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Update on My Brother Alan


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Hi all,

I am home for a few days until I return to Maine on Thursday morning. When I got to Maine my Brother was in the hospital and recovering from surgery to put a drain in to remove the fluid from around his heart. I found him weak but in good spirits. Some of my family from North Carolina were there already and others showed up as the days went on. I got there on Tuesday and he had been hospitalized for 4 days at that point. He was released on Thursday to come home. I dont believe he would have gone home that day if it had not been for my Brother telling the DR's he really wanted to get out of there as his whole family was up for a reunion( which is what he thought it was).

It was wonderful to see him out of that hospital bed and home but he was really weak and he didnt look real well. As the days went on, his color came back and he looked sooooooooooo good :D

The first day he was home he joined the family for a whole day of "being Happy". He left around 5PM with his wife to go home as he said he was tired and rightly so! Several of us went out for ice cream a while later and when we returned the few that didnt go said my Brothers step Daughter had called and that we needed to come over as Alan and his wife had been fighting from the time they had gotten home. My Brother Gary and I left to go to Alan's.

If you all remember he was going to leave his wife and come and live with my family about a month ago but she asked him for another chance which he decided to give her.

When we left his house that night he said he couldnt live there as there was just to much stress. We, as a family were very happy to hear that as we knew there was, and also knew how bad it was for his condition. He came back to my Brother Gary's and joined the rest of the family again. He was very wound up.

He was adament on staying with Gary's family only a short time and then getting himself a place of his own. My Mother was in tears as was I and many of the others. We just could not convince him that he could not live alone. This went on for days and he called about an apartment to go and see and asked me if I would take him there to see it. With him not knowing how very ill he was and what the Dr's had told us we were trying all the time to talk with him, but found it hard as the FACTS were not all out there. It was tearing us all apart.

One day My Mom, Brother, Sister, my Brother Alan and I were talking around the kitchen table and we got into this discussion again and We told him to call his DR and ask his DR if he should live alone. I also asked him if he knew that he had cancer around his heart now and he did not. He was under the assumption that this heart thing was totally unrelated to his cancer. BUT, It did not seem to phase him he still wanted his independance and felt we were all ganging up on him. We told him we wanted him to have his independance too but that it was not safe. I also asked him if he knew what his prognosis was and he said No. I told him that we all did and asked him if he wanted to know. He said he did. I told him to ask his DR when he called him about being able to live alone.

He immediatly got out the phone book and called his DR at home. His DR had given him permission at any time to do that. His DR answered and Alan talked with him. His Dr told him he shouild absoulutly not live alone and that he should not drive again. His Dr and He are very close as his DR saw Alan through giving up a 30 year alcohol addiction. It was very hard for his Dr to tell Alan when he asked but Alan said he wanted him to be honest with him. His DR told him they( oncologist, surgeon and himself) did not think Alan would make 6 months from his time of dx which was mid January.

Alan thanked his DR for his honesty and told him he would see him next week. The change that happened at that point was like a miracle. Alan was calm, brave, and accepting what his DR had told him and apoligised to us for thinking we were ganging up on him and told us he knew now why we were trying to protect him.

The rest of the time I was there and the family was all there Alan was like a changed person. He enjoyed the company of his family and appeared to be in good spirits inspite of his dreams all being taken away by this BEAST!!

At present, He looks great, his attitude is good and he has completly moved in with my Brother Gary's family. I am sure this is not his choice of where he wants to live however he has Dr's that he trusts and wants to stay with them.

My Mother did not go back to NC, but has stayed and is here with me in NH now. We are leaving to go back to maine on Thursday to take Alan to his oncologist appointment, see his family DR and hopefully he will be well enough to have his chemo treatment the following Tuesday and be ok to come to NH to stay with us for a few days. God has placed his loving hands on Alan and had him make the right decisions, get the right answers and accept them in a way that has made us all so proud.

I pray for you all every day and I thank you for the prayers and acts of kindness you have bestowed on my family and Alan.

God Bless you,


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Thanks for the thorough update, Jane, and thanks for the PM. You are a very brave and loving sister and Alan is so lucky to have you around. Tell Alan and your mom and everyone that we are all thinking about them and praying for all of them. I am thrilled to hear that Alan is feeling well right now and looking good, too. That is very encouraging. Keep up posted, Jane.



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Thanks for the update.I am glad that your brother has had a change in attitude.I hope he is able to keep it that way.That is hard to do but with your help and that of the rest of the family I think he will.I really don't like it when a doctor tells me 3 or 6 or 9 months but in Alan's case it seems that it really may have made him to come around as far as how serious this is.I guess sometimes that is needed.I just hope he doesn't spend too much time thinking of that.Counting days is not the thing to do.Be determined to beat them if nothing else.Praying for us all.TBone

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Thanks for keeping us all posted. It seems that Alan is a very brave young man and you should be very proud of him. He has made some tough decisions lately and dealing with this thing is one of the worst. He seems to have accepted the news but don't be surprised if he reacts stonger later on. He will be up and down and about all you can do is help him like you are doing now. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep up the good work and know we are here for you.


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Glad the "reunion" happened and it gave your brother the parachute he needed to get out of a worse situation (his wife). Sounds like you may have some quality time with him in your home, maybe he'll decide to stay for a bit longer and use it as the "balm" to soothe his soul...

Take care, tie a knot at the end of your rope and hang on!


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Thank you for letting us know how Alan is doing. When I look at the picture of you two, it brings a smile to my face. I can see the love that the two of you have for one another. That is truly priceless. Alan and your family are in my prayers each day! Miracles do happen, all we have to do is put it in God's hands and believe... Keep the faith.

Blessings and hugs,


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Jane - I've been thinking about you, Alan and your family, so was very glad to read your post. Part of this is heartbreaking and makes me want to cry, but part of it is joyful and happiness, because it sounds like Alan has made peace with his diagnoses, his situation, himself as a whole person. No matter what happens to him, I think he has found some very important inner strength and I would bet money he's found some really strong Faith as well.

I think your family did the right thing, by asking him to call his doctor to get the truth. He needed to know it, and having someone objective that he respects like his doctor tell him was the perfect approach. Alan must be quite a man, because it takes alot of courage to apologize and thank family for trying to protect him.

It's so wonderful your family has this time together right now, even if the reason is not a happy one. You will cherish this time for the rest of your life.

God Bless and prayers for you,

Karen c.

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Hi Jane,

So glad to see your posting; you and Alan have been in my thoughts a lot lately.

Such a wonderful family your brother is blessed with; seems as though you have handled all these terrible situations as well (or better) than anyone could.

I am so glad your brother is at home with family; and hope he is well enough to come stay with you for a while.

Bless you all.....keep us posted.....Mary :)

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