hollyanne

I am so sorry. You are not selfish to want him to stay -- I remember that feeling. All you can do is love him and make sure he is comfortable. If he seems at all agitated, make sure hospice gives him xanax or something. As you know, God may have other plans for him...know that you are a fantastic daughter and that this will probably be the most difficult thing you will go through. I remember those days and my heart breaks for you. Prayers for strength ane peace of mind. Love, Holly

Jodi - I think Cindi is probably right -- the thing I noticed with my mom was that the inflammation in the areas around the bone mets was responsible for most of her terrible pain. My mom did really well with steroids -- they took away the inflammation and pain very quickly -- as well as Duragesic patches. The spine mets can cause horrendous pain and when they are radiated, resulting in more irritation of surrounding tissues and nerves, it can be terrible. I know how painful it is to watch your mom in pain. Keep on the doctors to get her comfortable -- you can always cut back on medication later. Love to you, Holly

I will say many prayers tonight. I know you are probably in shock - when the bad news comes with no warning, it is devastating and numbing. I pray for strength and peace for all of you during this time.

Hi Karen - Does your cancer center have a patient advocate who can advise you? My mom was on Medicare A/b with supplemental insurance as well -- everything was covered for her except for Duragesic pain patches. Yet, she was over 65 (if that makes a differece.) i was shocked at how good the Medicare coverage was! Good luck, Holly

Linda - It IS scary, yet you have many people around you who will support you every step of the way. There are so many drugs for pain (with Vicodin being just the beginning) - I am confident that Mike will get his pain under control. Hospice should be of great help. Try to stay strong and be thankful for every day! You guys will be in my prayers. Holly

Nancy - My mom was on 150mg Duragesic patches after trying tons of stuff - they were a Godsend as they are fast acting and the dosage can be adjusted so easily -- she could take morphine orally as she threw it up(although she did great with a morphine pump.) The Actiq suckers (same Fetanyl as the patch) are great for breakthrough pain. My mom's bone met pain was horrendous...the patches were able to eally keep it under control (along with radiation.) Tell your onc that your pain level is simply not acceptable. with all of the different drugs out there, you should not be in pain. Please keep us posted... I will pray that you get some relief very soon. Holly

Kim. I understand every one of your feelings. All I can say is that you will make it through everything -- not without a lot of pain and a lot of tears. My mom was able to hold on to see her first grandchild born and then died two weeks later. I never, ever thought I would face being a mom without my mom. I think of my mom constantly and miss her so much it practically paralyzes me, yet I know she is in a glrios place, I know we had a relationship that so many people have envied over the years. is it fair? No. But, you will make it through. Will things ever be the same? No. But, you will adjust. It has been three months and it has gotten a little easier - I miss her as much, yet I am able to process it better. I hurt for my dad, my brother and all of her friends, yet I know how blessed we all were to have her. Praying that you recieve peace and strength in the coming days and months -- and that your mom is painfree and at peace. Thinking of you, Holly

Velvet Underground

Welcome. It is tough to try and be the caregiver and the strong one - but you can do it. Yes, life has changed dramatically for you, but you will adjust and thrive each day, each hour as it comes. Know that many, many people understand how you feel and will help you in anyway they can. We are here for you and your husband!

Wait a second, you should be happy, so BE HAPPY. This is good news, right? So, the messenger let you down today. May sound dumb, but maybe he was offing an "off" day. You have trusted and valued him for a while, right? Celebrate the message. Forgive the messenger.

Oh Shanna, I could have written your post..in fact I think I did write it a few months back. I sent you a PM and am here for you anytime. It is a terrible road, yet there are moments that I am so thankful for -- and I will NEVER regret being with my mom through everything. Getting her pain under control is the top priority. My mom had terrible bone mets, in fact her lung tumor never grew bigger than the size of dime -- so we dealt with a lot of pain, yet managed to get it under control by experimenting with many different things. Radiation will help....please PM or call me as I may be able to at least help you somewhat. All the prayers in the world for you, Holy

You can't spend a minute thinking about them! You can only control what you do...and I am sure you were a loving wife then and still. Please, please do not worry about them. You just lost your husband....you deserve peace of mind and strength...not guilt or worry about someone else's actions. I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there. I will include you in my prayers.

w=watermelon

Praise God! What great news.

The Actiq's are really expensive...my mom's insurace didn't cover them, but once we went on hospice, they covered it -- nothing but those and the related Duragesic patches (and the morphine pump) worked for my mom. If you get 800mg suckers, you won't need many -- sucking for a few minutes does a lot. The morphine pump was still the absolute best for us... Thinking of you, Holly

Nancy - I PMed you as well -- get a morphine pump....it was a God send for my mom...they can control the pain with it easily and still use ativan or xanax for anxiety. thinking of you. love, Holly

I am so sorry. Hospice will be a great help. Your MIL should be comfortable with their help. Remember you do have time left...leave nothing unsaid. No one knows how long you will have with her, yet hospice will give you an idea when the time begins to be short -- which could be a long ways off or around the corner. Breathe. Take each day as it comes, each hour. Don't try and look ahead, you can't control the future. Prayers for peace and strength for you. Holly

Prayers coming his way...

So many of us understand what it s like to worry so much about our moms. Take each day as it comes and remember to breathe. This journey is full of ups and downs...praying that you have a "up" after the scans.

Kasey took the words out of mouth! Don't jump ahead, it doesn't do you any good! Prayers for peace and strength over the next few days...and of course for a clean scan. As Carleen said, it could be a lot of things...don't get yourself into diagnosis paralysis.

Welcome DeDe -- we will support you through anything that comes your way. Your dad sounds like a remarkable man!

Hi Lori - We moved my mom from 12mg to .5mg and her only withdrawal type symptoms were leg cramps and weakness...yet she did not have swelling in her brain to start with (just all inflammation around bones/nerves.) Hoping there is a simple explanation, Holly

Oh Linda, I am so sorry for this news. I will pray for peace and strength for both of you.

Eppie - thank you for sharing. this is truly beautiful. may God bless you and your family...i am sure he has Lee sitting beside him. Love, Holly

you WILL deal with this. Appreciate the time you have -- make sure you leave nothing unsaid. Think how you would want to be treated... I think hospice will help all of you so much... You are in my thoughts, Holly