Suzie Q

Look at it this way...perhaps your co-worker was referring to the wig head when she said "cute." Sometimes we don't think before we speak, and letting the moronic moment pass is better than getting mired deeper in the muck by continuing to speak! As for the SW, I would send a note to her supervisor and let the sup know just how "helpful" and "considerate" the SW was, both with you and your mom, and for your needs as well. She may not have had the ability to help you, but being gentle and giving you a connection to Hospice (phone number or contact person) would have gone a long way. Acknowledging the need for grief support would have been appropriate. hugs, Karen

How amazing is that?!!! Karen Congratulations, BTW! I seem to have missed the boat on your announcement of the little package from the stork!

I am just so sorry for your loss. Aaron really brightened the place! May you feel the love and strength of those around you as you go through the days ahead. ~Karen

Call hospice and talk to the nurse! My dad had constant diarrhea after having a portion of small intestine removed. The GI doctor tried a bulk-forming agent (Questron, I think). It sounds counterproductive to use fiber, but it actually helps absorb the intestinal liquid. Lomotil liquid helped better than Immodium. The tablets did nothing for him. Ask hospice to provide a commode. You cam place it right next to her bed. Not so swell for privacy, but it gets the job done. You can also get inserts for Depends, if you need the extra absorbancy. I hope she can get some relief from this. Fecal incontinence is miserable. ~Karen

Shelly, Cancer is a bewildering disease. Some experts say that once you have a cancer dx, you are more likely to get another type of cancer than those who have never had cancer. Plus, there may be some link between differing cancers. But it is EXTREMELY unfair! Bless you for being there to help her out. May God give you the strength to do so and give her and her family the strength to get through this. ~Karen

If the talk with your dad does not go well, suggest you buy the items you would like to keep in the family. Sadly, money talks. ~Karen

Savor the memories, Randy. ~Karen

Those first few weeks often pass by in a blur. I felt sort of numb, mostly because there were so many things that needed immediate attention, and just to get through all that, my mind protected me by numbing me. It's all about stages, or phases. Everyone passes through them differently and in different order, but this whole thing is a process, not something to "get over" or put behind you, but rather something to live with. Everyone here understands, so do know that you are in good company. We get it. ~Karen

So sorry for your loss. There are quite a few members here who have lost a spouse. Feel free to post here and you will receive much support. ~Karen

Heartfelt condolences... Karen

The favors sound perfect! Glad you are doing well and staying busy. Congratulations and best wishes with the upcoming graduation and wedding! ~Karen

So sorry for your loss. Karen

Val, First off, hugs to you today! No, you are not hypersensitive, but this passage in your church newsletter did strike a little too close to home. At first, I did think the youth pastor was making a reference to you, and it got MY ire up! One should never use personal examples of another person's experience without that person's permission. To do so would be broadcasting personal information to people who really have no right to that information. The writer is clearly inexperienced in both dealing with death AND writing for a newsletter! I agree with Kasey, that you should write a letter to your pastor and the youth pastor. People who have been untouched by loss would be enlightened by what you could share, and it would go a long way in validating all those experiencing grief. The "God has a plan, we'll get the answers later" is a pat answer given by people who don't know what else to say. Grief allows us, or rather, FORCES us to dig a little deeper and search for a satisfying answer. But the old, reliable answer allows the inexperienced to flap their jaws and believe that they are providing some comfort. And quite possibly, they do, for some people. But it isn't as simple as just "being strong." We grow because we can be weak and broken human beings. And when the pieces are mended back together, they never quite fit the same way. Katie put it so well to describe it as having a limb amputated. Life is forever changed! But it's ok to miss what was lost. So write the letter, Val, if you want to and know that it will help at least ONE person, if not more. Many blessings, Karen

Keep in mind, that you can get liquid Motrin or liquid Tylenol for the pain, as well as a lidocaine "swish." That way, you are not in a drug fog for two weeks. Sometimes the old standby meds work better than the narcotics. Do ask for a ear-nose-throat specialist consult. Best of luck, and take care of the throat! ~Karen

Please accept my deepest sympathies. ~Karen

Nick, you are so right. Everyone deserved the chance to be a parent or grandparent. Snd all kids deserve to HAAVE a parents and grandparents. And sadly, this disease robs of way too many of both! So let's take our anger and passion about the negative comments and negative view of lung cancer as being a "you brought it on yourself' disease (a view I abhor), and channel that energy into awareness, research into early detection and treatment options...and a CURE! ~Karen

Katie, I am with you 100% on the advocacy issue. I totally agree that we need to get the focus on early detection and better treatment options for those with LC. But given the stats, we should not be surprised that there is a heavy lean toward the smoking issue...and I think that's what Nick was venting about - that even medical professionals make it about smoking. Well...isn't it? If over 80% of childhood leukemia were related to drinking cow's milk, would we not try to discourage drinking milk? People are fallible and make really stupid mistakes and say completely idiotic things. I still get irked when asked what I know about my daughters' "real" or "natural" parents (our girls are ours by adoption), but I've learned to just let it go. It's not worth the aggravation. All that aside, I would also like to see more awareness of the disease and work toward a CURE. I would love to see Andie McDowell do a PSA about LC just like the one she does for ovarian ca (another cancer usually not detected until late and without reliable screening tests)! BTW, I did not intend to hijack Nick's thread. Sorry! My apologies to anyone I may have offended. ~Karen

Nick, you handled it in just the right way. And I just ache for you that your dear mother is not here to witness these tender acts. However, as so many others have stated, you were not alone in the silence. She was there. She knows. ~Karen

Well, I may be in the minority, but I think that much as we would like less of the focus to be on smoking, the simple fact is that the majority of LC is indeed asociated with smoking! Depending on the source, the rate is anywhere from 75 to 90%. Think of the decrease in LC cases if that one risk factor was eliminated! That is HUGE, folks. And the truth is, there may be quite a few former smokers with a very, very remote history of smoking, who carried that risk even though their oncs told them that the smoking did not cause the LC since it had been such a long time between their quitting and the diagnosis of LC. We can't be sure that there are not changes in the lung tissue that occur from smoking that lie dormant for YEARS, waiting for the right "trigger" to activate the cancer. So, while I agree that the focus needs to be on early detection and effective treatment, we cannot deny that smoking does have a strong correlation with LC. I wish there were not such a stigma associated with it, as NOBODY deserves this horrific disease. And I agree that women are in especially great need to be educated on the risks of LC, even if they never smoked. Most women are very aware of breast cancer but are completely unaware of the fact that LC kills more women than all three "female" cancers combined. I am so heartened by your passion, Nick. Continue your advocacy. It's a tribute to your mom's memory. ~Karen

My mom described similar sensations during or shortly after receiving chemo. Interestingly, she did not get these sensations with chemos that did not work, like Iressa and Tarceva, although these chemos were pill form. Anyway, she said it felt like an effervescent type of sensation...who knows, maybe there's something to it? ~Karen

11th Annual Wacky Warning Label Contest Winners Grand Prize: A label on a small tractor that warns: "Danger! Avoid Death." Second place: An iron-on T-shirt transfer that warns: "Do not iron while wearing shirt." Third place: A baby stroller featuring a small pouch for storage that warns: "Do not put child in bag." Honorable Mention: A letter opener that says,"Caution: Safety goggles recommended." Honorable Mention: A Vanishing Fabric Marker that warns: "The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents."

Kelly, I also got a Christmas card forwarded to me the year mom passed. Though she had passed in April, and most everyone should have known about it, this was one of those long-time, out of state friends that you only hear from once or twice a year. I did send a memorial card and "Life Story" folder which the funeral home had done up. They responded with a lovely letter, which shared a nice history of their friendship and a memory or two. I am so glad I did respond. I even got an unexpected gift - learning something about my parents that i had not previously known! Hope your DH is home soon! ~Karen

My, how they grow!

Pat, yes! That's it...Midway Village! What a lovely place. I saw many people walking the path. And Troy is a little over 2 hours away. What a small world! I hope that you are feeling a bit better, knowing how much you are loved here. ~Karen

Ok, Missy, I admit it. I've fallen in love with your son! Just a thought...think about only having him receive two shots at a time. That way, if he does have a reaction, it will be easier to figure out which one may be the culprit. A dose of tylenol or Motrin 30 minutes before heading for the dr office for shots always seemed to help my girls tolerate it better. Hoping for peace for you, Karen