Suzie Q

So sorry for your loss. Don will be missed by so many...it's amazing how many lives he touched! Karen

May I suggest that you take your mom out wig shopping before she has significant hair loss? my mom did this, and it was a comfort to be able to choose when she could go with a wig! When the hair loss got to a point beyond "thinning," she had a "buzz off my remaining hair" party and had her wig all set and ready to go! Humor was of utmost importance to my mom, and keeping things light worked for her. She loved waking up and having perfect hair (wig) in about 5 seconds! You can't beat that! I think she hated not having eyebrows the worst. Fatigue was a problem, too. Hope your mom does well on this regimen. ~hugs, Karen

Lilee, Do not wait until the "right time" to say goodbye. Tell him now how much you love him, but that it will be ok when he's ready to go. Share memories now while he's still lucid. Even if he should rally and get better, at least you will have not left things unsaid. So sorry for the decline. ~Karen

Congratulations, Rochelle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So sorry to read this, Shrimp. The Fentanyl patch can cause hallucinations. Ask the doc if the IV morphine can get a grip on the pain control, and maybe the patch can be removed to see if that's the cause of the hallucinations. My best to you, Karen

Talk to a social worker from an area hospital. A social worker who specializes in gerontology should be able to get you referrals for services available to seniors...like transportation, housework helpers, etc. Just having someone visit her, albeit a paid person, will give her something to look forward to, and will help take a bit of the burden off you. Some of these services are available at no or low cost. ~Karen

I would get the ok from his doctor first, before leaving on a trip. You can ask for copies of his latest xrays and progress notes to take with you. You can travel with oxygen, too. They make small tanks that last for a shorter time, but are portable with a backpack. You have to check with the airline about their regulations, though. If you can't take it on board, you can make arrangements to have it at your destination. It is hard to accept needing oxygen, but if he does need it, it may alleviate the strain of breathing and help him enjoyythe trip better. Best wishes! Karen

I am so sorry, Flo. Karen

I am just so sorry for your loss. Karen

Hi, Linda. My mom also did Gemzar/Carbo for first line chemo. Fatigue, nausea (controlled with meds), and a bit of diarrhea were her side effects. Carbo caused everything to taste of metal, and Gemzar made her mouth sort of tingle when drinking citrus juice. All in all, not bad. My mom did all the normal things she would usually do, although she did take afternoon naps. Hope this knocks it out of the park!!!!!!!!! ~Karen

So sorry for your loss. karen

I am so incredibly saddened to hear of your loss. Please accept my condolences. Karen

Kristi, From what you've posted, it is not clear to me that you and your mom have talked in depth about expectations. You write "I think that she..." but you need to find out what her real expectations are! She may be selfish by nature, but she, too, has cancer and may want a little more attention. But you have to discuss it in depth with her. Your brother needs to be told what your responsibilities are, and let him decide from concrete choices what chores he will do. You have to set boundaries, plain and simple. But remember, it is your parents' home, and ultimately, they call the shots. They are obviously ok with how your brothers live, so you decide how much you can cope with. Maybe you should consider staying with friends on the weekend. You could pop in for a visit on Sat and/or Sun, but the weekend would be YOUR time. Be firm, and include the family in the discussion. Best wishes, Karen

Gail, it sure sounds like Hank is doing pretty well! I can't imagine being in the hospital and having much muscle strength to walk! So often, people need physical therapy before they can get up and around! Says a lot for your dear Hank's stamina! Try not to fear the "homecoming" too much. You WILL be able to do whatever you need to...you just will. hugs, Karen

Get a box of masks. If immediate family members have cold symptoms, they can stay only if your dad is ok with it and up for the visit, and only if they wear masks. Tell the partiers your family is tightening the circle right now, so although the visits are a thoughtful gesture, it's too tiring for your dad right now. Good luck Karen

Goodness! Hope June and July bring something GOOD! ~Karen

My mom was dx with NSCLC in April 2004. She started treatment immediately. Then, in June-July 2004, my dad started having Abdominal pain. He was dx with recurrent melanoma in the small intestine and had surgery in October 2004. Despite the best efforts, Dad passed away in Jan 2006, and Mom followed him in April 2006. Feel free to PM me any time. I will try to help any way I can! ~Karen

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Karen

From what you posted, it doesn't sound like he said that smokers "deserved" lung cancer, but he said that smokers should accept responsibility for their actions. Two different things. HOWEVER, he needs to be reminded of the fact that the tobacco industry deliberately made cigarettes more addictive. They knew about the addictive power of nicotine and hid it from the public. Therefore, smokers do have a valid reason to blame the tobacco industry!!!!!!!!!!!! ~Karen

Katie said it so well, I have little to add! I agree. Kids definitely sense something is going on, and I would gently and honestly answer their questions if asked right now. However, I see nothing wrong with waiting. Treatments will cause changes the kids may notice, and you can address it at that time. Save them the worry, and let them be kids for now. But don't dodge their inquiries...they are sharper than adults give them credit for!!!!!!!!!! ~Karen

You BOTH will get through this, together.

You have my deepest sympathies for both of your losses. I do know what it's like to lose both parents in a short time...and it just plain stinks. Karen

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I think you would have to do some research on this, but from what I've seen posted here, there are sometimes people who develop more than one primary cancer, and sometimes of different types. It is unusual, but not unheard of. Again, this is just my personal anecdotal observation. The best thing to do is to focus on the next step, whatever that may be. Do not place a lot of emphasis on prognosis or the estimate of "how much time is there." In fact, you might find the doctor reluctant to give any weight to the "time left" thing, because they are simply unable to predict that with accuracy. A second opinion never hurts. You've been kicked in the gut. Allow yourself to do what you need to do to deal with it...cry, scream, or just vent. We're here, and we understand it all. Hugs, Karen

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