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"No holds barred" forum suggestion from Caregivers


kimblanchard

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There is a thread in the Caregivers forum called Rat, Poison Ivy and Verdict that has suggested a forum be created here where people can say or ask things that may not be politically correct - I wanted to share the suggestion here in case some people did not see the other thread.

I know personally there are things I would like to say or ask but do not feel free to share here as I don't want to discourage or anger others.

Anyway, whatever, I love this site just as it is, but would be in favor of a place where I could ask hard things.

Margaret in Iowa

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Margaret

Maybe Katie and Rick and/or the board can comment on this suggestion. I also know that if you think that anything you have to "say" can go in the road less travelled, Dean once wrote to me to say I could write what I wanted. You might check with him.

SOme things just don't seem to fit anywhere and may like the other thread suggested, might be upsetting to some. I never know what to do so sometimes I post and sometimes I bite my fingers instead of my tongue lol.

Elaine

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It has always been the intention that whatever someone wanted to "say"- post, as long as not derrogatory --specifically directed at someone else-- CAN be posted in the correct forum.

Now, you are never going to make everyone happy with what you say and no you do not need to be politically correct...there are too many people here to not step on someones toes.. :wink:

I have a problem creating a forum that could potentially turn into a bashing area and work to divide this board.

For instance- people taking sides, debates or arguements, a persons importance-

Like caregivers vs. patients

smokers vs. non-smokers

spouses vs. children

How awful would that be?

The outside world works to divide us everyday. You come here to be TOGETHER with others walking this same path. That's what makes us different, that is what makes us work, and those are my two cents.

As always, your suggestions are considered carefully by the LCSC board of directors and any changes will occur after thorough discussion, meeting and vote.

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Guest bean_si (Not Active)

My god, please keep such topics in Caregivers. Please don't add more pain to the people who have cancer, especially those who are fighting alone without support of any kind. Please. I know it's hard for caregivers but we count too.

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Thank you, Katie. If there were a "no holds barred" place for the caregivers then there would have to be one for those of us who have Lung Cancer. And I can assure everyone there are some pretty tough things WE would like to question/comment upon.

I hope that we are all able to focus on that which has brought us together instead of that which divides us.

I always thought of this as someplace where we COULD ask the hard questions, and receive advice and information from people who have real world experience to share that would make the journey easier on one another. It can't be all doom and gloom, but it can't be all sunshine and light, either. As DeanCarl and Snowflake are both fond of saying "...got to keep things in balance...".

Just between the 1,111 of us I'm going through a rough patch right now. And I personally need us NOT to be divided. I guess I'm being totally selfcentered at the moment.

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I agree with Katie and do not think a separate forum for venting or no-holds-barred is a good idea. I think it is just asking for trouble as undoubtedly people will be offended or upset with what they read on it. I do not think it is too much for the members to think of the feelings of the others who could be reading their posts, and not just think of themselves and what they need. After all, we live in a world where it is only human to consider others feelings, and this message board should be no different. Anyway, I think everyone is very respectful and caring of people's feelings and it only the occasional niggle that occurs and which can hopefully be easily sorted out. Can't please everyone, all the time, no matter how hard you try. But we still should keep trying. I am certain that all of us have at one time or another upset someone or offended someone, and this is unavoidable but I believe it will only escalate if there is a separate forum for such a thing. Maybe this message board is not the right avenue for these no holds barred topics and either PMing someone or discussing it with someone else is a better idea.

These are just my thoughts anyway.

Jana

x

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Thank you, Katie, for not splitting the board. In the words of the Red Green Show "We're all in this together".

One thing I DO try to do with posts that may be offensive in the Just for Laughs forum is put a rating in the title. If "mature" jokes offend some, they can avoid by title that way and not even have to open the post...

...and just for anyone out there who may have been upset with me or a post/opinion of mine, please PM me. Believe it or not, I understand there are THREE sides to every argument - Party A, Party B, and what really happened... :wink: I would like to be aware of any toe-stepping I have done so I can apologize and NOT make the same faux pas again.

Becky

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Everyone who reads this...stop...and say a prayer for Fay A. who is "going thru a rough patch"

and then say a prayer for yourself as we are all saying them for you too.

Love,

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Good job Katie,Well said and well handled.I think most of us can handle the hard questions but they still should go to a board that wouldn't offend those that feel they couldn't handle.

Fay A. It's a georgeous day here in Pa.No rough patches allowed.please get your chin up.

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Fay - you have every right to be self centered whenever you feel the need. especially if you're going through a rough patch. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Katie - I think you're right. It was a good suggestion, though, because it made some of us think a little.

Love this board - it is fair and balanced!

Karen C.

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I am not sure how the request got interpreted as a somehow splitting the board or that people wanted to say bad things about other members??? I thnk it had to do with wanting a place to ask hard questions or to post possibly upsetting thoughts--(in reality, the board is already divided into sections--right?) I think it was just a request for another section. But I do agree that we have places to ask the hard questions if we want to ask them or to say what is in our deepest thoughts if we want to do it. I guess we can just make sure the titles of our posts are descriptive enough to ensure that people know what they are "getting into" when they open them.

Love you all

Elaine

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Country/Katie/Fay,

Thank you Katie. I stopped and special prayer was said for Fay. Will continue with special prayer Fay, until you post that you are doing better and your tests and scans are good. I truly care and want only the best for you. We cannot be divided on this forum. We have come too far to loose the closeness of this support group. We all care too much for one another and no ones feelings want to be compromised or hurt by an unintensional (sp?) comment or opinion. God Bless us all...

Blessings, prayers and hugs,

Karen

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am not sure how the request got interpreted as a somehow splitting the board or that people wanted to say bad things about other members??? I thnk it had to do with wanting a place to ask hard questions or to post possibly upsetting thoughts--(in reality, the board is already divided into sections--right?) I think it was just a request for another section. But I do agree that we have places to ask the hard questions if we want to ask them or to say what is in our deepest thoughts if we want to do it. I guess we can just make sure the titles of our posts are descriptive enough to ensure that people know what they are "getting into" when they open them.

Love you all

Elaine

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Special thanks to those who actually gave me suggestions of how to ask for the help I need. Some will be posted with a warning label, some will have to rest within me or perhaps with a trusted friend. I never wanted to hurt anyone, that is why I asked if there was a place I could ask things like that. That's about enough discussion of this for me, I wish I could erase the whole thing. Peace upon you all.

Margaret

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Guest bean_si (Not Active)

I think there are times in our fight with cancer, that we feel more vulnerable and tense. I know I do. Sometimes when the news isn't good I feel almost as though I am breaking into pieces. I guess during those times, it's more easy to take offense or to misinterpret. I didn't mean to rant yesterday but I really believe that some "hard" topics need to be discussed off line or with a confidant or headed with a warning label. No offense meant to you Margaret. I realize you certainly didn't intend to be hurtful.

Cat

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Guest Phyllis

Fay, I am sorry you are going through a bad time. I will say a prayer for you. I don't think another forum is necessary. It does not hurt people to be sensitive to others in their comments. Usually, if I know a particular person posts hard facts that I don't feel like dealing with I avoid the posts. A lot of us are on the edge at different times and it helps to read a lot of positive things. Patients have issues sometimes with our caregivers also despite the fact that we love them. I am sure caregivers get really upset with us too. None of this is easy.

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Look, I need you folks. ALL of you. And I use to "belong" to another site. It got to the point where the caregivers and the lung cancer survivors were divided...and I contributed to the division. The end result was that a large proportion of those with lung cancer stopped posting-not all of them, but a large percentage only came forward when they had something to say to someone else who was diagnosed with the disease. It ended up being a site where more value was assigned to the needs of those who were caregivers. I AM being totally selfcentered this time. I don't want to be pushed aside again. It hurt very much the last time it happened. And I'm not as strong as I was then, physically or emotionally. This is a hard road to travel no matter where you stand: the one who has Lung Cancer, a bonefide caregiver, a distant friend or family member, the Medical Providers, the husbands, wives, children, Mothers, Fathers, etc....but there are degrees of difficulty.

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We all get offended and hurt at times. And with our emotions right now, it gets worse. How about if anyone posts something offensive and does not realize it, a PM to that person explaining how you feel. If the writer agrees that what they wrote was not inadvertantly not appropriate, that person PMs Katie to take it down.

I honestly to the bottom of my heart never realized I was saying something offensive. If I knew, I would want to delete it. So perhaps that would be a good solution

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I don't think the intent of the new section was to divide at all. There are some things we all want to know that asking might upset some other patients. Heck, the truth is hard to take sometimes. Life and death are not topics that are pleasant but that is what we are dealing with here. Questions like: "is this the time to quit fighting and start getting ready for death?", or "my caregiver is driving me nuts etc etc.."

I am healthy now but know that it is not out of the picture that I might be asking some hard questions in the future. (for the record my caregivers are great folks and are not driving me crazy, at least for the moment) I think Becky has the right idea. Just post it here and make sure your "topic" is clear enough that those that don't want to handle or think about it will not have to be surprised if the read it. Just my two cents worth.

This board has been a godsend for me. I appreciate, more than words can say, what Katie and Rick have done here to let us get together and share our experiences and lives. I pray for all of us each day and will continue to do so.

Nina

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Guest bean_si (Not Active)

It's good that you are able to read some of the "hard" posts. It's good that you are healthy now. I'm not and I know that I can't take "hard" posts at this time. This is the place I come where I feel people understand and care, where I feel I won't be hurt. I don't want this taken away. Sometimes, it's all I've got. In all honesty, even if you put a warning label on topics, that too can be upsetting. Okay, I am very fragile right now but I suspect there are others who feel similarly. I don't even go to the Caregivers forum. I'm glad that is a separate topic. I don't need to know right now how horribly some one's loved one died. I don't need to know at this time what horrors lie ahead for me.

This is just my personal opinion (as I'm waiting on my second brain scan results and debating PCI). It's not meant to offend anyone.

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First and foremost, I am praying for Fay A. and all the others that are traveling the path of lung cancer. God, how it is something I never wanted to endure and I am always praying for those that have to. The top priority is supporting those who are battling lung cancer, those who have loved ones battling lung cancer and those who have lost loved ones to lung cancer.

With that said, I wasn't going to reply but felt the need. This whole topic makes me sad. When I joined this message board over a year ago, I posted in different forums...I included how I was so scared at the grim statistics, I posted about how I was scared of the unknowns that lie ahead, I posted on how bad my mom was doing (in different forums) I posted about dreary topics...but everyone picked me back up. They offered me hope and encouragement. Now I see people replying "attacking" those that post these kinds of things. I know I am the most vulnerable I have ever been in my life and to receive criticism from anyone right now would not help me in the least. I am sad to sit and wonder if this is the place for me to come anymore. It has been my saving grace. But now I don't want to sit and hold in all my feelings for fear of setting someone else off. I have lived my life to please others and this is one time in my life where I have to put myself first. I am sorry for rambling, but this just really makes me sad. I truly hate to think I can't come here for the support I need.

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Guest bean_si (Not Active)

I think this decision is best left in the hands of Kate and Rick who have done an extradordinary job in creating this community and bringing us all together. They might decide to drop or delete this particular topic as we are straying from our usual way and some people are becoming irritated, feeling they are being attacked, others misunderstand or feel misunderstood. We are going off in all directions. I'm not even sure if what consitutes "hard posts" has been defined. In my humble opinion, is not lending itself to the good of the community. Perhaps it's time to squash this topic.

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