Shelleym Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hi all. My mother was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer last week and I am truly in need of support! Her oncologist wants to start her on chemotherapy right away, but she wants to do it on an outpatient basis. The chemo schedule is 3x/week every 3 weeks over 18 weeks total. She lives by herself, but I don't know how much longer she will be able to do that. Oh, and she lives in another state with no relatives nearby. HELP! I want to help my mom, but at this point I just don't know what to do. She is 69, has smoked more than 50 years (but quit during her hospital stay, thank goodness), and her only insurance is Medicare. Today her case worker notified me that she is ineligible for Medicaid, so now I don't know what we're going to do about her treatment and living arrangements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HerSon Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Welcome to a place where you can get help and support from a lot of great people! It would probably be very tough for her to go through this alone, so see if you can figure a way to get her near you in this time of difficulty. Prayers for both of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Shelly, I am so sorry about your Mother. Does she have good friends in the area? If so, could you talk to them about helping her with dr. appts., shopping etc. I have found that people want to help. Are you an only child? If not, can your siblings and you all pitch in to help. I think it would be hard for your Mother to travel this journey alone and unassisted. We are here to support you and answer your questions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Shelly, Im so sorry to hear about your Mom. It stinks that she has noone closer nearby for support. If I were you I would call and call and call.... This is a very very bumpy road with MANY ups and downs and she will need you. Welcome to the board, and if you have any questions, or need anything... feel free to post it up! We will all be here for you. I look forward to seeing your posts. Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Shelly, Where is your mother located? Is it possible for you to be with her while the groundwork is laid for her treatment? If she is away from family, has she had time to make friends? Try contacting the American Cancer Society in her area to get some answers on possibilities (AND that Medicaid question, I'd continue to persue that...) Welcome to the family, sorry you have reason to be here. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GBBailey Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hi Shelley, I am truly sorry to her of your mom's diagnoses and her ineligibility for Medicare. Although I don't now the reason that she has been turned down, I do know that there is help out there. I would go to the patient advocate in the hospital, all hospitals have one. This person should know in which direction to point you. Also you might try the Chaplin's Office, many churches have groups and resources to help. Also try your County Social Services Dept., they should have emergency funds that she might be able to draw on, and they will also help reapply for Medicare to reopen your mom's case and possibly get the help she needs. The big thing is not to get upset (easy to say I know) but there is help out there the trick is to find it, at a time like this, no one should have to worry about such things, but the government and healthcare providers don't often have an open heart or ear to the needs of someone this desperately sick. My prayers are with you both at this time of need, may you find someone able to help, and may your fears and troubles all be washed away. I hope this has helped, and if I can be of assistance in any way please let me know. In Christ Jesus, Greg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy B Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hi Shelley, Sorry to hear about your Mom but you have come to the right place for support and information. I just finished my 2nd cycle of chemo for sclc and I am doing it on an outpatient basis. I drive myself to and from chemo appointments. I just need to lay low for acouple of days after. Please feel free to pm me if you have any other questions, sounds like your Mom is on the same chemo schedule as mine. I am in So CA also. Hugs, Nancy B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hi Shelley Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to. We're happy that you found us. It is extremely difficult to go through this without a good advocate to help you through, also to make sure you have good food/water and that you take care of yourself while on chemo. I hope your mother can get the assistance she needs. I drove myself to radiation, but not to chemo. I pray you can get the finances sorted out, no one should have that hanging over their heads at a time like this. I hope you find the help you need. XOXOXOXOX Prayers always, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelleym Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 Thank you all for your kind welcome! To answer some questions, I am, indeed, an only child. My mom moved out of state 32 years ago, so she does have many friends up there -- she just hates to ask anyone for help. (I don't -- next time I go see her I'm looking for her address book and I'm going to start callling people, because I know she won't.) Thankfully, she does have one very good friend who has been very helpful to her lately, and for that I am very grateful. I simply cannot be there all the time, as I have a family and a job here in Southern California. (Nancy B, we're almost neighbors! I live in San Gabriel and work in Pasadena.) Every time I suggest to my mom that perhaps she should relocate down here so that I can be more involved in her care, she freaks out. As for Medicare, it's my understanding that Medicaid will only pay for her 'premium' to upgrade her Medicare from part A to part B. It's better than nothing, but I still find it unbelievable that someone whose income is limited to Social Security somehow 'earns' too much to qualify for Medicaid! My biggest frustration right now is making sure that she arranges for her treatment. She is focusing on relocating from an upstairs to a downstairs apartment, but it is imperative that she start chemo right away -- at least that's what I've been told about sclc. Anyway, thank you all. I've got lots of reading to do here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Shelly Welcome. I know you would rather not be here, but since you have need, I think you will find much support and many answers here. As far as Medicaid goes. They don't jsut look at income but they look at assets, make and model of car, money in bank, equity in property, 401k and other retirement plans, even your life insurance policies. Soooo you basically have to have nothing or be drawn down to nothing to quailify. Glad your mom has friends nearby. Keep in close contact, (I know you will) and if you can take some time off with the Federal Family Leave Act, try to be with her when you can. By law you have to be given time off, without pay, for up to three months in any one year. The time can be taken days or hours at a time. love, strength and fortitude to you and your mom elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Shelly Welcome. I know you would rather not be here, but since you have need, I think you will find much support and many answers here. As far as Medicaid goes. They don't jsut look at income but they look at assets, make and model of car, money in bank, equity in property, 401k and other retirement plans, even your life insurance policies. Soooo you basically have to have nothing or be drawn down to nothing to quailify. Glad your mom has friends nearby. Keep in close contact, (I know you will) and if you can take some time off with the Federal Family Leave Act, try to be with her when you can. By law you have to be given time off, without pay, for up to three months in any one year. The time can be taken days or hours at a time. love, strength and fortitude to you and your mom elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brm1949 Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Sorry that you had to find us but you will find that we have a lot of info and support here. I can't address your problem but I am sure you will find someone in a similiar situation here with answers. Please keep us updated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelleym Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 That's what I don't get about the Medicaid -- my mom has no assets. She rents an apartment, doesn't own a car, no 401(k)/retirement -- nada. All that's in her bank account is about enough to pay rent and some other bills, and that's it. As for FMLA, well, I'm self-employed. I work on contract and I'm paid for the hours I work; I can take as much time off as I want, but then I won't have any money! Thanks for your kind thoughts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Shelly you say your mom lives in a different state. Where does she live. Sense you said up there I am assuming that it is either Oregon or Washington. Just asking because I lived in Washington and cared for my Johnny. The state paid me to be his caregiver so I wouldn't have to leave him to work out of our home. Sense we were not married and he had only SS for an income he was able to get on Medicaid and they paid all that Medicare didn't. We went through a social worker at the hospital. I have a few names you might contact if she lives anywhere near where I did. Lillian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Shelley, I wish I knew the answers to your questions but I don't. I just want to say welcome to the family. I know you don't want to be here...no one does...but if you have the need this is the most caring group of people I have ever known. Please feel free to vent, cry, share good news etc. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJAS Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hello Shelley, I don't have a lot of answers for you - sorry - but I would suggest one thing. Try to convince your mom to take a microcassette recorder with her to her doctor visits and send you the tape so you can really understand what is going on. If the doctor doesn't want to accept it, find another doctor. I, too, agree that your mom definitely needs someone there with her. We started out thinking we could do it all ourselves (and there's two of us) and soon found it impossible. In a way, that has been a blessing of this rotten disease (wow, do I hate admitting that there actually could be ANYTHING positive from it!). We have learned that it's ok to let other people be there for you - cancer strips away all the barriers. Also, don't give up on getting your mom to move close to you. There could be many reasons why she is hesitant to do it, but that may change as this journey continues. Best wishes for you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 I am so sorry about her finding out about the sclc. I too have that. Mine is extensive and I was on the same chemo regimine the second go around. Have faith, I am now at 3 1/2 yrs living with this.. PM me if you have questions. Love Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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