HOW DO I HELP MY BEST FRIEND?

[KIMS FRIEND]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

OUR FAMILIES ARE BEST FRIENDS. KIMS HUSBAND HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH STAGE 4 NON SMALL CELL LUNG CANCER. HE HAD SURGERY IN FEB 05 TO REMOVE A TUMOR AND THEY FOUND IT HAD SPREAD TO HIS CHEST WALL. NOT FOUND IN LYMPH NODES OR ANYWHERE ELSE. HE WAS GIVEN 6MONTHS TO 1YEAR. WE WERE HORRIFIED BY THIS NEWS WHICH WAS DELIVERED TO US RATHER RUDELY. WE WERE ALL IN THE WAITING ROOM WITH KIM AND MIKES 10 YEAR OLD SON AND 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. THEY JUST CAME OUT AND TOLD ALL OF US THERE WAS NO HOPE. TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE INFO ON US KIM AND MIKE HAVE TWO KIDS MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE TWO ALSO A 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND A 9 MONTH OLD SON. OUR FAMILIES DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER. MY HUSBAND AND I WENT THROUGH SCHOOL WITH MIKE. KIM AND I WALK TOGETHER EVERY MORNING. OUR HUSBANDS HUNT TOGETHER. WE GO TO THE SAME CHURCH. WE SEE EACH OTHER DAILY THEY ARE MORE LIKE OUR FAMILY. MIKE HAS HAD 4CHEMO TREATMENTS AND IS HAVING A SCAN NEXT WEEK. I AM JUST LEARNING ABOUT THIS SO FORGIVE ME IF I DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL OF THE NUMBERS AND LETTERS AND WHAT THEY MEAN. I AM JUST LOST ON HOW TO HELP MY FRIEND, MY HUSBAND, MY KIDS, MYSELF AND THEIR KIDS IN DEALING WITH ALL OF THIS.

ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT!

THANKS

[cindi o'h]

well. you are here... that is a great step!

You will find there are others in your same situation. So sorry that the news was delivered to your families so bluntly.

I will tell you this, though. We are a group with very high hopes. There is always hope. It sounds as if your friend is going through the treatments. They can be rough on some and unkind to others. How is he holding up?

Do you have any specific questions about anything? You are right to feel a loss of control and devastation. That feeling should be gradually passing. The treatment that your friend is recieving is probably right now killing all those cancer cells to smitherenes! Now, that is good news! What kind of chemo is he getting? I had a late stage cancer too...lllb (next to 4) and they told me and my family "no hope" too.. that was 30 months ago. Still plugging along and no real evidence of any cancer that we know of...!

So. You never know what is going to happen with your freind and his family. But, what can you do? Accept it and fight it the best you know how. You are church-goers? Have people pray. The more prayers, the better. No kidding. Prayers came to me from all over the country and perhaps the world. It made a world of difference in my treatment and recovery.

These are just a few of my thoughts.

A big, warm welcome to you. You have come to a great place where we know what you are going through.

Hang in there!

Cindi o'h

[KIMS FRIEND]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF CHEMO BUT I WILL FIND OUT. I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED OUR AGES 33. I AM FINDING COMFORT AND HOPE IN THIS SITE AFTER READING AND READING. I AM GLAD I FINALLY GOT ON HERE AND FOUND OUT ABOUT OTHERS IN THIS SITUATION.

THANKS

[cindi o'h]

try reading under "MY STORY", our DavidP's story. There was a young man who battled lung cancer without the help of this site or any support from the community. There is a wonderful story of hope for you.

love again, Cindi o'h

[Jana_W]

Hi

I am so sorry to read about your friend's diagnosis. Please don't listen to the doctor's prognosis, because he really doesn't know how long your friend, you or anyone else is going to live. He is making an estimate based on all the outcomes of patients he has had. It is true that the survival rate for lung cancer isn't great, however, there are people who are beating these statistics every day. And you will find plenty of them on this site.

Jana

xx

[dadstimeon]

Hi Kim, I am so sorry to read about your friend's diagnosis, but glad you found us. Have some very good advise from the good folks here. Take it one-step and one day at a time. Stay focused and positive. Research, research and more research. Learn as much as you can. Get a second/third opinion if you have not already done so. Also join a support group. Helps to see how others are coping and dealing with it. And keep on doing what you guys have been doing all along, stay busy, as active as one can. Lung cancer is doable and we still can have a life. It's overwhelming and a lot to take in at first for all involved so it is understandable how you/everyone feels. Below are some links that might be of help. Hope this helps. Hang in there and stay with us. Prayers for the best. Rich

http://lcam.org (Lung Cancer Awareness Month / November)

http://www.merck.com/mmhe/index.html (Merck Manuals / Medical informations)

http://bmj.bmjjournals.com (British Medical Journal's)

http://www.cochrane.org/index0.htm (The Cochrane Collaboration / The reliable source of evidence in healthcare)

http://cancer.gov/dictionary (NCI Dictionary of Cancer Terms)

http://www.nccn.org/patients/patient_gl ... tents.asp# (Lung Cancer Treatment Guidelines for Patients – Version II/May 2004)

http://cancerweb.ncl.ac.uk/cancernet/600081.html (National Organizations That Offer Services to People With Cancer)

http://www.acscsn.org/books (The ACS and NCI Offer Free Cancer Survivorship Books)

http://www.cancercare.org/FinancialNeed ... .cfm?c=388 (Financial Needs: Internet Links for Financial Assistance)

http://www.cancermonthly.com/ (Cancer Monthly (The Source For Cancer Treatment Results)

http://www.roycastle.org (Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation)

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/quer ... h&DB=books (NCBI / BookShelf)

http://www.plwc.org/plwc/MainConstructo ... _id=&state (Caregiving)

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/MON/MON_1.asp (Track Side Effects)

http://www3.cancer.gov/cancercenters/centerslist.html (NCI-designated Cancer Centers / Cancer Centers Listed by State)

http://www.healthology.com/focus_articl ... cancernews (How To Eat Well During Cancer Treatment)

http://www.lifeclinic.com/focus/nutrition/nutrition.asp (Nutrition Facts and Information Center)

http://www.about-nsclc.com/content/patient/nsclc (Iressa)

http://www.about-nsclc.com/content/prof/about (Iressa)

http://www.findcancerexperts.com (Find Cancer Experts)

http://www.plwc.org/plwc/MainConstructo ... 008,00.asp (Making Decisions About Cancer Treatment)

http://www.chemocare.com (ChemoCare)

http://www.curetoday.com/currentissue/d ... index.html (Toolbox: Resources You Can Use)

http://www.cancerindex.org/clinks8h.htm (Resources for Caregivers)

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=U ... sa&spell=1 (Medicaid)

http://www.thehealthinsurance.com/medicaid.htm (Medicaid)

http://www.thebeehive.org/health/contests/medicaid.asp (Medicaid)

http://www.lungcancerfyi.com/lung_cancer_faq.html ((Lung Cancer - Frequently Asked Questions)

http://www.lungcanceronline.org/treatme ... osurg.html (Surgery - General Information & What to Expect)

http://www.lungcancerfyi.com/lung_cancer_glossary.html (Lung Cancer Glossary)

http://www.plwc.org/plwc/MainConstructo ... 008,00.asp (Receive the PLWC Bulletin)

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/health/hos ... p_home.htm (Directory Of American Hospitals)

http://www.lungcanceronline.org/tests/index.html (Lung Cancer Online / Test And Procedures)

http://www.vh.org/adult/patient/cancerc ... index.html (Understanding Blood Tests / A Guide for Patients with Cancer)

http://www.cancer.gov/cancerinfo/pdq/tr ... ng/patient (SCLC)

http://www.meds.com/pdq/smallcell_pat.html (Medicine OnLine / SCLG)

http://health.allrefer.com/health/prima ... -info.html (Diseases And Conditions / SCLC)

http://www.hospicefoundation.org (Hospice Foundation Of America)

http://www.hospiceweb.com (Hospice Web)

http://www.hospice-america.org/consumer.html (Hospice Association Of America)

http://www.hospicenet.org (Hospice Net)

http://www.plwc.org/plwc/MainConstructo ... 151,00.asp (PLWC Feature: Talking to Someone With Cancer)

http://www.zanesvilletimesrecorder.com/ ... 87526.html (3-year-old keeps her smile in battle with rare cancer)

http://www.rfalung.com (Radio Frequency Ablation Of Lung Cancer)

http://www.lungcancercoalition.org (Global Lung Cancer Coalition)

http://www.plwc.org/plwc/MainConstructo ... 008,00.asp (PLWC Feature: Financial Support Resources)

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/nycu/healt ... hqcanc.htm (Best Hospitals)

https://www.alcase.org/advocacy/sign_the_petition.html (Advocacy / Sign the Petition)

http://www.cancersymptoms.org (Oncology Nursing Society)

http://www.plwc.org/plwc/MainConstructo ... 008,00.asp (Questions to Ask the Doctor)

http://www.alcase.org/education/publica ... reath.html (With Every Breath A Lung Cancer Guidebook / From ALCASE / A Wealth Of Information / Free)

http://www.cancersurvivaltoolbox.org (The Cancer Survival Toolbox / Free / From NCCS)

http://www.centerwatch.com (Clinical Trails Listing Service / Center Watch)

http://news.google.com/news?hl=en&editi ... ung+cancer (Lung Cancer In The News)

http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org/pro ... /guide.asp (The Wellness Community / National Cancer Support, Education And Support / Free)

http://www.drugs.com (Drug Information Online)

http://www.alcase.org (ALCASE / Alliance For Lung Cancer Advocacy, Support, Education)

http://www.nlm.nih.gov (Unites States / National Library Of Medicine)

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/encyclopedia.html (Health Information / Medical Encyclopedia)

http://www.google.com (Great Search Engine)

http://blochcancer.org (R.A. Bloch Cancer Foundation, Inc. / Please read: A Letter to all newly diagnosed cancer patients)

http://www.cancer.org (American Cancer Society)

http://www.cancer.gov (Cancer Information Service / NCI)

http://www.cancerresearchcenter.org (Cancer Research Center)

http://www.aicr.org (American Institute for Cancer Research; Nutrition Hotline / AICR)

http://www.cancerhopenetwork.org (Cancer Hope Network)

http://www.acor.org (Association of Cancer Online Resources / Free Online Lifeline For Everyone Affected By Cancer & Related Disorders)

http://www.meds.com/lung/lunginfo.html (Lung Cancer Information Library)

http://www.lungusa.org (American Lung Association)

http://www.ama-assn.org (American Medical Association)

http://www.docguide.com/news/content.ns ... g%20Cancer (Doctor’s Guide / Lung Cancer)

http://www.healthfinder.gov/Scripts/Sea ... ?topic=506 (Healthfinder)

http://www.medicinenet.com/Lung_Cancer/article.htm (Medicine Net)

http://www.cancerindex.org/clinks2l.htm (Cancer Index / Lung Cancer Resources Directory)

http://www.nfcr.org/site/PageServer?pag ... ncers_lung (National Foundation For Cancer Research)

http://www.patientadvocate.org (Patient Advocate Foundation)

http://www.lungcanceronline.org/effects ... fects.html (Lung Cancer Online / Hematologic (Blood) Effects)

http://www.cancerlinks.org/lung.html (Lung Cancer Links)

http://www.cancer-free.com (Cancer Free Connections)

http://www.healthinsite.gov.au/topics/C ... ung_cancer (Health Insite)

http://www.lungcancerclaims.com (Lung Cancer / Lung Cancer Information Page)

http://www.cancerlifecenter.com/engine. ... =dictionar (Cancer Life Center/ Cancer Dictionary)

http://www.canceryellowpages.com/Resour ... G%20CANCER (Cancer yellow Pages)

http://icare.org (ICARE / The International Cancer Alliance)

http://www.vh.org/index.html (Virtual Hospital)

http://www.lungcanceronline.org/support/financial.html (Lung Cancer Online / Financial, Legal & Insurance Issues)

http://www.lungcanceronline.org/index.htm (Lung Cancer Online / HomePage)

http://cancernews.healthology.com/focus ... cancernews (Cancer News)

http://cis.nci.nih.gov/fact/7_48.htm (Follow-up Care: Questions and Answers)

[kimblanchard]

Don't ever give up hope, Live one day at a time. You will find that as time goes on life does get better. It will never be the same, but a lot of joy and good times are still to come....don't dwell on the bad, look for and savor the good. As a side note, the doctors have no way of accurately predicting life expentancy, this board is filled with those that have survived well past their prognosis. I was given one year and I'm closing on my second.

we're her for you

jim

[J.C.]

Hello Kim,

Welcome to this board, you sound like a

good person to have around.

Helping you friend would be natural for you, don't wait till she ask for something or some help,

just offer to do things for her on a daily

base. Listen to her and be there for her and her

husband.

I know you are doing it already, but keep it

up at all time.

Please keep us posted on your friend.

J.C.

[Kasey]

Welcome Kim's friend,

What a good friend you are. What to do?? Just be the good friend you are. You will find that the dynamic of the friendship may change a little bit. Your friends may change a little bit. You can be their fortress. Maybe you could suggest a second opinion. I kept going to 4 opinions until I heard what I wanted to hear. You can do research for your friends. You can find out whatever needs to be found out - about treatment, about where to go, etc.

What a shock for all of you to be so young and facing this disease. It sounds as if you are all facing it together and that alone will be a comfort to your friends. Come here often for support, with questions, to vent. Someone will always be here for you.

Looking forward to your updates.

Kasey

[SBeth]

Kim,

Welcome. I'm very sorry that your families are going thru this, it's a terrible disease, but from it can come many wonderful things. Your dedication to your friends is admirable; your thoughtfulness reminds me of Nell, another "LCSC family-member". She can probably give you a great deal of advice on how to cope and help; but just being there will be the best thing you can do. Just be there! In time, things will settle down and many will quit calling, quit asking, seem to quit caring...be a steady force for your friends to depend upon. I envy your friends to have you in their corner. Please come back often, help us and let us help you!

[Maryanne]

Hi,

Just wanted to say welcome and so sorry about your friend. This is a horrible time for them also full of so much uncertainty for his future.

There are many survivors her that are stage IV and have been for years.

Tell your friend not to give up and always get a 2nd or even a third opinion. There is always hope somewhere.

We are always here for support. Please keep us posted on your friends condition.

Maybe you can get him or his wife to come here for support also,

You are a great friend. Keep being there for them, which I am sure you wil.

Maryanne

[Hebbie]

Kim

I am so sorry to hear of your friend's diagnoses -- you are all the same age that I was when I was diagnosed a little over two years ago.

You sound like a wonderful friend -- just keep doing what you are doing -- continue being there for them and being their friends. Cancer is such a scary word and such a scary journey, made much easier by the love and support of family and friends. So many people don't seem to know how to handle it and end of shying away just when their friend needs them the most.

What did my best friend do? She made sure that each Thursday, when I returned home from my weekly chemo infusion, that she was there at my house, with a hot meal cooked for me, and she stayed with me while I ate and then we watched goofy "chick flicks" or "Friends" episodes. She would stay until I fell asleep and then she would go home. That meant SO much to me. I knew that I didn't have to worry about anything when coming home -- we dubbed it "Chemo Night" (have to retain a little humor in these situations.... )

Ask your friend(s) what you can do for them, but they will most likely say "nothing" as they won't want to be a "burden". Small little ways of letting you know that you are there for them will mean so much.

I wish you all the very best as you begin this journey and please join us here often, as it is a wonderful place for support and knowledge.

Warmly,

Heather

[Ry]

PLease tell your friend about this site and make sure they get a second opinion. He has many many options still open to him as you will see from reading here. My husband was told he had 4 months (almost 3 years ago) that wasn't acceptable. At the time we had a 3 year old and two older children. He needs to find a positive doctor that will help him fight to stay with his family.

Next, don't take no for an answer. Mow the lawn, make meals, do those things while he is going through treatment. Believe me it will be appreciated. PLease keep us updated on him.

Rochelle

[Doughnut]

Hi -as you can see from my own post I too am new and am here because of a friend who's only 39. Claire had SCLC but I thought I'd reply to your post to let you know that my grandmother lived for nearly 8 years with stage iv NSCLC before dying of something else entirely. The doctors said she'd die within months. When my Dad had a go at the docs later they admitted that this disease constantly surprises them and that they could never offer anything other than educated "guesses". Remember, a prognosis is just a guess. I guessed the lottery numbers at the weekend, didn't make me right!

[Don Wood]

Thanks for posting. Tell Kim and Mike about this site. Also tell them about the number of survivors on this site, including my wife, Lucie, who is also Stage IV NSCLC, and was given 9 months. She is now 2 years and 7 months from that diagnosis, still fighting. Don

[Fay A.]

Tell Kim and her husband that there is Lung Cancer specific research being done at the University of Cincinnati in Ohio. Those are the folks who found the defective DNA that is responsible for the development of Lung Cancer in some families.

And stress the importance of a second and even a third opinion to Kim's husband. He needs to find docs who are as interested in saving his life as he is in having them do so.

Wishing you all well. And they are very fortunate to have a friend like you.

[Ry]

Please see the Newcomer section...I believe Kim has posted.

[KIMS FRIEND]

YEP KIM IS NOW POSTED SO THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE GREAT INFO

[bauner95]

Just because I am here does not mean you have to go. You can still be here and help us!

Love ya,

Kim

[richinsdakota]

Welcome Kim and friend, the more support, the merrier. U will learn a lot and find hope and practical options here. Good luck. Rich B.

[KIMS FRIEND]

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE I AM LEARNING ALOT FROM THIS SITE. IT'S OVERWHELMING THE INFO ON HERE ITS GOING TO TAKE A LONG TIME TO SORT THROUGH ALL THIS. ONE THING THAT IS REALLY BOTHERING ME MIGHT SOUND FUNNY BUT MIKES COMPLAINING OF EVERYTHING TASTING LIKE METAL AFTER CHEMO AND HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT FOR DAYS AFTER IS REALLY GETTING TO ME IS THERE NOTHING THAT CAN HELP THIS PROBLEM? I COULD NOT EVEN IMAGE.

C-YA

SUSIE (KIMS FRIEND)

[KIMS FRIEND]

AFTER READING KIMS POSTS I AM SO GLAD MIKE HAS A FEW MORE OPTIONS TO TRY TO RID THE METALLIC TASTE. I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK HE WAS STUCK WITH IT. I SO HOPE ONE OF THOSE WILL WORK. AND THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT.

SUSIE

[Calintay]

Welcome Kim and Friend! To the both of you make sure to lend the shoulders to cry on when needed, and the ear to listen and don't forget to laugh. Laughing sure does help. Kim don't be stubborn if your friend offers to watch your children or do your laundry or cook LET HER! She sounds like a great friend and your husbands are very lucky to have 2 wonderful wives. Good luck and many prayers!