tess Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I never thought I would be back here writing this. I just lost my husband Robert Wagner last July 31st of lung cancer and now my mom. I was concerned because of her weakness, so I was in the process of moving her to my home to take care of her. She fell and broke her hip a year ago, and still hadn't recovered completely from hip replacement. So I took her to the Dr today because she was complaining that her chest was hurting. So the Dr took an X-ray and sure enough, there is a huge tumor in her right lung near her bronchial area. My sister and I haven't told her yet. She was a smoker until a year ago when she broke her hip, she smoked since she was 13, and now she is almost 76, so its not really a surprise. She is only 100 lbs and is barely able to walk with a walker since her surgery. She has been sleeping a lot and now I know why. I know I have to tell her soon about the cancer (99% sure) and she also hasn't got any insurance other then medicare right now. I will get her set up with medicaid thru the state and probably get hospice soon. I have already had hospice here for my sister 3 years ago who died in the same room mom is in now (breast cancer) and I also lost my dear husband of lung cancer 8 months ago, so here I go again. I guess God has given me the calling of caretaker of the sick and dying. It doesn't bother me because I feel honored to be the one they all wanted to take care of them and comfort them in their last days here on earth. I know that someday it may be me who will be in need of a caregiver. I guess what comes around goes around. My dad passed away in 96 so mom only has me and my little sister left. So I am back here again. I don't feel that my mother can withstand any kind of chemo or radiation, I think she is already weak and it would just kill her quicker. So I am just going to let God take her when its time and keep her as comfortable as possible until then. I am going to take this time I have with her and thank God I have this time, however long it may be. She is hard to communicate with because her hearing is so bad. She had a cataract removed about 8 days ago, and the other one is being removed on Thursday, at least she will be able to see good before she dies! I was hoping to get her hearing aids, but now I don't know if we should bother, she may not have much time left. I just found out this news today and I am just putting down my thoughts as they come. Thanks for being here, I wish I didn' t have to come again but am so glad you all are here! Tess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pecola Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Tess, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this pain and heartache once again, but your view of it is inspiring. You're family is blessed to have you. How awful to have be the one to try an explain this to your Mother. May God hold you and your family close and give you the strength that you need. Gina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Wow, Tess. Sorry I didn't get to know you when you were here before. I read what you wrote and I am so sorry for all of your losses. You have the maturity to go through this with your Mom, I can tell. And, yes, I do believe that you are called to be the caregiver. You suffer in a different way than the person who is going through the illness, but to suffer is to be human. There is so much in your post to think about. But, the one thing that seems to be a question for you is her hearing problem. My old boss had gotten hearing aids. I can tell you from personal experience it is no easy task. He had a very difficult time adjusting to them. It took months and even years. He hated them. He said, though, that his hearing aids weren't for him but rather the people around him. I think it is wise not to pursue this. It would only frustrate her more. Well. I am sorry that you have to be back here, but glad that you are. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieLR Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Dear Tess, I'm so sorry to hear of your heartache. Heaven only knows why some of us are hit so many times. I know that I certainly have had no easy way to go. Sometimes I think "will I ever get even a little break?" & then something will just strike me square in the face even harder. Of one thing, I am certain. All of the trials prior to my dx definately helped to prepare for the journey I now encounter. Had you told me a year ago that I would be in the condition that I am in & for the most part, having the time of my life, I would have had you locked up in a padded cell. Well, I'm here to tell you - I wouldn't want to change a thing. Yeah, I'd like to live a lot longer than they say I will & I believe I will. The person I've become through everything makes me so happy. I've also learned that the person I've evolved into makes those who love me so much happier than I've ever made them before too. I guess that is the whole point. When you finally get that it isn't quantitiy - it's quality. Anyway, please feel free to ask for help at any time. It really helps all of us when we can be of assistance. Hugs & prayers, Melanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Tess, I am so sorry, God must think you have an very big shoulders to be able to carry on and keep going after all you have gone through. I am praying you get to enjoy some real quality time with Mom and you have the strength to go through yet another loss... God Bless You. Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 ((((Tess)))) I am so sorry sweetie that you had to rejoin our merry band of maniacs (j/k folks!). I will pray that your Mom has a peaceful painfree journey. Prayers for you as well. We have missed you. Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Tess , I am so sorry to hear this. I do want to say that your Mom is blessed to have you as a daughter. Love is what she needs most right now and it sounds like you are able to give it. Please keep us posted on how it is going. Donna G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Tess, sorry to hear that you are once again in the caregiver role.Your Mom is fortunate to have you in her corner.We are here for you as always. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Tess...I'm so sorry you find yourself again in this position, but your family is so lucky to have you as caregiver. Wishing you strength and wishing your mom as much quality for as long as possible. We'll be here when you need to vent or just feel the support of others who understand. Again...I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Hi, Tess. My prayers are with you and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Oh Tess...this is just not fair. I am sorry you STILL have a need to be here...all the best~ Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Tess, that is just unbelievable. You poor thing. But you probably are right, God has called on you to care for your sick family members, because He knows you can do it. Hang in there, keep us posted. I hope things go smoothly with your dear mothers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Tess, I am sooooo sorry to hear about your mom. I just don't know what else to say. It just seems you have had more than your share of pain and heartache. Your family members are truly blessed to have you , but I hope you have someone you can lean on , as well. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and of course you know that this family will be here for you. Luv, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Hi Tess, You certainly have had your calling. You are a wonderful person to make a difference in so many of your love ones life. Please remain strong, and let your mom know that you will be by her side and how much you love her. That should be a big comfort for her. I pray for a painless calling for your mom and strength for you to carry on. Keep us posted, we are always here for you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 You're such a strong person by reading your post. God is with you. So is everyone here. Joanie ((())) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Tess: Your post suggests that you have gained a lot of wisdom and compassion. I hope you find the right way to break the news to your mom. If it was me, I guess I would just blurt it out. You and your mom have my prayers and best wishes. Don M PS I live not far from Olympia, near Humptulips, on the West side of the Olympic Pennisula. I go to an oncology clinic in Aberdeen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tess Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 Thanks to all of you for your support. I will probably wait until her pain becomes worse to tell her why she is having the pain. I want her to be as happy as possible for as long as I can. God Bless all of you too! I will keep you posted. Tess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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