Remembering Dave

Our realtor is coming over this evening with a contract to present to us - offer to buy the house - not asking price but getting closer to it! Dave is home sleeping off chemo and not aware of the plan, but we have to address it this evening and he has to be involved. The potential purchasers have asked for some odd things, like throwing in our pontoon boat. Of course there's not a single house in the area we want to move to, on the market now, that I'd buy! BUT, houses are being sold before they even hit the MLS, or hours after. so maybe we'll get our luck break and the perfect house will come available right when we need it! So, we need good luck on the selling and the buying ends of things! Karen p.s. I'm kinda excited!

Dave had one whopper of a pericardial effusion and didn't even know it. no pain. he might have had a bit of shortness of breath, but not enough to make him complain. of course, Dave can take alot before he complains. sorry to be late answering this, wish I'd seen it yesterday. but I didn't get on the internet yesterday. every time I got anywhere near laptop Faith was all over me "me help me help" and then we HAD to play the Blues Clues game CD. Take care, Karen

Just saw this, and am sorry she had that bad cold, but it gave me time to say: BEST OF LUCK TO DEAR ANDREA'S MOTHER, AND PRAYERS FOR A SUCCESSFUL PROCEDURE AND A QUICK RECOVERY. God Bless a wonderful family, Karen

Betty, Dave read your post out loud to me yesterday and I can't get you off my mind. Reading your words just now makes my heart sink. You have been so wonderful and kind to Dave and I, and a real model for fighting. I am praying that God will heal you. And I am worried about you - how comfortable you are, how much help you have, how much company you have. I know you have that wonderful tenant, anyone else taking care of you? Your sister? Like someone else has mentioned, your words "Every Dawn is a Victory" has really gotten to me over the last few months. Whenever I get down about what we, Dave and I, are going through, those words of yours will lift me up and make me realize that each day is a gift. thank you for that. God Bless you my dear, Karen

Good luck to you, both, I KNOW you will do fine and will be one big step closer to NED! God Bless, Karen

Betty, I am so sorry to hear this news. I will be praying for you. You have always been there for me. Please let us know how you are doing. Don't give up the fight. Miracles happen everyday. Why not have one for you?!?!? David C

Fay - YOU GO GIRL. I think it's a great idea. And I don't think you're crazy. I think it stinks that the illness of one organ disqualifies you for a transplant of another organ. Sounds good to me, just replace all of 'em. Dave and I are going to try to start walking. He wants to desperately, but poor thing, he is SO TIRED all the time. Vicious circle. Walking may or may not give him more energy at this point, his body is so beat up. But you're giving me some inspiration. And, by the way, didn't you tell me once that there's alot of hills around your house? so you need to give yourself extra credit for that. Happy Trails! Karen

Ha! too good to be true, eating choc. will cure cancer. well, like everything else, it's one compound, not the whole delicious package that does the work. thanks for sharing. Karen

I'd better let those folks who've actually had lung surgery answer your question. I hear it can be kind of rough. I just wanted to wish you well and hope that this, and some chemo, is IT for you. It sounds like you caught it fairly early - good job! God Bless and good luck, Karen

1. Dave is getting better I think 2. Ginnyde 3. Dave and Faith 4. Justakid is getting better 5. Thank you God, for my life Karen

That's a good vent. go for it. By the way, Philip Morris USA moved their corporate headquarters here to Richmond from NYC. We already have a whole bunch of Philip Morris employees here, in fact, for many many years they were the largest employer in Richmond, now capital one is. Anyway, an old, dear friend of mine, her husband works for them, and I told her once after Dave's diagnoses that I could NEVER work for them, no matter how well they paid, etc., it wasn't a confrontational type conversation at all, I just mentioned it, and she looked at me like I had insulted her mother or something. that's the way people are around here. I said, hey, nothing against anyone who DOES work there, but for one, my allergies couldn't stand the cig smoke (they can smoke in their offices and do - in fact, the law firm I worked at for 16 years does most of their work and thus, does not ban smoking in the office) and I told her, on principle, how could I go work for them after Dave got lung cancer from smoking? She wasn't convinced but I don't care. So there is my related vent. Karen

I just saw this and the question really grabbed at me. I think everyone handles grief in their own way and I don't think it should matter what you wear, how you act, or how much you go out. Everyone should respect the way you want to work through it. If you want to wear the brightest of colors, you should. heck, it would probably cheer you up some. I hate to say this, but I have thought alot in the last couple of months about how I would act if I lost Dave . . . and I have decided that I would do nothing different. I would wear the same clothes, get up and go to work (after I am able to that is), take Faith to school, fix the same food, go out with the same friends. I would never even consider changing any of my habits out of any sign of respect. In fact, Dave would want me to carry on. The important thing is that he is never ever forgotten, especially by our daughter, and I will do everything I can to keep his image and influence in our home. That being said, I don't plan on losing him any time soon. But after getting the last, awful diagnoses that he got a few months ago, I admit to being guilty of THINKING about it. Margaret, I want you to know how much I really admire you. You are a strong, good, kind hearted, wonderful person. I just wanted to say that. God Bless, Karen

well, darn it all, but I'm sure glad your problem had an easy solution and the rest of your ticker is still doing just fine. and I hope like heck that the radiation does more than relieve Lucie's pain, I hope it zaps that darn bone met to death. Glad you got the cruise in, though. Good work on that one, except, Don, you waited until you got home from the cruise to attend to the arm thing? Aren't you supposed to not let any heart issues wait? Hang in there, and prayers and blessings to the both of you. God Bless, Karen

I was going to sing to you just as Dee did, and then mention I can't carry a tune (now, even Faith is telling me this). HAVE A GREAT ONE TODAY. p.s. by the way I had a margarita in your honor last Friday. Karen

they might have stolen your continence in the hospital, but THANK GOD they left your wonderful sense of humor intact! It is so so very good to "hear your voice" again. We missed you. and I hope like heck you get all your parts in normal working order soon. Bring you back with the paddles? Oh my gosh, that's awful? amazing? I'm just glad you are still here. God Bless and lots of love from Chapman Acres, Karen

Hey, Di, sounds good. At Dave's appointment, if the reason for doing something (or not doing something) isn't obvious I always ask why. The onco doc at times seems a bit annoyed so then I call him on it - "is this an annoying question" or whatever, and then he grins and answers. anyway, sounds like you made some good moves opening the discussion up and understanding what she's thinking. I'm glad. by the way, how was the parking/traffic situation this time? I'm guessing better, maybe that helped mitigate your frustration levels? We waited 2.5 hours to see the neurosurgeon Monday. We've never waited less than an hour to see that man, so this time I brought along the portable DVD player and a movie, along with headphones. Best thing I ever did, been wanting to see this movie for a long time! (When the Clouds Roll By, the life story of Jerome Kern, the composer or Show Boat). OK, I ramble, just glad to hear you've got aomse answers and had great discussions. And by the way, I'd really like to see you cured! Karen

Oh, I think it's cool that you did all of those things. especially calling the stepdaughter to come give you a break. that's great. Hang in there, Beth, and get those check ups. One thing I try to do, even if I'm not getting manicures, hair appts. or massages, is to stay in touch with my healthcare providers and get checked on. You know, my family doc found a Stage II melanoma right after Dave was diagnosed, because I went to her and asked her to check me over because I felt so tired, and she found the melanoma. If you feel better already, I'm betting you don't have depression. If you did, those things probably wouldn't help much. Karen

Di, I think you do need Beth's mother. Trust me, I know her. What a mess. I am really curious to see what happens today. Beth is on her third onco doc, and with her the third seems to be the right one. We got lucky with ours. So lucky when my mom got diagnosed we immediately hooked her up with him. Keep us posted, Karen

P.S. Beth - sorry to hijack your post! I hope you are feeling better by now. I say what I say because I care about you. God Bless, Karen

We can go on and on and on about the symptoms of depression. I ain't an expert on depression 'cause I have it. I've just been schooled EXTENSIVELY in what to look for so I can nip it in the bud when it starts to rear it's ugly head. Peggy's right. The symptoms are endless. When I had it big time I was borderline suicidal. I was tested and scored for that. Although I had a very keen sense that I was put on earth for NO REASON (thus, the borderline suicidal party) I got up every morning, got dressed, went to work, and did a damn good job at a very difficult and stressful job. So I was functioning. When no one was looking I went into a dark file room and bawled my *ss off for 15 minutes. I was angry and snapped at people. I hated anyone who had chlidren that they gave birth to (this is after a bunch of miscarriages and five years of failed IF treatment). I slept just fine. I didn't drink, and before that I was quite the partier. So I didn't have alot of the classic symptoms, but plenty of others. I'm just saying, like Fay said, if you have a sense that something is not right with yourself, and you have ANY symptom of depression, GO GET CHECKED OUT. Been there, done that. not an expert, but have it drilled into my noggin. No one with lung cancer is an expert at that, but if you had a friend with just one symptom of it, you'd want them to go get it checked out. Karen

Becky. Just saying one symptom of depression is anger. Been there, know that. Lots of people don't realize that anger is a symptom of clinical depression, and in fact, may be the only symptom that is obvious. been there, done that. Karen p.s. and on a personal note, I'm not allowed to get pissed off about anything any more, because, wow, I must be depressed again! let me tell you, it's no fun walking through life unable to have a little bit of fun anger every now and then.

Shellie, that is a nightmare. It's just awful and I'm so sorry and I don't know what else to say. You are a good person, a real angel. Your poor husband, nothing prepares you for losing a parent, not even helping your wife do it. I feel so bad for him. Just know we're all here for you. Hang in there kiddo, Much love, Karen

Wow, no better view from a hospital room window than a dorm! talk about keeping the boredom at bay! Ya'll should take him some binoculars! Tell Frank the Chapmans say Hi and we are thinking of him! God Bless, Karen

Anger IS a symptom of depression. My shrink told me so. You are taking a good first step by going to the family doctor. Now find a good clinical psychologist and get yourself evaluated, and get therapy. It will do you a world of good. Insofar as your feelings of anger towards his family, well, I get that way, too, because YOU are the only one who's every minute of your life is affected by this and will be affected if he doesn't make it. everyone else will go about their daily lives without much change, except for some grief and some missing him. anyway, I think we have ALOT in common and if you will PM me I'll give you my phone number. Take care, I understand, Karen

The cancer counselor sounds like the best thing you've done so far. Sounds like he saw an actual psychiatrist who prescribed the sleeping pills. I don't think psychiatrists (MD's) actually do much to help the person except prescribe meds. I've never seen one myself so I don't know first hand. I see a clinical psychologist, and she will talk to my family doctor and recommend certain meds or bring it to her attention that I might need them (like the xanax recently) but at least she and I talk through stuff, try to find ways to solve problems. And the biggest thing you have to be with any therapist is HONEST. My shrink says she talks to more liars and they're the ones who don't really want to get better. Sorry, lots of stream of thought going on here. He needs the antidepressants for sure, but he also needs to TALK to someone about what's bugging him and making him sit in the recliner all day long. and he needs to be honest with that person and with himself. and you probably should not be in the room. the cancer counselor I would bet has dealt with this same problem many times before. I have moments (week long moments) of depression lately over Dave's cancer, but I must say I am acting extrememly in the opposite direction most of the time - sort of manic. I know it bothers alot of people, but at least I'm functioning, and I hope like heck that your husband is functioning again VERY SOON. Please keep us posted. I really care. and I understand. God Bless, Karen