mamasbabygirl

I understand. I "celebrated" mine in January parentless. It's not fair.

Oprah has a special on right now about death, grief, etc. Her first guest is the woman who wrote Crazy Sexy Cancer. She has cancer and says that cancer has forced her to live life to its fullest. She and Dr. Oz were discussing all of the thoughts that run in your head when you are diagnosed with cancer. Mainly, she said that questions swarmed her head that she sought to explain as to why this happened to her. She spent a lot of time trying to come up with the reasons, conditions, etc. that caused her cancer. I get soooo angry when people ask me if my mom smoked when I tell them that she died of LC. I always respond with "Why do you ask?" and it throws them off. My ah ha moment is that I am wondering if the people who ask this question are seeking to exclude themselves from the threat of LC. Maybe it is a self-protection mechanism more than a mean spirited "oh she deserved that" kind of question. What do you guys think?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Congratulations!

I am so sorry.

I agree.

I am so sorry for your loss Tina. You are such a special brave woman. Many hugs to you...

Thanks Lily.

For me, the ONLY way that I could cope in the beginning of my mom's diagnosis was to submerse myself into educating myself, my mom, and my family about lung cancer. By mom's 3rd visit, I had lists of questions for the Dr. that went a page long. I knew what trials and treatments were available and it gave my mom hope and assurance that no stone was unturned. She called me her advocate. Perhaps it was the only control I had over the disease. I am not sure if you are an in control type person, but it helped me in some ways. I guess the best advice that I have is to love your mom and love yourself through this time.

I don't know how either Donna, but I do understand. Be kind to yourself. I am so sorry for your tremendous loss

I sure wish I had the answer to your question, bc I feel the same way. Grief has enveloped me these days and I miss my mama more than ever. Everything makes me think of her and I am no longer smiling, but I cry at the mere thought of her. I posted earlier this week about these feelings and many replied that THIS is the reality-it sucks. I hate it. I am stuck in the same place as you. I know that doesn't help, but I do understand and I am so very sorry

Congrats Joe!!!

Oh Donna. This situation sounds so very familiar to me. Times like the one you are in cause so much stress. I am sorry you have to experience it. So sorry.

Thanks guys. I knew you'd all have something to share and I appreciate your caring words. I look back on year 1 and I can count on one hand the number of times that I cried. I actually felt really strong. I even went back to school finally! Since the 1 year mark, I have cried more than I have in years. I guess this is reality settling in. I'm an action taker and so I think I will use some of your ideas to see if it helps. These days, I cry at any thought of her and so the thought of a scrapbook seems daunting, but I will try. I am truly experiencing delayed grief because for her celebration of life, I put together picture boards and, relatively speaking, was fine. Grief, any way you are forced to feel it, hurts. It helps to know that you are still here for me. My love to each of you tonight...

OK, so I have looked it up and it does exist, but I wonder why NOW I feel so helpless without my mama. I have been fine for the past year, but ever since September 18, I have hit a brick wall-I need her here, my life was so much better with her in it, I was a better mom with her here, she gave so much love to so many people. Yet, there are selfish non-loving people left in this world and it's just not fair. I miss her, I call her old number, I send her text messages, I even talk (aloud) to her-am I losing it? Some people around me know that I am a mess and a few have been supportive. Anyone know what's going on with me?

Hi Patty. I am sending you a great big cyberhug. I understand.

I am so sorry to hear this. This is a safe place to let it out. Everyone here has been here for me time and time again. I am just so sorry.

Connie mentioned the general side effects. Let me add a big emphasis on the emotional toll steroids can have. My mom experienced huge swings in her emotions. Another little known side effect of long-term use of steroids is diabetes. If anyone particular happens with the steroids, please feel free to ask and I can try to help. Good luch to you guys.

Love you too Peggy, I am glad to hear from you. XOXOXO

Congrats Missy. I will keep you all firmly in my prayers in the upcoming weeks. XOXOXOXO

I love the sundial idea. I will have to ask SF. We had discussed taking them to Gatlinburg, but many of her Gburg friends weren't around when mom got sick, so we ruled that out. SF said he thinks we should scatter them over the graves of her family. I am not opposed to that, but wanted something more special. I still have my hubby's ashes (7 years later), but that is bc I am planning on taking them to Colorado when Graden (our son) is 9. I hope he will remember it always.. Ry, Can you please ask where the sundial service was offered? Is it something online?

This is really interesting Sophie. Tell us more...

I am so sorry for your loss Erin.

Well, SF got a letter this week from the University of Cincinnati Medical Center saying that they are done with mom's body, it has been cremated and now they are shipping them in the mail to us. I was not expecting this-they were supposed to have her body for three years. For whatever reason, they are done. Now, we must decide what to do with them. We'll figure it out, as SF already said he does not want them in his house. I am upset over this news and I guess I really wasn't ready for this time to come. It certainly was healing to know that her death was instrumental in helping other people. This makes it so final and done. I'm sad...

Val, I am so glad to see that you are taking steps to celebrate your mom and her spirit. I send my love and prayers always!

You are so right Joann. There is hope, just keep that in the forethought of everything you do and think. HUGS and welcome!