Bill Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I'm Robert - Bill's son. excuse the poor explanation that follows but I dont have any medical background. it looks like my mother has just about reached the end. shes been in the hospital since yesterday morning. cant stop the fluid in the lungs. 2 large bottles of what the Dr called exudate sitting next to her bed whne I left. never heardd her scream so much as when the Dr kept jabbing her back with needles and drains. Dr says that her lungs are marblized with cancer. he mentioned a drain that can be surgically impplanted into the abdomen or something like that but say the surgery may not be worth it. shes on huge dose ofoxycodone and the ######## ! med oncologist only remarks are that he will procede with chemo if she wannts. no urgency in his mind and no plan to change drugs to more aggresive stuff.. to him shes just another patient going out the back door while a new 1 enters the front. at some point my father will give you a better up date but this is such a mess and so upsetting that I dont kno when. the pulmonoligist says that my mothers lungs could arrest at any time. he sees very little fiunctional tissue left and gives her a few days to a few week depending on chemo. my mother wants to be cremated with her ashes spread in the Pacific ocean like with neptune society. can anybody explain the useual process for arranging and doing this and ways to do it to keep costs down.? Thank you very much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anais Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Thank you for sharing this episode. I'm very sorry to hear about your mother's health. The most important is adequate and well-controled pain. Wishing you and your mother strength, Anaïs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Not to sound Morbid or weird but check with a Funeral Home for a lot of details and I think they could probably help in some ways. If you know the end is near you should make some Preps if you have not. I speak from personal experience with the loss of my wife in Jan 06 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Robert, I wish I had answers, but I don't. I just want to welcome you and to let you , your dad and your family know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray your mom's pain can be controlled and something can be done for her. God Bless, Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted March 11, 2006 Author Share Posted March 11, 2006 I appreciate the understanding on me asking this touchy question. I offered to pay this and must face this and I want to do the right thing but funds are limited. I went through my fathers pile of medical business cards and found a couple of hospital social workers cards. I will ask them for help may be. My father has been financing 3 family health crisis all at this same time.. my mom and another family member is in a nursing home and another one is disable by stroke. even with insurance on my mom his out of pocket portion has been big. he also had to pay for some outside opinions and a couple of medical procedures that werent correctly authorizedc so insurance wouldnt pay and he had to pay. my moms med bills are way over $1 million. I was warned to be careful about arrangements as that industry i am asking about has its share of rip offs. this is why I am asking for guidaence on this touchy subject Robert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Oh Robert! I'm truly sorry for everything that you have to deal with it's such a difficult time. Do you have any siblings that can help you out? I will keep your Family in my prayers. I know exactly what your feeling and it really Stinks but,be strong it will get better Michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilliBr1 Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Keeping all of you in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyoung20 Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Robert, I'm so sorry for everything your family is going through now. Please know that I ampraying for you all of you!!! GOD BLESS!! Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Robert, so sorry you all have to go through all this. Thanks for posting and letting us know the situation. Don Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Rbert, If there is anything we can do to help just ask. Many prayers for you and the family right now. We are here if you need us for anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 I am very sorry for what your mother is going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Hello, Robert. I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this. I know how hard your dad has fought to get your mom the very best care and attention available, and it's just so sad that it has gotten so bad. I know what you are going through - I went through it with my mom and dad, too. It's just a tough time and there aren't words created that can really make it any easier. I hope it does help you a little bit, though, to know that we really do care and that we are collectively putting our arms around you and your whole family. Please tell your dad, too, that we are thinking about him at this time. He has shared tons of information and knowledge with us through all of his research for your mom. He has helped a lot of people. I don't have answers for you on the funeral arrangements. I sure wish I did because I would be so willing to help if I could. God bless you, Robert! Love, Peggy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Robert, I am sorry it has come to this. I don't know much about the Neptune Society. I generally know that arrangements through a funeral home for cremation is less expensive. Maybe it is time to call in hospice who are experts at managing pain. Don M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 I am so sorry for the agony that you, your mother and family are going through. My prayers are with you at this difficult time. You might talk to the social worker at the hospital for some direction. Prayers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Robert, Will pray for your mother and all the family, hoping for some peace time and no pain. For the funeral, cremation could be done and THE IMPORTANT PART: you could, the family when you feel ready to do what your mother wants with her ashes, no need for a fancy urn or container, that is where the price is. Just ask around. Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 Please tell your father and mother that I am praying. Thank you for the post. Blessings, Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jorja Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 I am so sorry that you are going through this. Just know I am thinking and praying for your whole family. love, jorja Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 what are your mother's wishes? I don't care what they do with me when I am gone.... I will be dead. What do I care? Throw me back by the woodpile. I don't care. Cindi o'h Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Robert, I am so sorry for the pain you are all going through..You are in my prayers.. Wishing you God's Blessings, Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 So very sorry and horrified to hear of all of this. I am so upset about the seemingly indifference of your Mother's med onc. I think the very most important thing is to manage her pain as much as possible. As far as the many other problems go, I sure hope that you can find a social worker or somebody that can help with some resources for everything medically, emotionally, financially. There's just gotta be some help out there for all of you and I pray that you all will be helped immediately. Sending you the best as possible, Patty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flwrjunke Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Robert, I'm so sorry that you are going through this and need this information. My Mom had made arrangements with the Neptune Society. There is one in Costa Mesa and the cost is about $1500.00. Hope this info helps and I really wish you didn't need it. Prayers for you and your family. Patty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Robert I am so sorry for your mother's pain and all of your anguish. it's so painful to read about, but do come here and let us support you and your father in any way we can. you're all in our prayers. I pray for your mother's comfort, and peace for all of you. I know you'll find a way to honor your moms wishes that you and your family can live with. xoxo amie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted March 22, 2006 Author Share Posted March 22, 2006 I've only know read this message. My heart hurts for your family. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you. katie -my mother has been to 3 hospitals in the last 2 weeks. thoracic surgeon is talking about some sort of catheter implant for her lung fluids but he doesnt know if my mother can tolerate the surgery. I havent spokern with my father since yesterday morning. a friend that has seen them says that the doctors are all doom and gloom which is nothin new to us. BTW my father cant find any medical oncologist that currently uses chemo sensitivity testing. several people have told us that they are familar with this type of testing and have used it but they say that results arent that differnet compared with using set drug protocols so they are luke warm on the subject now .. has anybody been treated by a oncologist that uses sensitivity testing method in choosing chemo drugs/ please post the effectiveness of it in your real life case, thanks. rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy B Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Rob, don't know if this will be any help or not, but my second diagnosis, I requested a chemo-sensitivity test. I guess it was up to my surgeon to order this test on the tumor that he removed. I am in the Pasadena, CA area and would be glad to give you the names of my doctors, just pm me. My oncologist said that the report "makes my job harder", I guess because what the sensitivity test came up with didn't agree with what his normal protocal was. I can sure look back in all my reports, I have a copy of the test, and see what it said compared to what chemo I was given. I am curious now as I know alot more than I did 2 years ago. Hope this helps somewhat. Nancy B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamweaver Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I just went through the cremation thing last November as that was Keiths wish. If you ask the hospice nurse or social workers - they can probably give you the name of a reputable funeral home to talk to. Thats how I found the one where Keith was taken to. They charged us 700.00 for the cremation. We didn't buy any special container as Keiths wishes were to be scattered in the mountains. His brother took him with him to California and will fullfill Keiths requests. Keith passed away in Ponca, Nebraska but we worked with a funeral home in Sioux City. He was really a wonderful man to work with. He gave a discount to families who were on social security. If your mom is on social security you might check on it. I believe they pay something on the funeral expenses. At least we were told that they would pay 200.00 of Keiths expenses. So originally it was 900.00 and they did it for 700.00. Hope that helps some.. and makes sense. if you want a special urn or a funeral along with the cremation I am sure it will be higher. Keith didn't want any of that. He wanted no fuss with his passing over. Melanie I've only know read this message. My heart hurts for your family. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you. katie -my mother has been to 3 hospitals in the last 2 weeks. thoracic surgeon is talking about some sort of catheter implant for her lung fluids but he doesnt know if my mother can tolerate the surgery. I havent spokern with my father since yesterday morning. a friend that has seen them says that the doctors are all doom and gloom which is nothin new to us. BTW my father cant find any medical oncologist that currently uses chemo sensitivity testing. several people have told us that they are familar with this type of testing and have used it but they say that results arent that differnet compared with using set drug protocols so they are luke warm on the subject now .. has anybody been treated by a oncologist that uses sensitivity testing method in choosing chemo drugs/ please post the effectiveness of it in your real life case, thanks. rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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