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Broken Spirit

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Im feeling really down today. My dad has really been in pain lately and it's breaking my heart. I feel so helpless. I wish I knew more so maybe I could do more. In fact I wish this wasn't happening to my dad. All my life my dad was extremely healthy. One day his whole life changed. I know were going to lose him but I just don't know when. I can see him slipping more and more each day that passes. Everyday he hurts some where new or he's coughing more or vomiting and whincing in pain because his bones hurt. Recently he started forgetting fairly important things but he had a scan two weeks ago at the E.R. and nothing showed up.(Thank God!) I just don't know where or who to turn to.Im glad nothing showed but I still don't understand why he's dizzy or forgetting things I know he should remember. His oncologist says maybe its anxiety...or maybe the medicines. I know my dad will not own up to anything because he's afraid I'll worry or my mom will. I have three brothers but I can't talk with any of them...they inherited my dads pride. It must be a man thing.I just want us to be able to express our feelings and cry together if we gotta.He just doesn't talk about this at all unless it has to do with him dying. I can't think of that anymore. It makes my heart hurt and I get a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. He wants me to go look at his plot! No way can I do that. I hope someday soon we can talk because I don't know how many days I'll have. Its so hard to talk with him because I try to keep him from knowing my hurt. I just want to let him know I love him and want to help make this a little easier. If I can do anything to help I want so badly to be able to. I know he doesn't show emotion in front of anyone and that makes it difficult to talk with him. I want to be able to tell my dad how much he means to me and my daughter. I want him to know he makes my heart smile. He has always been so special.I want to tell him how much he means to my daughter she thinks the world of him.

Im sorry I unloaded on you all but I do feel a little better! Thanks so much for listening!

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Try to write it all down in a letter to him - say whatever you need to say, openly and without worrying about his reaction. Be honest. If you decide not to give it to him to actually read, you'll still feel so much better for having had a chance to get it all out. And, you may find, that your Dad could read it in private and absorb it a lot easier that way than listening.

There is no rule book for going through this, so we all have to feel our way along as we go. Come back and talk to us as often as you want. Lots of listeners here any time of day or night. Just don't go through this alone. Okay?

Sending caring thoughts and strength,


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Tell him, tell him everything

you want to tell him.

I'd give anything to be able to go back

and tell my father the things I wanted

to say when he was as ill as your father.

I didn't do that and now I go talk

to a vault at the cemetery.

A girls father is her Hero, he is invincible,

it just doesn't sink in that they can

actually die until its too late. Father's have

special feelings for their daughters.

I pray the doctors can get your father

needed pain relief. Now days there is

no reason to suffer in a lot of pain.


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Hi Beth,

I am sorry for the pain you are going through. It is so scarey to see your dad who has always been the strong one, deteriorate in front of your eyes.

Just love him and be with him as much as you can. Try and see if he is going through any kind of depression or enxiety, as there is medication out there that can help.

Keep us posted. We are always here for you.


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Hi Beth: I am sorry that your have to watch your dad suffer. I would just guess that your dad does not want to talk about his cancer brcause it helps hi cope with it somehow. But you can still tell him you love him and how much he means to you. Maybe in the converation, he would tell you of his feelings about his disease and suffering. Go talk to your dad.

Don M

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This really stinks for you, and I am sorry you are having such a tough time. I agree with all the other posts, though. As difficult as this is, you do have time right now, that you may not have later. Don't let anything go unsaid. Even if you don't get too much of a response, you will know you said it, and so will he.

Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. Come here and unload anytime!

:) Kelly

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Dear Beth,

This is a place to cry, scream, hug, share and just be yourself..I have spent many nights sitting here typing through the tears and holding my broken heart. The people here have gone through it all, and understand your pain. You will get through this some how, even though you think that is not possible right now..Every chance I get I run here for hugs and support, you are welcome to do the same..You will find the most compassionate and loving people here...God has given all these wonderful friends to you, come here often and just open your heart..Show your dad just how much he is loved, and don't hold back..My prayers go out to you and your family..

God's Blessings..

Donna K.

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