hollyanne

Call your doctor, you should not be suffering like this. There are so many options when it comes to nausea pills...just have to find what works for you...but you may have to push your onc to start experimenting NOW. Thinking of you.

I am going to have to have a mojito...lots of sugar and that yummy mint to hide the booze breath. Kasey, you back??? You feeling better? don't scare is anymore. Aunti Cindi?? What about you?

Pain was a huge issue for my mom..the only thing that gave her relief was the Duragesic patches, and they really worked...as well as the "suckers" for breakthrough pain. Oral morphine never worked for her and she was taking so much hydrocodone before switching to fetanyl/duragesic patches that it was crazy. Simply tell the doctor that the pain is not acceptable. There are some tradeofs between a lot of drugs and mental clarity...but right now it seems that the first goal should be to manage the pain. Stay on the doctors!!! There are very few people with whom the pain can not be managed. Thinking of you. It is so painful to see someone you love in pain.

My mom was at home the whole time. We knew that the time was coming about two weeks before. She stopped taking in food and very few liquids, although she was very conscious and awake. She was on a lot of pain medication and we added a morphine pump. She began to sleep a lot more...yet had many hours of complete clarity where we talked about everything, looked at pictures, etc. Three days before she died, she told us that her body was done and asked to speak with each of us...I am sobbing as I write this. Her mind was so crystal clear as she talked about all of our futures and told us over and over that she was not scared, but that she simply did not want to leave us. She slipped into a coma like state the next day. She looked so peaceful and made continual, small noises as if she was comforting someone.....We felt that she may be a bit anxious and gave her ativan ina dropper and increased morphine when she seemed a bit agitated (which was for a few minutes)....we stayed by her, held her hands, and kissed her continually. The hospice nurse, my good friend stayed the night. In the morning, the nurse said that her pulse was gine and that she was very close....we all held her and told her it was ok to let go, all with Vivaldi playing in the background. She took a small breath and she was gone. The peace in the room is something I can't explain. I sat with her body, knowing that her soul was on a glorious trip. I am so sorry that you have to think about this...say EVERYTHING you want to say sooner versus later. The one thing that the last year has taught me is that dying is such a big part of living. Once you go through it with someone, you will understand.

Sarah - I am approaching the one year mark of my mom's death - I just saw your posting and it breaks my heart. I pray that you have some peace in the next year...and always remember that your mom is in a wonderful place, free of pain and all earthly burdens. My mom always said...don't worry, I am not going to be somewhere feeling like I am missing out, that wouldn't be the Heaven that God promises... With love, Holly

Hi Old and New Friends, I can't believe it has been a year since I lost my mom and gave birth to my beautiful baby. I went back and read some posts from this time last year when I was simply emotionally spent. I needed everyone of your prayers and well wishes. Thank You. I looked at the names of those who sent me such encouraging thoughts and wonderful advice, and too, too many of these wonderful people have left this earth. It make me feel sick and blessed at the same time. I pray for all of you that you have days, hours, minutes when you are not consumed by this horrible disease. I pray that you are see the joy in the world despite the terrible sadness. I have had the "benefit" of being away from it for a while...and now I feel that I can support any of you who need an extra prayer...I needed some time away. I miss my mom every single day and cry at least once a day for her. She was and continues to be my hero. And this ONE YEAR OLD (I can't believe it) little grl looks just like her and embodies her love for life. I am back. All my love and prayers for some peace. Holly p.S. Of course, I have to post some baby pictures. forgive me.

Oh Gwen, I pray for peace for all of you.

Crystal - We were so lucky to be even a tiny part of darrell's life. what a class act. As I mentioned before, Heaven gained a wonderful angel. Love to you and to his daughter -- and little on the way! We are here for all of you. Holly

This just makes me sick. Absolutely sick. I HATE THIS F'ING DISEASE. Darrell, Heaven gained one heck of an angel. Look my mom up.

Oh Donna - We went through so much of this together, and I do understand how you feel. I will PM you. You are too strong to give up like this -- this is not you. Mark *is* alright, in fact he is an glorious place. I beleve that you believe that.....take strength in knowing that. when I get so down I just can't deal, I remind myself that my mom would be furious with me for feeling this way. I am dreading Christmas. I am dreading the one year anniversary. My heart aches everyday.....but, I do stay busy, I do set small goals of things to look forward to as I believe my dad does as well. Your heart is broken, but you are a beautiful soul -- I KNOW you are strong, now you have to convince yourself to find enjoyable things in life..they are there. So much love to you, Holly

I hate this disease. I am so very sorry for your loss. It makes no sense at all. None. The site you have created for your daughter is so beautiful. What your family is doing is such a beautiful tribute to your darling daughter. I pray that you continue to get through each day with the amazing purpose that is driving you.

Hi - I too can only share my mom's experience. She too was stageIV at diagnosis and had just run a marathon..she was very healthy. We opted to start chemo about three months after diagnosis as she had only a small spot in the lung and on the backbone -- she did do radiation for pain on the back....but it had started to spread more. My mom's onc put her on a chemo protocol with many fewer side effects to preserve her quality of life --gemzar/carbo. For about two months the cancer was stable while on chemo, and then it went crazy. I am convinced though that the chemo slowed it enough to give my mom a couple of months to make it til my baby was born -- which is what she wanted. There are stories like Don Wood's Lucie where the chemo made a HUGE difference at StageIV and there are many, many, many like my mom's where we could never slow it. Your MIL is on a very tough combo of chemo. Can you ask the onc when the first check will be to see if it is doing anything? If she can deal with side effects til then you would have an idea of "if it is worth it." Please feel free to PM me and I can explain more. Thinking of you all, Holly

Oh, I get it too. Some days, like today are absolutely unbearable. I want to go "back to those days." I am in Utah seeing my dad and the snow has started. This time last year, we were fighting so hard. I was eight months pregnant and huge in my down coat...and my mom would just smile and laugh and tell me "you are my little snowgirl, you always will me." With the holidays coming, I say a huge prayer for everyone who has lost someone and for everyone who is going through this horrendous journey. Love to you and know that you are not alone...your feelings are understood. Holly

I am sorry that you are here. This is consuming. You love your mom, you don't want to lose her -- it is consuming. My mom passed away 10 months ago, yet the absolute panic of diagnosis is still very fresh to me. Learn everything you can, love your mom and try not to ask "why us?" There isn't an answer. It sounds so dumb, but take each day as it comes and don't focus on tomorrow or the "what ifs." You are strong enough to handle today and will be strong enough to handle tomorrow when it comes. we are here for you. I honestly believe I would not have made it without the people on this site. With love and prayers of peace, comfort and strength, Holly

Val practically took the words out of my mouth!! Your dad knows...he does. Congratulations!!

I am praying for you! You certianly don't "deserve" this and either does your mom. Hospice is very skilled...I am very hopeful that they will be able to break through. Thinking of you tonight, Holly

Sis - I guess a lot depends on where your sister is in treatment -- for my mom, the benefts outweighed the negatives -- her quality of life was so much better on them, than off of them...and we knew that she would probably not be around for enough time that the long term effects would be too damaging. She never had any of the modd swings or mental confusion that many have had -- the GREATLY decreased pain from tumors on her spinal cord. She took 16mg every 24 hours. Hope that helps, Holly

I am sorry you had to find us...but welcome. I suggest taking SENNEKOT every single day -- every single day! My mom too was on a lot of pain medication and eventually became impacted, yep that constipation is nasty. I suggest taking the SENNEKOT S (I think it is S) -- it has both a softner and something to keep you "going." My mom also found that taking an anti-nausea pill before chemo and radiation helped her manage. They can also give ant-nausea medication in the IV. Will be thinking about you and your wife. Holly

Heather - I am so sorry. Yes, this disease can spiral down very quickly. It did for my mom who was one of the healthiest people I have ever known. I felt like we never got a chance to really fight it. She had radiation and chemo, and we never got a break. She too was stage IV with mets in the spine, and lost mobility quickly even with physical theraphy, etc. It stinks. It really does. Radiation did wonders for my mom's pain...and when it reallt started to spread, the morphine drip made her "feel like herself again." The first priority should be to control the pain. Have you spoken to the doctors yourself? educate yourself as that is probably the best thing you can do for your stepmom and dad. Thinking of you, Holly

See of there is a patient advocate at your mom's cancer center -- and ask for help with SPOC (see link below) https://www.spoconline.com/spoconline/t ... elcome.jsp Medicare is different in every state - some places it is covered and others it is not (same with Avastin.) usually medicare covers doctor administered types of cancer treatement which a pill is not. First thing is to get with the insurance people at your center - I am sure they have encountered this before. Good luck. This kind of stuff is so unfair.

Jim was a stud. He will be so missed. Too many losses, so few words.

Jill - Welcome. For my mom it was different due on the area. For her back, it took about 7 days...for her ribs less than three days. Due ask about increasing the fractions of the radiation (stronger doses) -- I don't think they will do that for the lung...but can often for other areas....and tell the doctor she needs something else for pain. Different drugs work diferently for people..the fentanyl patch was life saver for us. Love, Holly

Kasey - I love you, I really do. The reason I stay on the board is for the exact reasons you just explained. For women/girls going through this with their moms, I do understand -- the way Val and Kelly and Loi understood when I was going through it...and reached out to me. My friends were as supportive as they could be, but really didn't know what to do -- didn't understand scans or staging or whatever. This week has been so brutal for this board - I don't understand why it comes in waves.... Thank you for being Kasey. Love, Holly

Don - I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. Both of you were such an inspiration when my mom was diagnosed...I can't even explain how powerful your story is. All my love at this time. You are incredible. Holly

Lori - You should be so proud. No mom could have a better daughter. You all battled so very hard. My heart aches for you. You have been here for so many of us who lost our moms...we will be here for you when you need us. Love always, Holly