Remembering Dave Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I'm just worn out. I guess it being Friday doesn't help. and I'm more than a little bit lonely. Poor Dave, he just sits in the recliner and sleeps, or he can't get out of bed at all. sometimes I just want someone to talk to. My mom is too sick to be troubled with much, the chemo is really knocking her down. Now she has some serious blood clots in her legs, she had this 35 years ago when I was 11 or so, she was supposed to stay off her feet and was taking blood thinners and I found her in bed one morning after my Dad was at work, blue in the face and gasping for breath - a cloth had dislodged and gone to her lung - she was in the hospital for two weeks. So she's dealing with that again and it's bringing back memories from that day from when I was a little girl, so I'm scared and lonely and pretty much feeling like that little girl again, with no one to talk to. I'm just venting. that's all. no need to comment on my lack of patience, fortitude or anything else. I just don't have anywhere else to go right now but here. I miss my mom, and I miss my husband. I miss my two cousins that I could talk to about anything, who are both dead. My other cousin I can talk to about anything is dealing with the recent breast cancer diagnoses and emergency lumptectomy of his fiance. Faith is too little to understand anything of course. I suppose that's a good thing. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tami Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 You have us.... i really feel for you. It's tough. i don't have any family around (long story) and no really close friends. And there are some things you just can't share with friends for whatever reason. It is a lonely feeling. It's a scary feeling. My mom passed away 18 yrs ago... it seems like forever and it seems like yesterday. She was the only one I ever really talked to. Karen, you really need to give yourself a break. You are the care giver for Dave, your mom, Faith and for yourself (if you don't take care of yourself who will?? remember that saying). It's normal to feel overwhelmed and tired. It's normal to feel angry even when things are going well. It's good that you can understand and accept that you feel lonely, scared, angry, frustrated whatever. You have a more than your fair share to carry and more than many people will ever have to carry. but you are faithful in the Lord and you trust him. Talk with him today.. tell him about all the things that scare you. He is there waiting and he will lift you up. Take care of YOURSELF today... take a nap, take a bubble bath, eat an ice cream cone, play a game of "ants in the pants" with faith. We are here for you to vent to anytime... we care about all of you. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 (((((Karen))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Uploading tea and sympathy and support. It is hard, Karen, give yourself a hug. Love Pat and Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Karen, sweetie, there is no question that this is hard as he--. It would be difficult if you only had a small child and that long commute to work, now add all the other extremely emotional things that are happening in your life - wham. Do you have a close girlfriend? My girlfriends are my life line. If you do, go out to breakfast or lunch with them over the weekend. Take Faith if Dave is too down to watch her, but go. Bitc-, laugh, cry whatever, and eat some glorious high calorie, high fat whatever. You need a break, take it please. Love to all the Chapmans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbays Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Karen, I my heart is breaking for you. I wish I could help but I can't. Just keep talking to us. We all love you and care. God bless you, Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glo Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 ((((Karen)))) I'm home today with not much on my schedule, so I'm programming that erratic organ that serves as my brain to send continuous good vibes to you all day! Ooops, did you just feel a sharp pinch on your left shoulder?? It was meant to be a soft hug! Back to the programming. Seriously, I wish I was close enough to just come to your house and run interference and take over your duties while you just soak in the tub, take a nap, listen to music, read a book, and feel a few hours of being Karen. Being a caregiver is exhausting, scary, lonely and so much more and you have so many other issues to contend with. Keep on venting here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 ((((Karen))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I agree with ginnyde. Sounds like you need to take a long-deserved break. Here's to you making that happen.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted April 22, 2005 Author Share Posted April 22, 2005 Thanks, ya'll. I guess falling asleep every night in the recliner doesn't help. I try to relax a little before going to bed so I don't lay there and toss and turn with my mind reeling. then I end up dragging myself up to bed at 2 am or something. that's my fault. I need to find a better method. it's time for a good book I think. I have plenty of friends, but everyone has families and busy lives and it's hard to nail anyone down to do anything, and being so far out in the country doesn't help things either. It seems like people rally when bad news hits, then after you settle in the routine of the fight and the treatment, boredom sets in and they all drift off. I do have one good friend, a fairly new friend, a single mom of an adopted little chinese cutie six weeks younger than Faith, and I am trying to get together more with them for girlfriend dates. Faith and Kelly play really well together. I should hook up with them this weekend. Faith has a birthday party tomorrow morning, twins from her class, and I am actually looking forward to that. Hopefully she'll go and play and not cling to me like she does whenever I'm anywhere nearby. It would be fun to sit and talk with the other parents while she has fun. I'm just rambling. Dave managed to drag himself out of bed and meet me at our realtor's office, where we drew up a counteroffer to the offer presented to us on Monday. I felt bad for him because we sat in a stuffy conference room for 1.5 hours and he looked like he was going to pass out. I think this is going to work out. Supposedly the buyers need to sell rental property to buy our place, but they say it will sell fast and then they want to close fast with us (they're doing a tax exchange) and rent back to us until we find a house. that will be nice, because in the cutthroat house sales environment where we want to buy into, having a clean contract, an already approved mortgage and a huge chunk of down payment ready to be plunked down, we will have an edge over our competitors in the world of house buying. I hope our counteroffer works. I'm ready to move on in some respect, whether it is OUT of the world of cancer or into a new home! well, better run, got to finish something up in the next 30 minutes. Just thought I'd check back in. thanks for all the hugs and good thoughts! Karen p.s. I am trying to find a little time here at work to sit and do a little meditating with God (prayer), hopefully that will get me through . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 karen-i know how you feel-it is lonely-my husband also is ill and is in bed most of the day-i work 8 hours and spend maybe 2 hours with him and back to bed he goes. they can't help it--i feel bad for them--never feeling good-sometimes cancer takes more out of the caregiver than the patient.i have been doing this 18 months and sad to say-some days i don't want to come home from work--because the cancer is there all the time. it never gives us or husbands a break. we just have to pray and be there for them. god bless and take care,nancy c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 God bless ALL you wonderful, loving caregivers. Your sacrifices are limitless. Prayers that you may get a reprieve and get renewed.You are all awesome and heroes in my book! Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 Karen, Just want you to know Iam thinking of you and hoping you are feeling better. I hope you had a nice time at the party and forgot some of your fears and frustrations for a bit. I hope all goes well with the house situation and the counter offer comes back in your favor. When you get your house sold, at least you will be busy checking out other houses and that will take your mind off of things for a little while, I pray for Dave everyday, and hope that things start to turn around for him for the better. Take care of yourself, Karen as I worry about you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 I have said-it is harder on those around -the caregivers-than on us with the cancer. Prayers are with you Love Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 Hi Karen, I'm sorry I'm late here. By the time you read this, I hope you are starting to feel a little better. I think of you, David and Faith often. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 If you can possibly take a break you will feel so much better Kathy. It makes you see things from a different perspective when you get home. A friend of mine once came and stayer with my Dave. When I got back the two of them had had a great afternoon talking and laughing. We both felt a lot better after that. Love and prayers going out to you Kathy you have far too much on your plate. Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Hi ya'll. didn't get on the computer much at home over the weekend 'cause it has a virus and Dave needs to fix it. The weekend wasn't that great. Took Faith to the party but she clung to me more than she should have, I was afraid she would, she does that all the time, even though she was around all her friends from school. I was feeling so down, really really down, and then yesterday my throat was scratchy and I realized I was getting a cold. Managed to get Dave to go to an open house yesterday, a for sale by owner, the house/yard was PERFECT for us and really beautiful, but we can't buy until we have a ratified contract and it was a little tiny bit more money than we really should pay, especially with Dave on disability, although we could get the mortgage and have plenty of down payment, just trying to restrain ourselves and buy much lower priced house so we'll have a really low mortgage payment, so I can start socking more money into my 401K and save for Faith's college, both have been put on hold since Dave was diagnosed two years ago. And sad to say, we are trying to find something I can easily manage on my own, financially and physically, if we lose Dave. so I'm at work today fighting a cold, still feeling down and a little bit miserable from it all. Anyway, my favorite Aunt, who is tons of fun, is coming to visit this weekend, and I'm going to spend the entire time running around with her, she loves shopping for bargains so that's what we'll do, and she is SUPER with kids, having six of her own and 12 grandkids, so Faith will have fun with her, too. I can't wait! Thanks for the support, everyone, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Whoops! Sorry Karen, I think I called you "Kathy" in my post . I am going nuts I think, dashing about getting ready to sell my house and move. Please forgive me. Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Hi, Paddy, I saw that, but it works for me. still starts with a "k"! I'm so excited and jealous that you sold your house so quickly! And excited for your move! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Take care of yourself Karen--as you know--we are the caregivers, wife, mother, moneymakers,etc etc etc. God--does that put the pressure on us!!!!!!!!! god bless,nancy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Yo Karen, Just want you to know I am thinking of you and really hoping you have a filled week-end with your aunt. Sorry to hear the party wasn't going to well for you and Faith was hanging all over you. I guess she is just scared and confused about her dad. Maybe it isn't just her maybe she feels your hurt and doesn't want to leave you. Anyway, I insist you have a Karen week-end and just concentrate on having fun. G-d knows you definetely need the break. You go girl... have fun!! Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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