natalie

Berisa, I think your Dad came into your dream so you can tell your mom that he is doing great and is in heaven. That is beautiful. Can you tell me more about the ceremony of burning things so they go with the person to heaven?

Kathi, Thinking about you and saying big prayers.

Andrea, I'm trying to find my mom's chocolate mousse recipe. She use to work for a French restaurant when she was really young and it's a terrific mousse. Please let me know when you go for publishing...I want to make sure my mom's recipe gets in there. Thank you!!! Hey, like the pic. You guys are just so darn cute P.S. I'm in the middle of my video tape...I hope to get it out to you girls in a couple of weeks.

I needed this letter very much today. Thank you.

Hi Rob, You are in a very difficult situation. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. The stages are different and handled differently, so I think it's important to have at least one person know the facts. Whatever the diagnosis is for your father, one of the most important things iI learned is to research the ability to get the orginal tumor site surgically removed if you can. My mom decided that she didn't want to know statistics or the facts...so before our doctor's appointments, I told them up front "Please do not provide us with statistics. We know it's serious, just please let us know what the next step is". I decided to take it upon myself to learn the statistics and everything else so that I can help with the decision making and understand why the doctors were making particular decisions. I believe someone needs to know what's ahead so that particular decisions are to be made, but the most important thing for me was to respect what my mom wanted and any good news I heard, provide her with it. Every person is different. Some people like to know facts and deal with it head on. My mom wanted to remain in a state of denial. Being a fact person myself, it was very hard for me to continue this state of denial, but I'm so glad this is the approach we took. She enjoyed life so very much and didn't have any amends to make, so it wasn't like her to face her fears, resolve things, etc. My mom wanted to just live in the moment. I found this to be the best for for my family to handle it...no recommendations here, just my experience. My mom and I were able to have a lot of good days. I'm not too sure if we would have been able to do that had we dealt with the believe that she possibly couldn't be cured. I give you my best wishes and I will pray that this is caught early. There are many things they can do, so keep your chin up and hang in there. This is a great place to come for resources without having to know statistics. Statistics are skewed, outdated and inaccurate anyway. Take Care

That is the most touching thing I've read in a long time. I honestly teared up. You are one amazing mom to have touched your son and inspired him like you have. Those words expressed so much more than what is written on the screen.

HEY Steph!!! When do you think you'll come back to the States? What have you been up to? Have you been holding up okay? Thinking of ya.

Wow, this post has meant a lot to me. Sharyn, I do know how you feel, you are not alone. Thanks to those of you that offered words of validation, they are so appreciated and thanks Sharyn for posting it, that was very brave of you. My mom was in a morphine induced coma for 3 days. I felt like I placed her in that position. One minute I thought we were giving her morphine to relieve her pain, the next minute they are asking for her direct orders and telling me to call the family for the last goodbyes. I had to make decisions I never thought I would have to make. I knew we were doing the right thing, but then in the back of my mind was the nagging thought that I didn't. Thank you for this post. As hurtful as it is to revisit, it helped to know that its a common occurence and one that shouldn't be filled with regret. Sharon, we did the right thing. It was done out of undying love for our parents.

Not sure if any of you saw 60 minutes, but they are doing a study with dogs and lung cancer in California. It was a great segment about how dogs can detect bladder cancer and they are now seeing if they can detect other cancers. I think this is great news!

Hi Everyone, As I've mentioned on this website before, I joined the Gail P. Ramos Lung Cancer Foundation. They have named me their Sacramento Regional Event Manager. Now that I'm the Event Manager I'm soliciting volunteers for two events... August 20th, 2005 is the "Step For Survival" which is a 5K/10k walk/run September 30th, 2005 is our "Chipping Away at Lung Cancer" Golf Tournament. which will also feature a silent auction. Our goal is to raise $250,000 to go directly towards lung cancer research. We are working with UCLA to offer multiple grants to fund the research needed to find a cure to this disease. I will need volunteers to assist us in various areas such as: 1. work day of the tournament and/or walk such as register people and give t-shirts. 2. help us gather sponsers for events 3. help us find items to auction at our silent auction 4. volunteer leader 5. help with Public Service Announcements or advertising 6. speaker/speakers the day of either event to give their experiences of their battle. Whatever amount of your time you'd like to offer whether it be the day of the event or you'd like to get more involved is very much appreciated. We will never make you do more than you would like to. Come join a group of people that have been affected by this disease, want to do something because of it and want to have fun doing it. If you would like to inquire for more information please email me at natalie@ramosfoundation.org Thank you!

Kim, I don't have the answer, I sure wish I did, but I wanted to write you to let you know I completely empathize with you. I tried to get my Dad on antidepressants, but he refuses. I think going to the doctors is definitely a good start for your Dad. My Dad was married to my mom for 35 years and I worry about him daily. I think the only thing that helps him is other people that have gone through and they tell him it like it is. They don't sugar coat it and say "things will get better" or "you need to move on"...they just tell him "it just plain sucks" . I don't think my Dad knows what to do with himself...he's so lost without my mom. I got him a computer for Christmas thinking that it might give him an outlet to meet people or to find some resources to cope. I think church may provide your Dad some comfort in a little while after he gets through the shock of it all. I'm so glad your Dad is receptive to outlets as my Dad isn't and I don't know how to get him out there amongst the living. Is there someone your Dad can carpool with to work? A train he can take? My Dad is very stubborn and isn't very open to any ideas I mention and tells me he's "okay" even though I know he's not. I'm an only child, so I think I tend to get overbearing of him. I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I put horrible images of things that could happen to him in my head. I don't know why I do that, but now I realize how vulnerable we all are and that anyone and anything can be taken from us in such a short time. It's feels like the caregiving will never end. Please let me know what works for your Dad and I'll do the same for you. Just wanted you to know that I understand. Thinking of you.

Hi Karen!! I haven't posted as much either...so I'll post right now to say "hello". I find it hard to contribute at this time for many reasons but please know that I am quietly saying prayers for all of you and care about you. An update on me...I've been trying to allocate my time assisting with finding a cure for this disease. I've volunteered with a lung cancer research fundraising organization and they've named me the Sacramento Regional Event Manager. We are doing a golf tournament and silent auction in September. I'm also terribly worried about my Dad and find that a lot of my time is spent giving him all my support. When I feel more balanced emotionally and get to a point where I think I've been able to handle my grief, I will definitely offer my words of support. I hope you all understand as I don't mean to be selfish. I'm amazed at the great things you LCSC board members have done with the website. The addition of the Ask the Experts form is terrific! I'm going to get on my soap box here. Karen, I hope you don't mind me using your thread for this, it just make it easier than posting a new thread or responding to the thread dealing with the issue of anger with one another. This isn't directed at anyone...I just want to put my two cents here in relation to all the controvertial threads I've seen on here through the 19 months I've been here. I just want Dr. Joe to know that I'm saddened that he feels he needs to leave this website. I greatly admire his service to us here. I'm in awe of his dedication and compassion. I could never be a doctor and deal with his issues on a daily basis and then come here and dedicate what I have left. It took me four doctors to finally find one for my mom that had an ounce of the compassion that Dr. Joe has displayed to all of us here. Thank you, Dr. Joe, for your service. I wish you the best. I thank those of you who contribute your education and experience on this board. I understand the emotions to this disease ...it can definitely take every ounce of your being and turn it inside out. I know that I've felt despair, anger, sadness, then upbeat, hope, then sad again, bitter, etc. I just hope that when people post out of emotions, they remember that some valued sponsers, doctors, nurses, organizations can read those things and decide to not contribute to our great need for awareness. I've never been to a local support group where people have had arguments or judged people to their faces and I find it interesting that it happens on line...it's easier when we can't look at each other. Along with offering support, the beneficial thing about this website is it shows how many people are affected by lung cancer...it puts a face with the disease which in return makes people more aware of how much research needs to go into this disease. I don't want to turn those people away that can help bring awareness, fundraising dollars to this disease. This website is such a tool for lung cancer and bringing awareness to it. Katie, Rick and many others have dedicated so much time to this website. I think we all have a responsibility to administrators of this website to respect that and respect each other whether we agree or disagree.

What a wonderful dream. I honestly believe that people communicate with us through our dreams. I'm thinking of you. Call me if you need to talk. The holidays are proving to be especially difficult.

I went back to where my mom would get her chemo about a month after to donate materials. It's the same hospital where my mom passed. It was extremely difficult, but I'm glad I went. There were four nurses there that knew us and they all came and hugged me and shared their stories of people they've lost. They also spoke wonderful words of my mom. I needed to hear those words from them because I was so proud at how strong and brave she was. I felt that no one understood outside of my world of cancer and these nurses understood...they went through it with me, so to see them was a thing I needed at the time. It was a very nuturing experience for me. If you can get yourself to go visit those wonderful people I recommend it. Take Care

You wrote such beautiful words to describe your mother. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

Melinda, I am so sorry that you have all of this going on. You must be exhausted emotionally and physically. Just remember take it one day at a time. There is only one of you...you can't be everything to everyone all the time. I know that being in your situation, I would be feeling the same things. You want to be there for everyone. If you don't take care of yourself once in a while, you aren't going to be healthy enough to give to others. If I were you, I'd ask your mom what you should do...be with your great aunt, or her? How she thinks you should balance your schedule in this situation. Mom's know best, right? Do you have any siblings? If so, ask them what you should do. I'm on the flip end of things ...as you probably remember, my mom passed this year and now my mother in law has been diagnosed with breast cancer...so I can somewhat relate. What I've realized it that with my mother in law being out of state it makes it that much more difficult to make sure she has the support she needs. I love her tremendously, I couldn't ask for a better MIL. I feel comfort knowing that she has people there taking care of her and we are calling her constantly...realistically, we can't be there all the time and the next time we see her will be in March. If things progress with her cancer, we will have to let her make the decision...come here and live with us or his sister or she can stay there and we will have to discuss making sure she has the appropriate care. I'm just going to take it one day at a time, but the decision is ultimately hers. It definitely helps that my husband has siblings because we can balance things more... I hope you have a sibling to help you balance this out. As you know this is a rollercoaster ride, so please remember to take it one day at a time...things can change from one day to the next and you can't predict what's going to happen. You already are a great daughter and wonderful great niece. They both know that you do what you can. If you only had super powers, right? You've got Geoff's mom watching over your family. It's really wierd, but I feel comfort knowing that my mom's there in heaven to be an angel for my MIL. I will have you in my prayers. Keep us posted okay?

Amanda, I'm so sorry you have to be here. From things I've read, the best thing for any cancer, is to get it out...so I would ask about radiostatic surgery. It's a surgery done with a laser and they use it on small tumors. I know that with SCLC it's not the protocol to do surgery, but maybe this new type of laser surgery might be an option. I may be wrong...but don't feel shy to ask doctors questions and question things that they may suggest.

Hey Kathy, Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and keeping you and your Dad in my prayers. Natalie

Hi Joyce and Kathi- I would love to help on Friday, but I just found out my sweet dear mother in law has breast cancer. She is having surgery on Monday, so my husband and I are trying to find flights to Arizona...this week is not a good week for me. Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely HATE cancer? I ditto what Kathi says about the Ramos Foundation. We are talking about putting together a golf tournament and auction event. Joyce, where in the Bay Area do you live?

Kim, I'm so sorry for your loss. You absolutely give your mom something to be proud of! It sounds like she gave you a lot of her strength. I witnessed the same peaceful death with my mom. In a wierd way, it is such a gift to be there, isn't it? It made me that much closer to my mom...I can't explain it. There was someone there on the other side that took her and brought her to her next life...I swear it. She was calm and I felt that she had a companion. I'm confident it was my grandma. It was that moment, that I knew she was going to be okay and that it was just us left behind that are suffering. When I read your post it all came back to me. I also had to tell my Dad that she had passed. He had been by her side for three days straight and decided to leave for just a half hour so he could go take a shower and change. He loved her so much and I believed my mom stuck around because he couldn't let her go. I don't know what was more painful...losing my mom or watching my Dad lose the love of his life. If you are ever up for going to a grieving group here, let me know and I'll meet you there. I haven't been to one in a long time, but I know I could use it. I know how painful this is and how shocked you must be right now. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Take Care,

Hey Steph, I'm so sorry that you have to be all the way in Denmark and I'm doubly sorry that you have such an insensitive jerk of a stepfather. I've been reading your posts today and my heart goes out to you. Situations like this bring out the worst in people. I have a family member that blames me for my mother's death. She has said just horrible things. If you are anything like me, I get fuming mad and then exhausted from the anger, then the sadness of losing my mom. I've decided to keep a cautious distance from this family member. I hope that Fay can help you get the information you need. I know that it has to be tremendously difficult to not have something you can touch, smell of your mothers. Do you have someone you can trust in your stepfather's family? Maybe they can help you with communication with him or maybe they will be compassionate enough, go over to the house and sneak a couple of items for you and your sister. Steph, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's so unbelievable that someone can be so heartless. Nonetheless, we are here for you and respect your loss. We know how much you loved your mother and how much your heart breaks...you have our compassion. On another note, how long are you in Denmark?

Denise, It DOES suck! Your mom was way too young. I hope so much for you that the pain gets easier for you. I know the first few months are a fog and especially difficult to bear. I'm still shouting "It's not fair!" Please call me whenever you need to talk buddy. Love you,

Andrea, Have you talked to Laurie from San Diego? She was going to do a Concert for the Cure...Laurie, are you out there???

Hey Kathi- Give me a call when you get the details from Tee Taa. I'll help you come up with a game plan. Are you aiming to get this done before Christmas? I'm going to email you my home phone number and my cell phone in case you don't have it. I'm really excited about this idea! I think it's great. I already have about 20 coworkers that I know would buy it. They are so supportive. We can also talk to the Ramos Foundation too as I bet they have a whole set of people that would buy it too! This is GREAT!!!

Sharon, I am so sorry. To have all those right after another...it's just got to have drained you emotionally. Your father is a true fighter. You are in my thoughts and prayers.