Guest cameron8210 Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 My mother is 81 years old and has had other health problems before this: broken right hip, hysterectomy (for cancer of the uterine lining ten years ago), partial blockage of left carotid artery, and some TIA's which have caused short term memory problems etc. Also, she was a registered nurse forty years ago so her memories of cancer patients (and treatments) are mainly horror stories which (hopefully) are out of date. Having said all that, she is very tough and not scared of treatment or hospitals but doesn't want to spend her remaiing time on earth in hospitals or going through treatment. Anyway, I was looking for some help from other caregivers (my Dad is 86, so I will be the main caregiver) about how to deal with her biggest fear which is not dying but rather going through agony before dying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Sorry your mom has to go through this. And you as well. I fall on the side of supporting the patient's wishes, no matter how hard that might be. I think the patient is the one who knows best about their bodies and what they want to go through or not go through. We, as caregivers, can offer all the information and advice we can muster, but the patient has the final say. What is really best for the patient? Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Cameron, Your Mom must be very resilient to have bounced back from such a list of challenges. We should all be so tough!! What is her cancer diagnosis? What are the treatment suggestions, thus far? Mercifully, the experience of treatment today is much improved even over 10 years ago, or even 5...many people complete chemo now without a hint of nausea or other major discomfort. Pain Management is a relatively new medical specialty...some of the best Docs are board-certified in both Neurology & Anesthesiology. In most cases. pain can be effectively addressed and controlled. A cognitively-capable person can be in control of their own pain medicine delivery system in many cases. Thank you for asking your caring Qs here. Please do keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Well she sounds like she knows what she wants to do. Chemo is hard enough on a much younger person, I think I'd listen to what she's saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 What a good person to be so responsive to your mother's wishes! It sounds as if she has survived a lot all ready and knows her own mind. Chapter 20 of Claudia Henschke's book Lung Cancer: Myths, Facts, Choices--and Hope (2002) offers many suggestions for facing the end including headings such as the following: "Making Dreams Come True", "Saying Goodbye", "Planning a Funeral or Memorial Service", "A Gentle Death", "Hospice Support", "The Option of Terminal Sedation", "Resources on Dying", etc. You can probably find a copy at your local library...that is where a friend found it and recommended it to me. Perhaps some of this information would be helpful. Prayers going up that your mom's and God's will be done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hopefully your mom will not experience any side effects from not taking treatments. My mom never had any treatments for lung cancer and that was 31 yrs ago. Of course she did have the upper lobe removed on the left side of the lung but it spread to the brain about 6 months later. I give your mom credit for at 81 I to would do as she is. God Bless. Give your mom a big hug from me....she has guts.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cameron8210 Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 Thanks to everyone for such compassionate responses. I was meaning to fill you in on my mother's diagnosis, but the only stage we reached was a spot on her right lung with a possible malignancy. More information would become available with a CT scan. Unfortunately, we never got to that stage since shortly after my first post, my mother woke up one morning, very confused and disoriented. I took her to emergency in Vancouver (St. Pauls Hospital where the treatment was excellent). She was treated with antibiotics, a series of tests were done (including CT scans) but her condition rapidly deteriorated and she died on Christmas Eve. My Dad and I were both with her, she never regained consciousness after that first morning in emergency. The people at the hospital provided a palliative room for her as well as an adjoining room with a sofabed where my Dad could sleep. I can't say enough good things about the hospital staff at St. Paul's, they provided not just excellent medical care, they were also compassionate and provided counselling as well. The reason I emphasize this is because, as a Canadian, I have heard so many negative reports about our universal health care system. Some complaints may be justified, but I have never had any in Vancouver and certainly have none about this experience. Every person in the world, including uninsured in the U.S., should have the kind of universal health care we have in Canada. Despite the sadness of the last three days, it was so nice to be spared the added trauma of dealing with insurance companies or whatever stress many of you probably have to deal with in the U.S. Anyway, I don't want to sound like a politician, I just hope that each and every one of you or your loved one who is ill will find similar compassionate treatment. Thanks again for all your responses, I will keep each and every one of you in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David A Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 Cameron, Please accept my heart felt condolences in the loss of your mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbernard Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 I'm so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom in September. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MO_Sugar Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 Cameron, I am so sorry to hear about your Mother. God Bless, MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 Cameron- I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother but relieved that she was so well cared for at the end and that she didn't suffer for a long period of time as per her wishes. May God's blessings and grace be with her, her husband, you, and extended family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cameron8210 Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Thanks to all of you so, so much. I really appreciate your kindness. And to dbernard, I'm very sorry to hear of your loss with your own mother in September. I guess that as old as we all become, we are still our mother's little girls and it's very hard to lose someone we love so much and who loved us so much in return. I am so grateful to have been with her at the end, to hold her hand and stroke her forehead just as she used to do for me so many years ago. And her sense of humour is still hovering, since I find myself reminding my Dad to eat his dinner and take his nap just as she used to do! The nut didn't fall too far from the tree in our family. My love and thanks to you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 I am so sorry to read this about your precious mother. I am thankful she got the care she needed and that your family needed at this horrible time. Come back to the board when you need to. I know since my husband died, this has been my life line. The people here are the best!!! We all need a place to go when there is no other place to vent and cry and laugh and remember those we have lost to this awful nightmare. Those here do understand as they are walking the walk and taking the journey that we have in common. I am so sorry. Much love, Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know she is in a better place now. I hope your father can come to terms with this for I know he will be extremely lonely. May God bless you and your father.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Cameron, I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. I send my condolences to you and your father. You are in my prayers. Please stay in touch with the board and let us know how you are doing. If you need some moral support, this is a good place to visit... Peace and God Bless Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Cameron, I am so sorry. It does get easier, but my Mother died in 1968 and I still talk to her. (Mainly from the padded cell, just kidding). But you are right, your mother's love is totally unconditional. Miss her with a smile on your face. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Oh Cameron, I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynne Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Cameron, I am so grateful that you were able to be with your mother in her last prescious moments, grateful that she did not suffer long...and grateful that she got her last wish. I am sorry that she has left you and your dad ....I know that you both will miss her terribly. My sympathy and prayers be with you both as you struggle to get through the difficult days, weeks and months ahead. Lynne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Cameron, My sympathies for the loss of your mom. Whatever it was, it was fast, and you seem to have had excellent care. That itself is a blessing. My prayers are with you and your dad. XOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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