hollyanne

Kim - There are many, many drugs to treat chemo side effects. It effects every person differently -- you can definitely expect her to be exhausted as the treatment continues....you will get great advice on this board as you start the journey with chemo. Keeping food and liquids in your mom is important -- not forcing her to eat but looking for ways to stick extra calories in everything -- smoothies, ensure, ice cream all work well. Remember they well taper the chemo to match her weight... Thinking of you, Holly

Rod - I am sorry you had to find us. I can't provide any more input than everyone already has....You are at the beginning of a what is a rough journey...yet you will feel more in control once you have a definitive diagnosis and a game plan even if it is no treatment. Love your dad every day and be thankful for every minute. Thinking of you and your family. Holly

Tina - She is in charge! I am sure she will be at peace with her decision...yet it is hard for caregivers to come along for the ride....you may have many weeks, months ahead of you -- cherish every single one. Those last months were so bittersweet for me -- I had moe special times with my mom than I could ever imagine. Love to you.

My thoughts are with you. I know how tough this -- all you can do is spend time together, honor your dad's wishes and pary for peace of mind and strength (which we all do for you!) I am so sorry you all are going through this...remember, each day as it comes, you will have strength to deal with each day as it comes.... Love to you all.

Laura - I get it. I thought my family and I were untouchable. We had never really ever had anything challenging happen to us -- no sickness, no deaths, no divorce, no addictions -- and then my mom, the seemingly healthiest woman in the workd is diagnosed and died in five months. I know am frightful when my husband flies internationally. I worry when I go to the doctor for anything. It has all become very real that bad things can happen that just don't make sense...I feel like I have lost contol. I can say that I have gotten better at logically telling myself not to worry...but I do think it is part of the process. hang in there, Holly

Worn-out, grumpy and a bit bitchy is how I feel this evening.

Oh Val, I think this is fantastic! Absolutely fantastic. You would be great!

Jenn - It just sucks all the way around. I understand how physically and emotionally exhausting it is. I can only speak from my experience -- I was five months pregnant with my first baby when my mom was diagnosed. Moving to be with her, caring for her/lifting her even the day before I had Caroline, staying up nights when I was exhausted because she was in pain, etc -- was ALL worth it. Somehow you will find the energy, you just will...not to say it isn't o.k. to take a mental health day too! I know that I did everything within my power to help my mom and dad (still helping my dad to this day.) You will forever be grateful that you supported your parents through this time, and Jenn you will get back to a somewhat normal life at some time...although it will never be the same, you will get control again. You are a fantastic daughter, a great mother and an absolute blessing for your dad.... it won't be like this forever. Thinking of you during ths stressful time. Unfortunately, I remember it too well, and my heart breaks for you....but as you know, you are doing the right thing. Love, Holly

Amy - There is active dying process that many of us have watched our loved ones go through -- there are many common steps -- yet it sounds like you are not "there." I agree with everyone else, get an advocate involved -- whether it is you or your husband or whomever -- make sure you have complete information. I am sorry that you have to go through this, and am so sorry for the pain that it causes your whole family. We are here for you. Holly

Jenny - Once you get another plan in place, all of you can focus on beating the crap out of this beast. You have gotten great advice here -- so I will just say Welcome. There are so many daughters on this site -- fighting they battle with their mom or dad, or dealing with the incredible loss of a parent. We undestand. We really, really do. Love, Holly

Mary - You will get that pain taken care of and I think your outlook on everything will change! I have had some pain in my life -- nothing like bone met pain -- yet I know the incredible relief that comes when you are pain-free. Thinking of you and praying that the radiation works quickly. Holly

Cindy - I am praying that your dad's passing is peaceful and reassuring for you. I was with my mom when she died, as difficult as it was, it was very powerful..and I KNOW that God was with us when she left this planet. Prayers for peace and strength in the coming days. Holly

I am so sorry you are going through this..again. Do you know what the stage is? Of course, you have to respect her wishes, yet I just hope she is making decisions with full information. As Maryanne said, she may be not nearly as far as long as your dad. Holding you in my prayers tonight, Holly

Jorja - Four weeks is such a short period of time -- I lost my mom almost six months ago. I don't miss her any less, I have just come to accept it more. I don' think I will ever be the same person. I try not to dwell on things like "my mom missed this, or I wish she were here to do such and such." Rather I focus on the amazing 38 years I had with her, and how blessed I was. You will not be alone at your wedding....he'll be there. Time will ease your pain, it really, really will. Love, Holly

Linda - I am so sorry that it has come to this, but very relieved for you that you will have help. Most Hospice nurses are amazing, and they know how to handle all of this. Rest assured that your mom will be well taken care of...now you need to "take some time off." With love, Holly

Prayers for good scans for you guys! If there are mets, he may very well change his mind about treatment. There are lots and lots of people on this board who have had bone, liver, etc mets and continue to do very well....I guess you never realy know what you will do until you are faced with the information. Treatment or no treatment, prayers for many, many good days, weeks, months ahead.

Gwen - The beginning is so very hard. Take a breath and give this some time to sink in -- and se what the plan is. You will feel a bit more in control once you guys have a plan. Women like you always inspire me so much...you must be a great mom to those beautiful kids. I am sorry that you had to find us, but am glad that we will be able to help you through this journey. Holly

I am so very sorry. Prayers for you for strength and comfort in the coming weeks and months. You will make it through all of this although at times it will feel like you won't be able to ...YOU WILL.

Hi - Cindi and Don are right on -- nourishment is the first concern. I would have your FIL call the doctor ASAP and make sure everything is on the table. Also, if your FIL isn't ready to "tattle,' can you get HIPPA rights to dicuss your MIL with the onc? We had to treat food like medicine at times with my mom -- she simply knew she had to eat and drink -- and we looked for calories in everything -- even if it meant she ate candy and ice cream all day one day! Thinking of you. This is so very tough. Holly

GET A SECOND OPINION! I think that summarizes everyone's comments. If your mom feels crappy, you should at least have an idea as to why. If your gut (and her gut) say change doctors...then definitely get another opinion. Holly

Donna - It looks like everyone has answered your questions! So, I will just welcome you. The support you will get here will amaze you! Keep fighting the fight, it sounds as if your spirit is unbeatable! Holly

Connie - I am so very sorry. I pray for strength and peace for you in the coming months. Holly

Linda- Just hang in there and cut your mom more slack than you could ever imagine! She has to come to terms with all of this in her own head, medications make everyone a little whacky, her body is going through so much, etc....I know that you know all of this. She loves you more than anything...give her a little break. Don't talk about treatment, about the cancer, let her bring it up. You are not going to lose anything by giving everything a break for a day or two. This isn't your mom lashing out, it is the cancer. Your mom is "in there" and will be back. I am sorry you have to see her like this, I know it sucks. Love, Holly

I think you have gotten really good advice already! One thought, would there be any rental available anywhere? Just a thought. Thinking of you, Holly

Prayers that this is just some stupid thing thatcan be remedied quickly. Love to both of you.