Please read and reread the story of the Prodigal Son in the bible.
It gave Brian so much comfort and shows us the magnitude of God's love for us.
God never goes away (even when it is a good period of time for us and we forget to rely on Him) He just waits for us and Welcomes us back. His light never isn't shining. We just step out of its beam sometimes.
Brian and I had many discussions about the topics you raise.
Brian found SO MUCH COMFORT in the writings of Brennan Manning. HE is SO HUMAN and with so many faults yet he proclaims how our God loves us just as we are and not as we should be.
You are loved beyong imagination.
You will find comfort
Don't try to do the work..........Just let HIM work inside you.
(I NOW REALIZE I AM WRITING TO MYSELF, NOW)
Consider yourself hugged.
and check for Brennan's work..........Brian went to sleep everysingle night for 10 months listening to his reassurance of God's love for us.
His favorite of Brennan's work: Abba's Child and the Ragamuffin Gospel.
I pray for you to let yourself feel God's love in your life and that you shine it forth to your family and friends to help comfort them, too.
(I am going to re read this as I know I need to focus on things I have written as well.
Hugs,
Pat