Cindy RN Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I have 2 daughters. one is 26 and the other 19. Vicky-26 moved in with boyfriend(against my wishes ) early this summer. He kept saying-she needs her independence, blah blah!! Well he now decides he needs to run with the guys more and told her she needed to move out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has a good friend from work who is going to rent her a room in her house -pretty cheap for the area she is living in and a mile from her job. I really want to beat him stupid. His family goes to our church and are real good Christian people. I do not know what happened to him!! His dad died several yrs ago, they will croak when they find out what he has done to her! Sammy my other one is 19 and dating the worst possable person for her!! He does not work, does not go to school, sits around all day playing video and computer games waiting for to get out of school or off work so SHE can get them something to eat. Or go to a movie-of course on her!! I wish it was back in the days when you could pick your daughters husbands! OR at least public floggings were legal!! I asked God for 10 yrs when I was diagnosed so I could see my kids thru some of these hard places before I leave. I sure hope He has a plan for them because I am going to use a chemo rage as a defence at the trial for battery against these 2 morons!! Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Cindy, I'm right there with you in legalizing public floggings. I'm the mother of three grown sons and I can tell you that I would be right there flogging away with you if one of my boys was the one at fault! As parents, it's so hard to really ever let go, as our children are always our "babies" regardless of their age! Finally, after all of these years of raising children, I have learned to keep my opinions to myself a little more. It seems the more I say, the more they rebel. I'm thinking of you on this one, Cindy! Tough situation to handle. But...as for that 10 years...forget it! You're going to be around for lots of grandchildren!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 The biggest problem between my daughter and I during my recovery from the pneumonectomy and subsequent chemo was The Boyfriend. He eventually showed himself for what he really is, and she left him. But the damage he did to her alone, and to my daughter's and my relationship with each other was-is life altering. I love my daughter very much. I've known other parents who have "disowned-never-to-speak-with-their-child-again" over less than what occurred between my daughter and me during that time. It will take time for my daughter and I to work our way through what happened. But I really do love her. And maybe we can find our way back to what we once had together. I went off on her in a steroid rage...but what I went off about was 100% valid and everone who knows anything about what happened knows it to be true. I keep to myself what comes to mind when I think of the Boyfriend. Keep the doors to communication open to the girls, Cindy. It's hard. Sending hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Flog them first then turn them over to the chicken cult as I'm sure they could be tarred and feathered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted October 14, 2005 Author Share Posted October 14, 2005 AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! I hate it but I agree with you all. I have kept my mouth shut, at times when they ask I will speak my piece. I just wish life could be easier for them! They have to learn it on their own but I really am afraid it will be too late and they wil have to live the consequences forever. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchurchi Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Maybe you can contact Mike S. and have him teach you martial arts and with a sly little left hook to the rib cage you can teach those ------- a lesson on how Ladies should be treated!!!! They obviously have a lot to learn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 We share some of your struggles. It is hard. We try to love them as they are and not as they should be, but like you, worry about life long consequences to poor decisions. It is a worry. P and B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I guess my question would be: "Why are your daughters attracted to these types?" When we don't answer these questions, we are doomed to repeat the behavior. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Cindy, My children are only 11 & 13 so I haven't been through that part of life yet. But, just reading your post makes me understand your frustration and anger. We all want the absolute best for our children, of course. It hurts to know that no matter how we try to protect them, they are going to make BAD mistakes and get hurt. (I think I've had MORE than my fair share of them!) Hang in there....it has to get better!! PS...I think the chemo rage just might work at your trial. I'll stand behind you. The "morons" need to be taught a lesson!! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SDianneB Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I do NOT envy you! Just one bit of advice -- get a nice dog or cat, or both, instead of kids - ha! How they ever make it out into the world sometimes is beyond me. You are all to be commended for what you do raising these young ones. Di Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Don, It's a valid question as far as I'm concerned. My daughter is working towards answers to that question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Man! I wonder how many times my mom said the same thing to her friends. Obviously she was right every time except the last one. I'll tell you right now...better not let ANYONE mess with my babies when the time comes! You have my most sincere sympathies! Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 When they are young they sit on your lap. When they get older they sit on your heart. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted October 15, 2005 Author Share Posted October 15, 2005 Carol you are so right. Don-I have the most wonderful husband who treats me with love and respect. We have been married almost 16 yrs. They have watched him over the yrs. My son has taken after him and treats his wife so well. The kids real father does not have much to do with them. He calls them and sends money to help with Samanthas college bills but he is a drunk and has a terrible drug problem. The kids all know it. I had always hoped they would look for someone like Tom, looks like they are leaning towards their real dad. The kids were raised in the church since they were born. They know how to behave but they seem to pick the wrong type and try to change them. They are learning that does not work. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 I agree with Don. My daughter was born very strong-willed, independent, and appeared to the world to be full of self confidence. Then she started dating a guy who absolutely controlled her every movement and physically abusing her (we found out later). She still has back problems from him slamming her on a concrete garage floor. When we were finally able to get her out of it, my daughter went through a process of asking herself the question Don asked. Why did she allow herself to be treated that way? What emerged was that on some level she thought she deserved it. It stunned me to learn that she didn't see herself as the beautiful, talented, bubbling, wonderful girl that I saw. Perhaps your daughters' real father has had more impact on their self-esteem than you realize. I read somewhere that a daughter's relationship with men is a direct result of her relationship with her father. If her father rejected her (even if it's by his absence or lack of involvement in her life), she will subconsciously look for a man like him to try again to "earn" her father's love. From what I've read, a father influences his children whether or not he is actually in their lives. Sad, huh? Good luck. I've spent many sleepless nights with that hard knot in my stomach, worrying myself sick about my kids. (And I probably have more of those nights ahead of me.) Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roseymac Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 I am going to go with the old Good Girls Love Bad Boy's!!!! I went through this for a while with my daughter when she was young. I think the excitement of it all, and especially when they get to nuture the guys it makes them feel really needed. Happy to say she has outgrown all this, and is with a super guy now that treats her and I wonderful. Rosemary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 I feel your pain, Cindy. My youngest is still with his first and only girlfriend. Seven years now. She is a royal pain in my tuckus (sp?) Won't even walk into a room if my hubby and I are in it, unless my son is also there. Like we are ogres. My son is the most tolerant guy ever born, I think (obviously!) He acknowledges how high maintenance his girl is and lately, I think the "bloom is off the rose" a bit, in terms of his feelings towards the relationship. But they still live together. I've already expressed my concerns to him...so in the past year, since they moved in together...I ask after her...how's her job going, etc....and that's it. But let me tell you, it ain't easy being quiet. I can see the handwriting all over the wall. I'm talking major graffiti here...and can only hope he's starting to get a more realistic picture too! I mean, ask yourself how "impressed" a potential future MIL would be if the girl sits at the dinner table after a meal and WAITS for someone else to clear her dishes? (The Princess Lives! ) I raised my kids to understand that looks come and go, passion fades and fortunes come and go, too. Marry for the right reasons. Find someone with similar values....someone stable, reliable and trustworthy. Someone with character and integrity. Someone willing to pitch in a bit and make an effort with your family, too. Someone who hasn't been raised as "The Princess" in her family. The oldest one finally got the message. We adore his fiancee. But #2 son? Well, all I can do is hope she shoots herself in the foot...which it appears she may be doing. Does it make me a bad person to WISH for that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shar Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Hi Cindy, I guess we all make mistakes, these ones are always the worst. There arent enough swear words in this world to describe my ex husband. I had a 3 yr family court battle with him over our children and when I was diagnosed with this illness his reaction to me was that I now have what I deserve!!!!! I made myself a promise that I would never speak to him again and that I wouldnt waste a moment of life on him again. I have watched him turn fat, grow trailer trash hair and get uglier than before. There is justice after all!!!! Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 Well-My oldest has let the------talk her into staying with him!! They have been together for 6 yrs and I don't think he thought she would actully leave until she had a place to move and her stuff was packed. He agreed to come back here on Sundays to go to church with us and he would stop going out as much.HA! I hope he is being truthful but I bet within a few weeks it will be back to the same ole same ole. He came by the house last nite to see the pups, his pug is the one we bred Roxy with so hubby and I satyed downstairs in the family room. Better that way. I am trying to stay our of it. I may need duct tape to hold me down next time tho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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