lennonsgirl Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 I finally called a therapist. I had to leave a message but hopefully she will get back to me and I won't chicken out from going to a consultation appointment. I guess the push was me sitting here working on a paper for school and not feeling well and I just became overwhelmed with emotion. I was thinking about how Mom gave me the best hugs when I didn't feel good and how I won't have that anymore. And I thought about how all I want is to be with Mom again and if she would be mad if I did something to get myself to her faster. And then I didn't have to think anymore because I knew she would be so disappointed in me (that is if there is an afterlife which is something I am constantly struggling with now, too) if I did something stupid. The grief is just so overwhelming. I find it hard to get the energy to do anything, I am struggling to finish out this semester, I'm bad at returning phone calls to people. Everything feels like it is too much and I just can't deal with it. I just don't have the strength or energy. So I made the call. I am also going to call my regular doctor about switching the anti-depressant I'm on because it doesn't seem to be doing anything. I feel like such a wuss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowergirlie Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 You are not a wuss! I am here for you. It is hard to deal with, I am sure of it. It is good that you made the call. Please remember that I will talk to you, listen, hear what you feel and need to say, whatever you need...It will be OK. I struggle with the afterlife concepts too...I understand how hard it is to accept the loss...I am facing this too with the love of my life. Take a deep breath...think about the great memories with your mom and think about her hugging you and telling you it is going to be OK, one day at a time. Wishing you peace and comfort! Flowergirlie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna D Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 You are not a wus. Everyone deals with grief differently. It is good that you made the call, you've made the first step, now take the second. I am sure your Mom is there with you in your heart because you already know what she would think. My Mom passed over 3 years ago, and I miss her hugs still too. Like you, I felt that way at first too. Give yourself time to heal, go talk to the therapist and definitely call your doctor. There are a lot of wonderful people here to listen and be there for you. Let us know how things go. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 Your still in the very early stages of your grief. Allow yourself to grieve, it's normal to have the sadness come in wave, and it's very painful and at times it's very lonely. I know I felt all those feelings too when I lost my mom and my family. It honestly takes time. Let your feelings run there course. There going to anyway. Come here and talk and share your feelings. Talking really does help get us through the rough spots. We're here to listen and to offer support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 Not a wuss at all, just acceptance that you want to learn to live with all that life throws at you. I think it is a great move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 I second Lori. It is a great move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 You are still very early in your grieving. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Good move to seek outside help. I moved right into a grief group that helped me immensely. Blessings. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crystleshoe Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 you are soooo not a wuss! My Mom was stolen from me on the same day your mom was stolen from you. I have some days that I can barely function and the pain is so deep that I think I cant go on. Then I remember how much my mom loved me and always hated for me to be sad so I try to remember our good times. I think it is a great idea to talk to someone. I know that i feel better when I have the chance to talk about her and the disease. We all grieve in our own way so dont try to rush it. I am praying for you and wishing you well, We are here for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 One step in the right direction for you. Therapy is good when you feel you need it, not everybody can make that step it is very hard to admit that we can't do it alone. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 This is one of the most traumatic things we go through in our lives... a little help is not a sign of weakness. Therapy has been helpful for me since Mom passed. I hope every avenue you go down helps...I'm sure all here think you are doing the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 There are no wusses here! It's ok to grieve and to cry and to miss your Mom. But if you get real quiet and listen closely, I bet you can still hear your mother's voice telling you that "it will be alright" or what she would tell you to do. That's the part that never leaves us. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nhnikki Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 I just lost my Dad on 3/9 he was just 59 and I am 35. I can't believe he is gone. I was told to go to amazon and order a true story called 90 minutes in heaven by Don Piper. It has helped me and I only read the first 5 chapters. I hope you get a chance to read it. I feel your pain and know what you are going through, please try to be strong and take care of yourself. Nicole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KerryToo Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 My husband and I lost all 4 of our parents to LC in a 5 year period. My husband handles things differently than me, and he is okay. I have gone to a therapist about 5 or 6 times and I have to say it helped me immensely. I also was suffering from health anxiety over all of this LC and that, too, has been helped. I miss my parents and in-laws every day. But I don't let the loss of them make me an invalid for the time that I have left - to share with my husband and children. They never would've wanted this! Therapy can be a huge support during this time. I wish you well. Kerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teresag Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Admitting that things are not right, and seeking help for yourself are acts of courage! Everyone here knows that; do not let anyone say otherwise. I bet your Mom would be proud of you now. With wishes for better days soon, Teresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lennonsgirl Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 Well, I have met with my therapist twice now. She specializes in grief counseling which I had no idea about when I called her. She was close to my apt and campus so that's why I picked her! It's hard letting out all of these feelings about Mom. And I (like someone else said above) am freaking out that I have or am going to get lung cancer because Mom had it. I obsess over whether or not I was a good advocate for her or not, etc. The therapist says we're going to work on all of that to relieve some of the grief. She said grief is a good thing because it helps you deal with a traumatic event...I think she's right. I've just got to get to the point where I can let myself free to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 Bless your heart. I am so, so sorry about the devastation you are feeling. Your heart is just breaking into smaller and smaller pieces and I don't blame you for thinking it is so, so hard. Please know you have all of us here, who are just so worried about you. I am so, so proud of you for making the call. Sometimes this is the hardest thing to do, but it is certainly the most necessary. I have no words to console you, and certainly no advice. Please, PM me if you want to talk at all. I will give you my number. I don't ever, ever want you to feel alone. I believe your mom is trying to send you strength right now...thus the call to the therapist and doc. Take that strength. God bless, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crystleshoe Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 i am so glad to hear that things are slowly getting ok for you. i am so happy that you made that call and dont ever feel like you are alone in your pain because there are too many of us who understand. I dont think a day has gone by since Jan 13th that I have not cried for my mom. I miss her so much but I am looking forward to the day when I can remember the good stuff and not just her illness. Stay with us and let us help you and let us give you strenght when you have none. I am sure there are better days ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowergirlie Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I am so proud of you for going! I am also glad it is someone who specializes in grief, since that is so specific. I too made the call today. You will make it, we will all be here to help carry you whenever you need it. Thoughts of Comfort and Peace...Flowergirlie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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