he had the non-hodgkin’s lymphoma. We consulted with a radiologist months ago about it. In Larry’s case, because we cannot determine the previous treatment field from so long ago, the risk vs. benefit is too great. So, our only radiation option is to try CyberKnife again. This is a pin-point accurate treatment, so they would only treat a limited number of the lesions. Our chemo option is to stay on the Gemzar that he has been on for two cycles already or to try another chemo. Most chemotherapies do not cross the blood-brain barrier, so chemo will not necessarily help with the brain lesions. And we have the option to discontinue treatment. Larry and I have briefly discussed these options. But he has not made a decision. So, as it stands, we have increased his Decadron dose, which might help with the edema and give him some strength. We have also added Antivert to help with the vertigo. We have a scheduled appointment on Wednesday the 25th to meet with the doctor and to begin his third course of Gemzar (or a different chemo as the doctor recommends). So I am not pressing Larry to talk about things he doesn’t want to talk about right now. We have a few more days before any decisions have to be made. Now, for the part I find most difficult to say. The girls and I feel confident that we can take care of him with the assistance of our Hospice team. And Larry moved into the guest room a few weeks ago. So I ask that you not make plans to come and stay with us. We are trying to keep things as normal and restful as possible. Now, please understand, I am not saying that you cannot come to visit. If you feel you must come, come. But visits need to be limited so Larry can rest when he needs to. Visiting wears him out and he does not have the energy to spare right now. Honestly, I do not mean to sound harsh and it is not my intention to deprive anyone of precious time with Larry. But I need to do what is best for Larry. He is my only concern. And I encourage you to call him anytime you wish. I am sure he would enjoy speaking with each and every one of you. He is still Larry, just not the energetic Larry we all know and love. Larry and I love all of you. I am so sorry things have come to this. If I have offended you with these decisions, I sincerely apologize. Please know that I love Larry deeply and I promise you that I have been and will continue to do everything in my power to keep him comfortable and happy. I am no longer working, so you can call me anytime if you want an update or just to talk. I will continue to give mass updates by email. I have Donna and Bill’s email and Lynn’s email at work. I do not have Chuck’s, so I ask that someone print this out for him, and also for Lynn since I don’t think she is working today. If anyone would like to be added to my list, just give me the address and I will include them. Please email me at llfuhrman@wildblue.net I have Larry’s email set up to forward to me, but it seems that it does not always work. I check my email several times during the day. Love, Lynn

((((Gail)))) I am so sorry to hear this news. I understand exactly what you are going through. I am in a similar place with Larry. As far as Hospice, Larry has been on Hospice since the end of January and has continued chemo the whole time. Talk to Hospice about it. In our case, chemo is considered palliative, so our insurance pays for both Hospice and treatment. As for continuing treatments, Larry and I agreed long ago that his wishes are the only wishes that count. My job is to support him in his treatment decisions. Doesn't mean we don't talk about it, but his decision is the one we go with. I don't know if this will help you or not, but know that I care about you and Hank. God Bless, Lynn

Dar, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your beautiful mom. My deepest condolences to you and your brother. Hugs and prayers, Lynn

(((Patty))) Hugs and prayers for you, your mom and dad. Lynn

Denise, I'm so sorry that you just can't seem to catch a break. But you have your new tag line just right: Caretaker Extraordinaire. You rock, my darlin'! Lynn

(((Dar))) Prayers for peace and strength. Lynn

(((Patty))). That's horrible. But I'm glad you didn't give up and kept pushing for answers. That's inspiring! Praying for the coumadin to fix you up so you can feel better soon. Lynn

Karla, I'm so sorry to hear of Frank's passing. My deepest condolences to you. Hugs and prayers, Lynn

Oh, Kristi. I feel so bad for you. I understand your feelings completely. You really need to get out and get away from that toxic environment for awhile. Hugs and prayers to you, my dear. Lynn

(((Carrie))) I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful mother. Lynn

Happy Birthday, Andrea!!

Deb, I'm so sorry Dave is having such trouble. My husband has been on Hospice since the end of January. Give them a call and see what they have to say. You don't have to sign up if you're not ready. But we love our Hospice team. And Larry is still on chemo, because it is "Palliative". Lynn

Denise, that sounds great! I'm so happy for you guys. Lynn

Well, Judy, you could just do it "cold turkey". Then we would have you for a few more days. Lynn

Gail, you and Hank have been in my thoughts and prayers. I've been missing you around the boards. Continued prayers for a great response to Alimta. Lynn

((((Dar)))) Hugs and prayers. Lynn

Dar, I'm praying for you and your mom. Lynn

More prayers for you and yours, Denise. Lynn