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I'm losing my grip (really long and depressing)


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Oh Carleen

I read your post this morning but could not respond as I had to get to work and I was also quite upset about everything that is going on in your life. I actually needed time to respond to your post.

But when I just come on you were flooded with so many posts full of love and support.

You are loved so much here and so many of your family on here have said what I am feeling. I will say that I also feel you desparately need help and someone to talk too. If anyone is a candidate for that it is you. We worry about you and we know you will get through this but you do need help.

I know how frustrating it is when we are good people and believe in G-d, and then all these negative things happen. Why.. I don't know, life isn't fair at times but I just know there is a plan somewhere. I believe in Karma so to me that answers some questions.

I have a candle for Keith which I keep lit since the last time you posted and were so lost.

I pray so much for you and him. You are such a beautiful couple and you love each other so unconditionally.

Please seek some help, if not from a counselor maybe from your family doctor who can give you something to take the edge off. You have to stay strong for him and let him know that you will be okay. The last thing you need is him to be so worried about you.

You know honey, we are always here for you, no matter what.

Mega prayers will be sent to you when I log off here.

You have done NOTHING wrong, in fact you are a very brave young lady, with more strength then you know.

Maryanne

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Carleen my heart is breaking for you and Keith and you are in my prayers.

What I am about to share is trival compared to what you are going through but I hope it helps in some way. Many times in life I too have felt that I shouldn't pray as I always seemed to get the opposite of what I was praying for, and yet there are times when I finally get my answer, not always like I wanted or when I wanted, but an answer. One such time was 2 years ago. I had been praying for years about my weight and it only went up. Finally the very day I said I give up I don't care anymore and wondered why God couldn't give me the strenght I needed, my husband came home and said the doctor recommended atkins. I laughed and said it would never work, but finally, after much protest, I gave in and tried, that was 100lbs ago. Geeze that was probably a stupid thing to share, but I just wanted to say never give up your hope in the Lord. I am the first to admit that He doesn't always give an answer and many times we are left confused and wondering where He is, but I if we just continue to trust He usually gives us a glimpse that He is there and does care.

I also have to agree with Ry about finding someone to talk to, you are going through so much and need to let it out.

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Carleen,

I am new to this site and I am so sorry. I have never been where you are but I pray that I have as much strength to get through my ordeal as you do. You might not believe it at this terrible time but you are so strong! I can't offer anything that could comfort you probably other than my sincerest hope that you are able to find peace with this terrible disease. I am so SORRY for this terrible day.

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Dear Carleen,

All I can tell you is that I'm thinking of you both and praying for you both. I know there are absolutely no words to make anything feel or seem better right now. I'm so sorry.

Love,

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Dear dear Carleen,

I wish I could fix it for you, but I can't.

All I can do is channel to you love and strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I agree with Ry and Rich that you could benefit from counseling: I don't believe it's selfish of you to do something to keep your head together at this point in time.

I grieve with you over the little ones.

That's a doubly hard thing to take right now.

But know I see that you and Keith have something so very very rare that you are blessed, in my mind, to have found it at all, for a day, or a week, or a month, or a year. Love like that is very very special gift.

So keep going one day at a time.

Know we're all here for you, and there isn't much we wouldn't do if we could.

Take the time please! to take care of your emotional well being. You have to be your own advocate here, although I'm sure anyone who loves you would want you to have any help you need.

You're special to us, Carleen.

One foot in front of the other.

Remember we love you.

XOXOXOX

MaryAnn

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Guest Frantastic

I think that you've already done one of the best things to cope: writing down your feeliings. And I can't think of a better place than here.

I'll repeat my Serenity Prayer an extra time for you.

F.

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Carleen,

I believe a few more trips with grocery carts and splashing through puddles while dancing in the rain (MY "childish" favorite - ask my husband!) will help some. Spring is here, a time for re-birth and renewal. I raise my glass to a better week for you next week with pretty, pretty toes-ies!

Be kind to yourself and snuggle that man.

Hugs to you,

Becky

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Carleen...

I lost my first daughter when I was 5 months along to something the doctors could only atribute to a "fluke"...your pain at losing the baby/babies I feel so deeply with you. I'm so sorry.

My heart breaks for you and Keith at the news you recieved yesterday...and I know that there is little anyone can say to "make you feel better". But, there was ONE thing in all the responses that stuck out to me and something I've kept in the back of my mind for the past 11 months with mom...Everyone is terminal. In the case of our family it's said, "No one gets out alive."

When I lost Lyric the priest gave us a blessing certificate (she was stillborn so she couldn't be baptized) and wrote at the bottom...Psalm 139 I've read and reread that Psalm. "I am fearfully, wonderfully made."

Prayers for you and Keith...that you find some peace in your time of storms.

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My dear Carleen....I have read your post with tears and a heart full of sorrow...

I know...I know what you must be going thru rigt now...but remember HIS words..."my child, my child...I have not forsaken you...when you saw only one set of footprints in the sand...it was then that I was carrying you"....

And HE is carrying you Carleen...please don't give up the faith....I know we are full of questions...and don't understand what is happening sometimes...but I believe and I will alway's believe that yes..HE does have a plan for us and someday we will find out...HE never said he would give us a sign...HE said just trust in HIM and I do...and I know deep down ...you do too...

The posts that I have read here are outstanding and full of love and hope...this group is undescribable..and I am glad I am part of it..please keep coming here for support...

Carleen and Keith...you are both in my prayers...and just praying for the Lord to touch and comfort you and show you that HE is there...HE is..HE is...and HE will see you thru this...HE is doing it right now...

I am so very sorry!!!!!!!

much love to the both of you

(((((Carleen and Keith)))))

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Carleen,

Just read your posts,

so sorry, so sorry.

Prayer for Inner Strength

I know somehow that time will heal this sorrow,

This bitter grief, and that the years will bring

Forgetfulness and peace, that some tomorrow

Will hold no memory of my suffering.

And I believe that there will be a blurring

Of the jagged edges of the wounds I bear,

And in my heart again will be the stirring

Of laughter that has long been absent here.

I know all this, yet still cannot remember;

I cannot see beyond this wall of tears.

Yet as the falling ashes cool an ember,

So will my heart find comfort through the years.

I know---but God, dear God, my need is great!

Give me the inner strength this day to wait.

(Grace Noll Crowell)

My prayers are with both.

Hugs

Jackie

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(((Carleen))))

I just want you to know that you are always in my thoughts. From the time I joined this group after my dad was diagnosed I was amazed at your strength and hope. That hope helped me throughout my dad's illness. I know that there is nothing I can do or say to help you, but just know that you make a difference to all of us here and you and Keith deserve something good. I'm so very sorry about your baby and Keith's health. Please, let me know if there is anything I can ever do for you...

love,

Cathy

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