bethluvswill13 Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Im feeling really down today. My dad has really been in pain lately and it's breaking my heart. I feel so helpless. I wish I knew more so maybe I could do more. In fact I wish this wasn't happening to my dad. All my life my dad was extremely healthy. One day his whole life changed. I know were going to lose him but I just don't know when. I can see him slipping more and more each day that passes. Everyday he hurts some where new or he's coughing more or vomiting and whincing in pain because his bones hurt. Recently he started forgetting fairly important things but he had a scan two weeks ago at the E.R. and nothing showed up.(Thank God!) I just don't know where or who to turn to.Im glad nothing showed but I still don't understand why he's dizzy or forgetting things I know he should remember. His oncologist says maybe its anxiety...or maybe the medicines. I know my dad will not own up to anything because he's afraid I'll worry or my mom will. I have three brothers but I can't talk with any of them...they inherited my dads pride. It must be a man thing.I just want us to be able to express our feelings and cry together if we gotta.He just doesn't talk about this at all unless it has to do with him dying. I can't think of that anymore. It makes my heart hurt and I get a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. He wants me to go look at his plot! No way can I do that. I hope someday soon we can talk because I don't know how many days I'll have. Its so hard to talk with him because I try to keep him from knowing my hurt. I just want to let him know I love him and want to help make this a little easier. If I can do anything to help I want so badly to be able to. I know he doesn't show emotion in front of anyone and that makes it difficult to talk with him. I want to be able to tell my dad how much he means to me and my daughter. I want him to know he makes my heart smile. He has always been so special.I want to tell him how much he means to my daughter she thinks the world of him. Im sorry I unloaded on you all but I do feel a little better! Thanks so much for listening! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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