Bill Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I post one ( 1 ) brief, stern message intended to give a contributor on this board a wake-up call and I get gang tackled and smeared by the masses. This morning I check this board and discover attack posts complete with name calling and there's very little negative reaction. Oh well, nobody guaranteed that this board would be fair and balanced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Bill, Many of us are ill, and don't read the entire board at one sitting. Or we're caregivers to someone who is very ill, and therefore not on the site during the evening or nights. I haven't yet reached the post you are referring to, and I guess it's possible that sometime before last night when I logged off and this morning when I checked in it may have actually been deleted. If it's still there then I guess I'll find it, as I try to make my way through most of the posts. I'm just sorry that you feel singled out. I had hoped that if we responded in the way you said you need-not so much hand holding and as much annecdotal and factual info as possible-that you would know that this is as much a place for you as it is for those of us who need to have our hands held. We're all going through tough times here. You because your obviously much loved wife has Lung Cancer. Me because I have Lung Cancer and I'm not so much loved by my husband, so I have to do the research and leg work myself. Let's try to help each through this...Okay? Please? And maybe after some of the past episodes some of us have decided that the best way to deal with this kind of thing is to ignore it and concentrate on helping each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Bill, As with most support boards, you take what you need, and leave the rest. Contribution in a positive way is a good thing. Advice is a good thing. Caring is a good thing. I am sorry your wife is ill. You sound very angry at the world, and at us. We're in the same boat you are. Nobody is going to like everyone in a group, large or small. As my grandma used to say, if you can't say something nice, say that she(the individual) has such lovely skin...... I remember her saying that so many times, but it wasn't until she had passed that I learned that was what she did if she couldn't say something nice. It's a handy thing to have, a substitute phrase. I'm sorry you feel persecuted. I don't dislike you. I don't know you. I just know you post tersely, and that your sense of humor is a little low. But please cheer up a wee bit. XOXOXOX Prayers always, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Does this sound like a posting someone would appreciate: "If you had bothered to read my wife's bio before responding you would have noticed that what you state is exactly what happened to her...I thought that this forum would be a more appropriate location to ask such a question. Guess not." I ignored it rather than picking a fight because I figured you were just very angry. I decided to pray for you rather than speaking. I do have my limits and had to respond last night. Something to think about. We are all under a lot of stress and need to be considerate. I regretted my posting afterwards. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Bill, I know exactly where you are coming from and what you are referring to in both cases. No hand-holding, but I think I'll PM my thoughts to you and hope that no one takes this as an opportunity to re-hash something that should be left unmentioned. We all have bad days and last nerves and opening wounds doesn't help. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted September 24, 2004 Author Share Posted September 24, 2004 Snowflake Bill, I know exactly where you are coming from and what you are referring to in both cases. No hand-holding, but I think I'll PM my thoughts to you and hope that no one takes this as an opportunity to re-hash something that should be left unmentioned. We all have bad days and last nerves and opening wounds doesn't help. Becky ////////////////// Thanks. Glad to hear that someone can see through that post and isn't afraid to state so. Not only is that post confusing but more importantly the reply-only quote and related comments in that post clearly indicates that the writer is someone desiring to " re-hash something that should be left unmentioned ". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carleen Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 There are times I've come to this board, and there is tension and disention. It makes me so sad because to me, this is a place of refuge; a place of knowledge and information; and a place of love and support. Everyone who is here, is here because they have a need to be here-Either to cope with their cancer, or because someone they love is going through it. And the last thing anyone in this situation needs is to have more stress, arguements, and it is especially unacceptable to have name calling. I've seen posts that have rubbed me the wrong way, but before I can respond in rebutal I usually come to an understanding that I do not know what that person is going through at the time of this posting. I may be going through the same thing, but I don't ever KNOW what someone else's perception of anything is. I also never know what someone's true intention is. Did they mean to sound as harsh as they did, or are they just not as elloquant at that moment as they thought they were being. Those are the posts I don't respond to. And this disease almost always guarantees that we will have bad days here and there. We will have days of extreme emotions including anger, impatience and frustration. On my bad days, I come here to vent. And hopefully that venting is never directed at anyone, but if I do ever offend anyone I hope they know it isn't from my heart and that they'd forgive me with understanding and love knowing it is not my intention to hurt anyone. Now I didn't see the posts Bill is referring to, but I Do Know that whatever was said or not said is now in the past and irrelavent. This moment is a new time to share with each other, help one another, and love one another. Don't let the negative bad comments from one or a few; on either side; spoil what is a beautiful thing...1000+ people united. Bill, I will be praying for your wife daily. It really does suck having someone you love going through this. I understand. I am always here for you, and hope you will be here for me too. God Bless you, and everyone on this site. Boy! rereading this post I sound like Mary Poppins..."Just a spoonful of sugar...." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmek Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I have no clue what is going on here, and do not normally "butt in" when others have disagreements BUT this time i cant help it. I have read every post you have made Bill, and I think once at the beginning I even responded to one. No more. I cannot help but feel your anger or whatever it is in your posts. You and your wife are not better than anyone else here and I sense that you feel we are inferior to you. I have NEVER seen a reply to a post from you, I have never heard an encouraging word from you, Its always take take take, and most times not even a thank you. I am so sorry that your wife has lung cancer but you do seem to care about her or i guess your would not be here i dont know. I do know though that this is a 2 way street and you must give back some if you wish to continue taking. I am sure I have made you mad and others to probably, but i came here looking for knowledge, friendship and have gotten so much more and it breaks my heart to see your cold impersonel posts, and even having to gall to specifically say you want only certain people to respond to you...why not just PM them if you didnt want others opinions? I hope you can understand what I am trying to say, because we all need one another here and would love to see a "nice and compasionate" post from you one day. And yes i am sure I will regrett posting this also, but here i go Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneC Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Carleen, Your post was wonderful - very well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 God Bless (and trust me, ever since our initial "run in" I've been praying for your wife to be healthy). Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pproctor Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Bill, Had the opportunity to read through your posts since reading this thread. I truly do not post much as I am more of a spectator. Just wanted to apologize for what seems to be a bit of a personal attack. I'm sorry for what you are going through with your wife. It is obvious you love her dearly and this is causing you tremendous pain. Ironic that others would bring up your anger while they personally attack you...Isn't it?? I hope you can take from some of the more positive posts and get what you need here and find individuals that admire your directness and personality and not be accepting of people who do not communicate exactly like them. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family Bill! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 All, My post on this thread was about letting Bill know how rude he came across to me and stand4hope when I first responded to one of his posts. It really upset me. He basically called me an idiot. At the time, I let it go as I said previously. But, he started criticizing others for responding to another very rude member here. Based on some of the other responses above, Bill has ticked off a few other people as well--not just me. I do think this has gone too far. We have said our peace and I plan on moving on. Bill: Hopefully you have got some appreciation for where we are coming from. I continue to pray for your wife and for you. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 How does this happen? How does a statement or observation from certain people always turn into a string of negativity? I know EXACTLY what posts Bill is referring to. For those of you who may have missed it, there was some posting last night/today that was beyond "the norm" for those who are suffering and blindly lashing out. Posts made with derogatory comments made and conclusions jumped to incorrectly. If I remember right, the person the anger was directed toward did not even respond to the goading as that would have been just welcoming more and more interaction and confrontation. Bill, I appreciate what you have said here between the lines. My thought would be the frame of mind between the two individuals perceived as "targets" in the two posts you refer to. In retrospect, I think you received a pretty bad reaction to the reverse psychology many parents have been employing for years. The individual with the issue there was really down, not being flippant like a kid that doesn't want to eat vegetables, just being scared - as you have to admit, most of us are. Maybe your post DID function as a wake-up call, that there is a choice out there and anyone can "just quit" anytime. The other target, the recent one, is seen as someone who can take care of themself so it's not normal for those posts to receive much attention from the general population. It's not that people don't care, it's that they all hope it will just blow over and go away... I hope you decide to stick with us and post to others in your own time. I know that when I first found this place I didn't jump right in, I watched the interaction and felt rather odd about joining in with a group that seemed to know each other so well. ...and then I decided to just jump in, I could always leave if I didn't like it... Please, PLEASE, friends, can we play fair and be nice? Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellakc2 Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Bill, I don't know you, and I don't know what the heck went on. But I do know what it's like to watch someone you love be so very ill w/ cancer. My dad passed in 99 of Pancreatic cancer. Which is a extremely ugly cancer. Please try to be more tolerant of others. We all are in pain, physically and mentally. More than likely half of us are on strong meds. We all vent from time to time, but we need each other for comfort. To me this is a safe haven where I can go and I know people truely get it. It made me sooo sad when I saw your post. I will pray for you and espically your wife, it sounds like she's had a real rough time. She lucky to have a husband that fights for her. Some of us are alone. Cancer brings out anger, but it's fear in disguise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted September 25, 2004 Author Share Posted September 25, 2004 Thanks to those few of you for the support and understanding. I'm getting used to the slams but IMO most of it is uncalledfor. IMO the characterization of my posts as all negative, selfish, uncaring, mean, etc. is way off base. In fact, it's not even an accurate account of my postings. I write in a memo style out of habit. That's my style personally & professionally. I ask direct and detailed questions not just for my own benefit ( and accuracy ) BUT I do so with the thinking that others will benefit from my style of questions and the replies. That's my way of contributing. I don't offer an opinion to a question very often because I don't want to do so unless I can truly offer input that's helpful and hasn't already been given. And, just because I don't emphasize encouragement and moral support doesn't mean that I see no value in it. Just as a side note, I have received several PMs and e-mails complimenting me on my direct style of posting. These same people criticized those of you that are unfairly attacking me. However, I fully understand why very few of these people will state so publicly after seeing the way that I get hammered. I have continued to post on this forum because of encouragement from some of the other board participants that my style of contribution is both beneficial and necessary for a good mix. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Bill I just remembered a post you made about frequent yawning as being a possible symptom of brain activity. What did you ever find out about that? Just wondering as I had never heard of that and plus wondering about your wife. elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellakc2 Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Hi Elaine, After my surgery I yawned all the time, for months. I just chalked it up as a oxygen thing. I also had this weird (hard to explain) like a double inhale, which happened dozens of times a day. I still have that, but that only occurs once or twice a day now. Has anyone else ever experience that, or something similiar? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 HI Weird, but yes I have that and Bill reported his wife has it, too. He called an involuntary gasp, while I described it like the thing babies do after they have been sobbing. My Dr told me it had something to do with oxygen and Bill's told him it had something to do with the tumor hitting the diaphram or something, which would not make sense in my case , I don't think, based on where my timor is. Hope this helps. I don't do it a lot either and what is weird is that I don't do it when I am active only when I am sitting, I think. elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellakc2 Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Actually now that I think of it, I only don't it while I'm sitting also. It is involuntary. Mine has nothing to do w/ my tumor either. Thanks! I never asked my Dr. I do think it's a oxygen thing like I stated before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted September 25, 2004 Author Share Posted September 25, 2004 Elaine Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 8:00 pm Post subject: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bill I just remembered a post you made about frequent yawning as being a possible symptom of brain activity. What did you ever find out about that? Just wondering as I had never heard of that and plus wondering about your wife. //////////////////// E : Yes. My wife had a short period in which she was yawning alot. " Inappropriate " yawning. That is, at times when she normally wouldn't and at a frequency beyond the norm. We reported this symptom to her med & rad oncologists then the symptom suddenly stopped ! The med and rad oncologists mentioned that it wasn't that uncommon for patients with brain tumors to yawn like this. A detailed medical explanation wasn't given. Another poster just mentioned another lung symptom that we call gasping ( tumor irritating the diaphragm ). My wife still has this symptom but it has modestly improved over the last couple of months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmek Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 These responses from you Bill are very nice to see. It doesnt take much to make me happy (although I am sure my happiness was not your intention). Thank you also for your clarificatin as why why you post the way you do, it gives a bit of understanding. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 I think PProctor hit the nail on the head. Jack Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Bill, I am really glad you have hung tough. There is a lot to be said for your ability to take the flack you have taken and come back with calm posts/replies. Hope you stick around. jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 There are times I've come to this board, and there is tension and disention. It makes me so sad because to me, this is a place of refuge; ....... but I Do Know that whatever was said or not said is now in the past and irrelavent. This moment is a new time to share with each other, help one another, and love one another. Don't let the negative bad comments from one or a few; on either side; spoil what is a beautiful thing...1000+ people united. Very well said Carleen. My prayers to you and Keith. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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