Leaving Loved Ones Behind

[Kel M]

Hi,

Now that there is some distance from the holidays, I can reflect a little more clearly on surviving them without Mom.

I busted my derriere to get all the usual baking done in time for Christmas, selected gifts that I thought would brighten everyone's day and just generally pasted on a happy face. Surprisingly - I was able to enjoy Christmas with only a bit of anxiety and a few tears. Overall, we had a good time and we believe Mom was very proud of us for doing her favourite holiday justice.

New Year's was a bit different though. New Year's Day has never been a "huge" day in our house - we generally have a nice dinner, but it has always been a day to relax. That said, I shed many tears between Christmas and New Year's because I realized that 2005 was coming to an end and that Mom belonged to it and the past. It was a devastating feeling to realize that 2006 simply wouldn't include her.

Does that make any sense??? I know that I carry my Mom in my heart (and head!!), but as her mortal life ended in 2005, in many ways I felt the greatest pain when January 1, 2006, arrived and she wasn't there to see it. Does anyone have any thoughts about this? Did you experience something similar? I'd appreciate any sharing you might want to do.

Have a good day!

Kel

[karenl]

Hi Kel

I know exactly what you mean. We struggled through Christmas alright, and New Year too. But I must say that I felt despondent on New Year's Eve, and for all the same reasons that you have talked about in your post. My sister and I, and our families, spent New Year's Eve with Dad at his house, we had a nice dinner, and then toasted the New Year at midnight, but it felt hollow and just plain stupid to be making an attempt to celebrate the beginning of a New Year, considering that we all really just wanted to go back in time to when Mum was here and healthy!

Still waiting for it to get easier

Hang in there,

Karen

[Ann]

Kel, I am so very sorry for your pain. I know that many people have described the same feelings you are having regarding your mom now being a part of the "past." I can definitely understand those feelings at the beginning of a new year. When I lost my mom, I felt that she had become a part of me that actually lived on inside my heart. I found it became very important to do things she had always done and carry on family traditions. I pray that you can somehow find some peace your mom's passing and always know that she lives on through you.

[Miami Janet]

Hi Kel,

I agree with you...Christmas went better then expected but on New Years when the ball came down I couldnt stop crying. It just hit me hard that 2006 was here and Mom was not. I guess all of the firsts(birthday, mothers day etc) will be sad.Janet

[sharyn]

oh yeah, i can relate to this.... when it was New Years Eve last year, I cried and cried at midnight. Like you said, it was like acknowledging that Daddy truly was part of another time.... We always had a tradition of calling each other right after midnight, when that phone didn't ring... it broke my heart. I am sorry it was so hard for you, I think it is a common thread we all share. Love, Sharon

[JimW]

I had the same feeling about Ada. I didn't want time to go by because the more time that went by the more Ada was in the past. It has been over two years now and this feeling has subsided somewhat - but I can relate to what you are feeling.

Jim

[natalie]

Wow, I didn't realize that other people felt this way. I'm actually normal! phew! I thought it would be easier the second time around on New Years, but it wasn't. It feels like I'm leaving my mom behind. I don't feel that its a cause of celebration. It light of the pain, I make a joke out of it. My husband and friends think I'm just not a "New Years" person. Last year when the clock rolled midnight, I acted like I was busy in the kitchen.

[nancy c]

Oh my God, I was just telling my mother , yesterday, how awful I felt on New Year's. It was harder than Christmas. Starting a new year without Mike and my brother, Ron...broke my heart. I felt so empty..the end of their lives were in 2005...and there is no more 2005. I know what every one of you mean. God bless, Nancy C

[Jana_W]

Yep, as Karen already said it was hard for us to see the end of the year that had Mum alive in it and be toasting the new year without her. I can also really relate to the concept of not wanting time to keep passing by, as it means it's been longer since we've been with our loved one. I feel that one ALOT! The passing of time since Mum died almost scares me, as strange as that may sound. It scares me that so much time will pass and people I know will expect that I've moved on and am OK now, when I will just still feel the same sadness I felt the day that she died.

Jana

xxx

[kimmek]

Kel

I have not experienced this, but I can imagine very clearly how you are feeling. It makes perfect sense. Its hard when you prepare yourself for what you think are going to be the rough days (Christmas), you get past that and then it sneaks up and grabs you when you dont expect it. I hope that 2006 is better year for us all.

God Bless

Kim

[Maryanne]

Hi Kel,

I pray you are feeling somewhat better by now.

I know how you feel as this was the first Christmas and New Year without my mom.

The feeling is the calm after the storm. The storm being the bussel and bussel during the holidays and the calm, after it is all over and it sinks in...no mom...

I know how hard it is, but in my heart I know my mom and dad were there with us and that helped take some of the emptiness away that I was feeling.

Take care and know that your mom, even though she is not physically here with you, she is only a breath away. She loves you and she is there to share those special times and wants nothing but for you to be happy.

Maryanne

[Treebywater]

I've been meaning to reply to this for a while now... I'm sorry I'm so late.

I very much relate. That feeling didn't so much come over me at New Year's (we had so much crap go down at Christmas time and people in our family just kept being hospitalized with chest pains that I was just wanting for 2005 to be OVER already!). But as I posted earlier, that feeling washed over me so strongly as I took down the tree. The season was over... the year was over... and Mom won't be a part of any more year's or Christmases ever again. It all felt so final and devestating.

It's a terrible feeling to know that they are now just part of our past. People keep saying, "But you still have the memories." "Hold onto the memories." and I just want to shout, "THE MEMORIES AREN'T ENOUGH!!!! I WANT MY MOM!!!"

I do feel that I'm leaving her behind... and when I count up the months since she's been gone I can't believe it. It still feels to me like it JUST happened. It still feels fresh and painful. The wounds still feel open. And I'm afraid to have too much time go by because I want to be close to her. I think it's why I keep going over and over and over different things.

Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble on about me, but I did want to say that I get it Kel. And I feel it too. It sucks.

[stand4hope]

Things got harder for me after Christmas, too, Kel. Must be because we were both so busy planning Christmas and all the activities. When things slowed down . . . . well, you know the rest.

God bless you, Kel!

Love,

Peggy

[Fall54]

Dear Kel,

I know what you mean. My FIL (that just passed 1/19/06) made it to 2006 and that made me so happy. I knew his time was drawing near and I so much wanted him to make 2006. I know its a strange thing but we all understand. I know he was a part of 2006 and as the year changed from 05 to 06 my first thought was "oh , I am so glad he made it to 2006!) Strange, I mean because he is now a part of my past even though he did live some in 2006, but somehow it made me feel better to know he did.

God Bless You,

Jane