Request for a C-acres update

[Andrea]

Hi Karen. I have seen posts from you and Dave, but no "updates" on how things are lately. So if you would not mind, please let us know how you are doing, how Dave is, how your mom is, how your bosses are treating you, and of course what is going on with the mean adoption lady. Boy can I understand how tired you are, I am tired from typing all of that

Seriously, thinking of you and I know we all want to hear how things are going.

[Remembering Dave]

Hey, Andrea. Heck, I saw your PM to me and I forgot to reply.

well, Dave will be starting radiation on Monday since the bonkitis isn't getting any smaller and is pushing on his eye. He also has chemo #3 of Round 2 on Monday.

Mom has surgery on Monday to remove the part of her liver where the tumor is. She just recovered from the colon surgery and related trauma (heart catherization, etc.), poor thing.

Dave's parents are on the way here and should be here this weekend. I need some help!!!

Work is OK, no one is hassling me but I have the sacred FMLA approval so they can't.

My lawyer friend got back and looked at the mean adoption lady email and said that she'd actually seen this happen from one other adoption agency lately and that, more or less, it is their interpretation of what is required and if that is what they think is required that's what they can make me do, UNLESS I wanted to call the Judge and the court clerk and/or the social services agency in my county and ask what the judge actually wants himself. I thought about doing that but then decided screw it, I'm just going to drop the whole thing until Dave is well. I just don't have the time or energy for that fight right now. So I'm going to withdraw the adoption petition for now. All this is, is applying for the adoption to be final in Virginia as well as China so that we get a Virginia birth certificate (written in English) to use when Faith registers for school or whatever. We don't HAVE to have it. I can just make people in the school system read the Chinese one, haha (we actually have a certified translation of it I think). Also, doing the adoption in Virginia registers Faith with the Virginia Dept. of Health and their vital stats so if anyone 100 years from now is doing geneaology they'll have record of her. Not important to me right now . . . .

I had the bladder inflection from hell last week and I realized I've probably been walking around with it for weeks (lower back pain) so I self treated myself with a big bottle of 500 mg Cipro Dave had. Then my doctor's office called me about some bloodwork I was due to have to check my thyroid, so I made the nurse tell me if Cipro is used for bladder infections (it is) but when I went in for the bloodwork she had me do the lovely urine test for that. By then, though, I think the Cipro did it's thing.

I'm tired tired tired. Can't wait for Dave's parents to get here. I want a break! I want to go shopping! I want to go to the grocery store (by myself). I want to go to a movie! I want to go out to dinner! I want to go visit my mom some place other than in a hospital!!! I want our life back! I want us to take a weekend trip in our trailer to the mountains! I want my husband back the way he was for those lovely first five months that we were a family before his diagnoses!!!

But I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking!

Karen C.

[Andrea]

Ok Karen, I can understand the list of wants except for the grocery store thing. Heehee.

Thanks so much for the update. It sounds like you have a busy week ahead of you. As for the adoption thing, it sounds like worse case scenario you hire a translator to interpret the birth certificiate if no one can read chinese And really, does anyone backtrack vital statistics?

I hope the radiation zonks it right out! And of course I hope that your mom has a speedy recovery. I admire your strength so much!

Keep hanging in there and please know how loved you all are.

[mhutch1366]

Andrea,

I will loan you my 9 year old and let you grocery shop for one hour, and ask you that question again. See if you can remember what you went in for, and where you left your brain........

Lovable distractions......

(I wanna push the cart!!! but dear, you cannot steer...... I wanna push the cart....... YOU DON"T LOVE ME>>>>>>!!!!!!!! )

What was that again..???

MaryAnn

[Andrea]

Maryann,

I now say "aaawwww, how cute" to all stories that are told about kids being devilish. And then I get the standard reply "wait till they are yours ;" Heehee. So until I have my own (g-d willing knock on wood sooner than later since I am getting up there in age), I can eewww and aaaahhh.

Then when my own come along I can say "HELP!!!!!! What do I do with it "

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

Dearest Karen,

I have been thinking of you a lot lately. I hope and pray that you get a well deserved break very soon. I'm also praying that Dave's tx's knock those cancer cells out.

In my thoughts and prayers~~~~

Angie

As a side note........I DO understand about wanting to go to the grocery store by myself. Boy, do I understand!! Maryann........do you only have one child? If so, well, you need another one. This is how my grocery trips go......."Can I push the buggy?" NO!! It's my turn to push the buggy." "Can I help you push the buggy?" NO!! GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE BUGGY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!! MOM, BRITTNEY WON"T LEAVE ME ALONE. SHE'S TOUCHING THE BUGGY!!" Up to this point I have said nothing........now I jump in with my meanest mama face on and say, "Unless you want me to pull your toenails off one by one, you had better be quiet!" Yeah, I do say that. No, I wouldn't really do it. Usually something silly like that breaks up the fight and then they are both laughing...............Andrea, my kids have just been picked up by Fed Ex.........they are headed to California!! Prepare yourself!

[Nushka]

Karen,

All I know to say is bless your heart. How in the world do you do it all? I am so proud of you for being able to handle this as well as you are doing. I hope that when Dave's parents get there you can do all on your list...alone. Take a bubble bath while you are at it. As for Dave, I sure hate to hear that the bonkitits isn't any better....hope the radiation knocks it on its butt. As for Faith...its the school's problem to read the darn birth certificate....if they ask....just have the name of that interpreter in your wallet.

Nina

[berisa]

Karen, please know that you, Dave, and Faith are always in my thoughts. I hope you can hang in there and totally understand what you are facing. I know I can't help but only offering my prayers to keep you strong.

[Remembering Dave]

Hello everyone, David here. Yes Karen does need a break. She has been stretched petty thin. Faith is the most wonderful gift fom God and we love her moe yhan is humanly possible but a 2 year old is a rather clingy, whiny creature no matter how you put it ha,ha. I am trying to help as much as possible and do pretty good unless it is my Cisplatin week. Last Monday I received Cisplatin and CPT-11 and went home and slept all day Monday, Tuesday, Wednsday and 1/2 the day on Thursday. I finally started feeling better on Friday.......we went out Saturday and I overdid it so ested all day Sunday. This Monday I had CPT-11 only and felt the chemoscuzzies for a day or 2 but am feeling petty good. My folks will be here tomorrow and will be able to help out tremendously. I am supposed to start Radiation this coming Monday. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.

David C

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

David,

It is good to hear from YOU! (we usually get Dave updates via Karen....which is fine too) Sorry that those chemo days are so unkind to you my friend. Hope it treats you better soon.

In my thoughts and prayers~~~

Angie

[TeeTaa]

Karen,

Upon reading your update, I was reminded of the poem "Normal Day" that I posted a while back and happened to run across last night while trying to clean off my desk. I thought you might like to read it this morning:

NORMAL DAY

Let me be aware

Of the treasure you are.

Let me not pass you by in quest of

Some rare and perfect tomorrow.

Let me hold you while I may,

For it will not always be so.

One day I shall dig my fingers

Into the earth,

Or bury my face in the pillow,

Or stretch myself taut,

Or raise my hands to the sky,

And want more than all the world

Your return.

- Mary Jean Irion

So, from me to you - I have a feeling you're "digging your fingers into the earth, burying your face in the pillow, stretching yourself taut, raising your hands to the sky, and wanting more than all the world" a return to a normal day, and I'd give anything to be able to give it to you. To all of us, for that matter. But for anyone who's on this board, that is not to be. But we do have each other to help us all make it through these all-too-abnormal days.

Praying for us all,

TeeTaa

P.S. I STILL want the name of that adoption agency wench.

[Remembering Dave]

Hey - MaryAnn - when I say go to the grocery store alone, I guess you feel my pain. Do you remember going with a two year old? YIKES! I can't think straight! All I'm doing is running after her, snatching stuff from her hands, that's when she's not in the cart. when she's in the cart I'm trying to keep her in the cart, or I'm picking everything off the floor that she is tossing out of the cart!

Dave can't understand why I can't manage that. He says I'm not showing Faith that I'm the parent and I'm in charge. I challenge him, after he is in remission again, to try a big grocery shopping trip with Faith. Oh, I forgot, she'll be older then . . . and it won't count. Yeah, she'll be doing other hijinks in the grocery by then . . . .

Andrea - you just wait. Yeah, I was you at one time. I thought the sound of a small child saying Mama would be golden music to my ears. It is. Except on a 45 minute car ride to daycare when it is repeated about 100 times. You wait, dear, your time is coming!

Best to all,

Karen

[Cindy RN]

Karen as soon as the in-laws arrive take a long candle lit bath, rest and get to bed early. Next day SHOP!! I find I feel 100% better after shoping-usually its for others but still fun. (I have not done that for awhile-$$ issues ya know)

Dave-you keep resting!!! You my friend are in the middle of these treatments and need all the rest you can get. Let the in-laws pamper and spoil the baby!!

Love Cindy

[Remembering Dave]

TeeTaa,

If you REALLY want to know the wench's name PM me.

(know you're just kidding . . . trust me, I'd like to get some sense and compassion inserted into her thinking, that's for sure).

Karen

[mhutch1366]

Wait until your daughter insists on steering......

refuses to learn that "cart" has "mass" and there fore "momentum"

After all, ankles heal, right????

In the meantime, there's a good reason for duct tape (only kidding).

Yeah I would do hit n runs, until in the evening I could go MAJOR grocery shopping alone so I could hear myself think.

On the other hand, now my 15 year old is quite a joy to take shopping.... as long as we can get past the cosmetics aisle.....

XOXOX

MaryAnn

[paddy]

Dear Karen and Dave,

Sounds as if your plate is flowing over right now. I hope to hear that things are a little better once Dave's Dad and Mum have settled in. Let them do as much as they can, they will be happy to be needed. Paddy

[mhutch1366]

David and Karen,

Hopefully now the cavalry has arrived, and you are saved@!!!!

I am very glad David's family is here to help.

This is a time for families to be close. There is in fact a terrific gift in it , I believe with all my heart, if we can quit being distracted by cancer and see it.

XOXOXOXOX

Prayers always,

MaryAnn

[Remembering Dave]

Mary Ann,

you are so right about the family thing.

also, Faith already wants to steer. that's another big part of the grocery shopping problem. She can be pretty insistent. she will go far in life because once she gets an idea in her head there is no stopping her. I mean nothing. she is totally blind to any indication that she can't do something.

that's my girl.

Karen

[Snowflake]

Karen,

Take someone else's kid shopping and your will seem like an angel...maybe you just need a perspective check! LOL (Someday, maybe I'll share the "Shopping Trip from Hell" that I took with my nephews and niece along with my son to give my brother and his wife a break - I have NEVER repeated that particular performance...four kids when I'm used to having just one...)

Hope you're getting some "me" time and blowing off that excess pressure. It's hard to focus on the really important stuff when the nasties take over and keep buzzing around your head.

As for what you could "test" David with for parental ability...how 'bout being "nice" even when he doesn't feel pretty? Hmmmm...patience with the child in the face of adversity, reining in the throttle reflex and keeping the words soft when your head is throbbing...

HEY, MOM'S don't get "sick days", that's just how it is...THAT would be a luxury to me... A day that I felt like crap that I could stay in bed, curl up with a warm bowl of soup and a flat soda and crackers, the TV on whatever darn channel I want to watch and NO ONE (spouse included) knocking on the door and bothering me until I felt better... LOL - yeah, right, those romance novel dream sequences of my 20s would be more likely to come true!

This too, shall pass. Keep on keepin' on!

Becky

[Melinda]

Two comments:

Karen-- Are they there yet?!?! (Meaning the in-laws)

All of the moms in this thread: You're scaring me to pieces about having kids--and I'm a teacher!!! (Granted, I get to give them back at the end of the day, but I thought I was somewhat better prepared than I might have been...)

Eeekkk! I've always wondered--how do you manage to take a shower with a little one (newborn-7years) about if your "other half" is not present? Do you have to forgo that "luxury"?

Melinda

(the stressed out bride-to-be)

[TeeTaa]

Melinda,

You think you actually get to take a shower, especially in those first several months after having a child?!?! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Thanks for the laugh this morning - I really needed it!!

Blessings,

TeeTaa

[kate1621]

Hi Karen,

If it's any consolation, I struggle to shower too, and the only child in this house is 50 yrs. old.

I hope your family can give you some relief. Toddlers present a challenge no matter what the circumstance. I hope you can look forward to the snickering you'll do when your husband discovers the reality of grocery shopping with a little one.

Wishing you and yours well,

Kate

[Remembering Dave]

THEY'RE HERE!!! THEY'RE HERE!!!

Dave's folks go there yesterday afternoon. I know they are exhausted from their cross country marathon to get here. we had a nice steak dinner last night and everyone went to bed early. well, they did. Faith stayed up an hour past bedtime to hang out with MomMom and DadDad (which she is now calling them).

nothing is easy with a toddler in the house but you can manage to do things, you just do them piecemeal. you wouldn't believe how long it takes to empty the dishwasher. we got Faith when she was 14 months old. you can't really shower when alone with a child at that age because you don't know what they'll get into. it's possible now, at almost three years old. now you just get peppered with questions while in the shower.

the hardest thing for me is taking faith into any retail establishment when she is tired. she doesn't want to be there and makes sure everyone is aware of that. and she is so strong willed that no threat works. she LOves her big girl watch that dave got her and so for a while that worked. "if you're a bad girl in the store mommy will take your watch away." well, finally, when I used that threat Faith defiantely took off the watch and handed it to me, LOL!

Melinda, don't be that scared. having a child alone is not so bad. having a toddler, a very sick husband, a full time job with a two hour daily commute, and a mom with stage iv colon cancer all at the same time, THAT makes parenthood a little challenging!

And again, let me say, (Andrea's heard this before) - when you start seriously considering starting your family, store bought is better than home made!

Karen c.

[Octobergrace]

It sounds like your next few days are about to get a little easier and your inlaw's arrival is just the cure you need for the shortterm. Hope you get rest and some fun, too, as well as some much-needed time to yourself.

All the kids-in-the-grocery-store stories reminded me of the weekly grocery trips I made for several years ago with four children in my care, 15, 13, 5 and 3 yrs. old. Two are bipolar, one is ADD and one has a serious thought disorder; you can imagine I had to have a "system." for just about everything.

The grocery store rules were that the older kids had to have a hand on the cart unless I sent them for something, the youngest sat in the seat buckled in and the five year old sat on the shelf under the buggy until we got to the dogfood aisle (at the end of the trip)where she had to give up her seat and carry something for me.

Once the list was made, nobody could ask for extras but the best behaved got to choose the cereal after we got the dogfood. If all were "good", everyone had ice cream to celebrate afterwards and got to help put up the groceries and fold the bags.

Back then, that was all part of my "normal" day and now I look back and think: Those were the days!

[Melinda]

David and Karen--

Two words: Thank goodness!

Fondly,

Melinda