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Am I Falling Apart?!


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Urgh!!!!! I just want to scream, and I have nowhere else to do it but here...sorry! :?

Dad goes on Monday for his full scans...of course we are worried...how can one not be...Geri...I need you to tell me to get off my butt and quit worrying because it isn't going to make any difference anyway!!!

I know it is the underlying worry that is affecting everything else, but still...I teach at the college, so I am home with the kids every day. My daughter is driving me bonkers, and I feel so guilty. I have really only been away from her one day since the beginning of May, and that was when I went shopping for school supplies/clothes. But other than that, we are together, ALOT!

My son has been acting out too, more because I think he wants attention than anything, and I am feeling like I am just going crazy...then the gnawing in my chest about dad, and that for goodness sakes, I should NOT be worried about how I am going crazy when Dad has this battle he is fighting.

OK...sorry...I had to vent. I said something like, "I don't know, I'm just not the best at this this 'mothering' gig," and my husband blew up at me...so my vent places feel pretty limited..mom is my best friend, and I don't need her to know this now.

Blessings to you all. I pray every day for this cancer crap to just explode and be over! Yuck :twisted:



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Okay, consider this your kick in the butt!

We've been through this before, you and I, and did your worrying make any difference? NOPE, it'll just give you wrinkles and grey hair and make your stomach sour :lol::lol::lol:

Here's an idea........maybe Mom and Dad would like to spend the day with the kids and you could spend the day at home (or anywhere else) alone or with a friend. :wink::wink:

BUT, most of all remember that your getting all squirelly about the scan will not change what it shows, it is what it is and unfortunately all the worry in the world will not change it.

The lecture is over for the time being, so anytime you need a refresher course let me know.....it'll be my pleasure :lol:


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Yep, I understand those feelings. I have been doing home daycare since I had my second child. I love being home with them and that is what I wanted but sometimes I wonder what I have gotten myself into! I don't have any adults to talk to or cry to during the day. When scan time comes around and I am sooo worried about everything I am much more cranky and snap more at the kids. The noise level alone in my house is enough to make me crazy sometimes! On the other hand the kids can be a great distraction from my normal everyday fears. Kids are so innocent and they just want to have fun and play. Sometimes I wish I could just play too and sometimes I do just that!

Geri is right, worrying won't change anything. As hard as it is not to worry, we have to try to not let it take over our lives.

Praying for good scans for your Dad! Take care.

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don't give that evil cancer :twisted::evil::twisted: one more precious second of your day worryinng about what MIGHT happen with the scans.

You shared your worries, you vented, you acknowledged them, now put them in a room in your brain and close the door.

It is what it is what it is.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, my 21 year old was only 7. For 3 days I could not function, and on the fourth day he had a big tantrum on the sidewalk about something. I remember thinking, "Even if I'm dying :roll: I still need to be his mother" and I sucked it up and took control.

But my real recommendation for you, right now is:

:lol: A FACIAL :lol:

no kidding--treat yourself


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I could just add my name to the bottom of your post. I do reading support at an elementary school and I am home with my kids during the summer.

My mom also has scans on Monday and already I can't sleep.

I find myself wanting school to start, not wanting to do much.

I am going to give the advise that I to must follow. Worrying will get you nowhere! FInd some time for just you to relax!

Most important, put all that worry into Gods hands. Pray and have faith, believe!

Prayers to you,


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Ican understasnd what you are feeling, you are not alone. It is HARD to be by yourself with the kids all the time and then the fear over our loved ones health can be overwhelming. I was a mess last week over scans. Our hubbies are great, but th ey just dont get it all the time.

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I wish I could give everyone a big hug!! Well, I will -- ((((HUG)))).

I understand, as I was a stay at home Mom when my Mother was fighting her cancer for 2 1/2 years. But I also knew that my own family was my first priority and my Mom was in good hands with my Dad's care. It did become more difficult after my Mom died and my Dad became ill. Now I'm on the opposite side of the equation and insist that my adult kid's live their lives as normally as possible. That is what my husband and I desire. Yes, they do worry about everything that all kids worry about and I know they have their own people to vent their feelings. They do spare us the agony of seeing their pain for the most part as they know our plates are full enough. Still, they have their own needs and dramas going on in their lives and sometimes it is hard for me to juggle it all. I'm lucky that out of the three, two are men and well, men just don't express things out in the open that much. My daughter does okay with Tony's illness because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in her case! (She does insist on being the "first phone call" after scan reports come in.) None of them have children though, so it is an easier lifestyle to be able to cope with an ill parent.

A wise friend once told me that if you were in a room full of people who threw all of their problems into a pile the middle of the room, you would more then likely go into that pile and pick up your own troubles again as there is always others with many more problems then you have. At least we are familiar with our own troubles!

Best of luck to all of you -- don't let worry eat you up alive. (Easier said than done, I know!)


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I was feeling just like this the other day, and you are not a BAD mom. You are a great mom, and you are normal and have feelings and no mom is perfect. We all have reactions to certain things at different times during our lives and sometimes life is just more difficult.

I am trying to do the one day at a time thing and to live for the moment, instead of getting ahead of myself now. Try that. And, go out with some friends to have girl talk one night. I am sure your husband would be supportive for you to get some down time! Prayers go out to you for your family and Dad!

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I have 2 kids-9 and 5. I have been a stay @ home Mom since the day my son was born. I quit the day my maternity leave was up. My daughter is now starting Kindergarten and it's definitely bittersweet. It's definitely something all Mom's feel-if you are working-they have that guilt, we stay @ home Mom's have other guilt...all we can do in this lifetime is do our best. I decided last year when Mom was DX that I could not worry every single day that she was going to die or I would end up having a heart attack from the stress it was causing me. We all know what it's like waiting for those damn results and it's the worse feeling. We also know like Geri said we don't have one ounce of control over them. I said it earlier this week in another post that I like living this way now-not worrying about tomorrow until it gets here and there is something to worry about. Anyhow-you are a great Mom I'm sure and hopefully your Dad's results will come back fine and that will give you time to exhale for awhile.

Take Care


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ztweb:Best wishes for some peace and quiet time before Monday.

I'm new to this but I too feel as tho my skin was on inside out so all the nerves are on the outside. I wish I could say I understand but not yet - I can only imagine waiting for the results.

Glad Geri can help you get back on track :wink:


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Looks like you need a Jen break. Being constantly with the kids and worrying about your dad is doing you in.

Drop off the kids somewhere, mom & dads, a friend a sibling, or just get a sitter or let you husband have them for the day. Go to a spa, or just get your hair, or nails and pedacure. Something that will make you feel normal and pampered for a little while.

That expression it is what it is, is true. But we can't help getting that anxiety feelings when the scan times come near. But then again, it is what it is.

I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and really hope you get some Jen time before school starts.

Geri, you are so funny :D.

Take care Jen, you can vent anytime.

Maryanne :wink:

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