gail

I've learned (through therapy) to allow myself to worry, and then put it away. I usually can get myself to a point where I can say "Cancer has taken enough time. I am not going to give it another minute until I have to." I just went through this last week. And I can work myself into a tizzy.

You are already doing my suggestion--take an ativan!!! But seriously, we've all been through it. I find what really helps is a very good friend that you can say anything to. I just call her and say "I'm crashing". She knows what it means. Email any one of us, if you don't want to post something. Have you read any Bernie Siegel books? They saved my butt big time. He says, in a nutshell, "Everyone dies. This book is about living. You are either living or your dead". Think about that a moment. And when I get really hyper, I think of all those lost souls on September 11. All those people that said goodbye in the morning and that was it. Whatever my outcome, at least I have time. And as far as the internet and prognosis, many of us would be dead if we listened to those statistics.

I hated going in for chemo and having to go home. You have a good attitude about that. And you golfers--you probably said it was more time for golfing!!! Good news for you!!!

Thank you God. Decided I couldn't survive that near miss at the intersection to have a recurrence. California, here we come.

Us BAC girls need to stick together. We are what--5% of the population? Or is that 5% gets caught early? Who cares!!! Yes, good luck on that scan.

For a time after my diagnosis and surgery, I was a- two- tylenol- PM- a night girl. My internist was worried about it, but I didn't care. I still take them several times a week when I really need to sleep well. Sleep is so important to healing. When I was first diagnosed with cancer in 93, I did not sleep for the entire 6 weeks of radiation. I will not go through that again.

When I had chemo with the breast cancer, I took the ativan (lorazapam) along with the anti-nausea drug. A chemo nurse/friend recommended it to me. She said they gave it in the hospital to those chemo patients, and "they didn't even remember they had chemo". I didn't do this with the first treatment, and I was an emotional wreck. With the last treatment I took it, and told my husband I was going to bed early "but not because I was sick, but because I was stoned". And me, a grown up teacher of kids!!!! And, no, I am not addicted to it, rarely take it, and enjoyed every minute of that last chemo.

Stay on this site. My husband, bless his heart, thinks the same thing, but I know what I need. I need to be able to reach out when I need to, and writing helps. This site is my journal. Breakdowns happen, and let them happen.

Hey Deb, your post reminded me of why I've been in therapy for two years. Wtith the third diagnosis, I needed extra help on living with cancer as the world continues to evolve. And it does help. I've learned to "compartmentalize." Sometimes cancer comes out of its room, but then it goes back in and I close the door for a while. The door is open right now. Had a CAT scan on Wednesday, and decided that since some people are being restaged right now, why should I be any different? When I woke Friday, I couldn't decide whether to get results Friday afternoon, and possibly ruin Father's Day, or wait until Monday. I went into school and talked with my very best friend about the options I had. As I gave them to her, I realized it wasn't about Father's Day, it was about me, and what I needed. If I was getting bad news, I would want the weekend to sit quietly with it. So I was calling from school, and she would be there waiting. At lunch I was explaining this to my friends, left the room and thought, "I can't believe I am calmly discussing this, like people would discuss shopping" I could only imagine the conversation when I left the room. Turned out it was way too hot to stay. (No AC thank you). I went home and called from the car, leaving a message. By the time I got home, they had called back, saying results were not in. All that thinking, and yes, worrying, and it was taken right out of my hands. Sign from God. Cancer is real, and people have to realize that stuff is going on. For me it is cancer, for someone else, it is something else. I feel good when I speak openly about it. People around me are starting to share their lives as well. After watching the US Open, and Tom Watson's caddy (ALS), I thought good--people are seeing and talking about it, and going to a more personal level. Today is a beautiful day, and I am putting cancer back in it's room, and closing the door. You hug those kids today. Post a picture of them !!!!

Good for you guys !!! Keep up the good work. When my edipural was removed, they had me on a morphine pump, then a demoral pump, I think, although I was pretty much in happy land. I was afraid to use the pump at first, because I feared addiction, but the surgeon told me to so I would clear my lungs. One day at a time.

Ray, where are you going for treatment? We are close neighbors, you realize. I really liked meditation tapes prior to chemo. gail

Thanks for the update, and I guess there were some mixed emotions going on. Good for the doctors for continuing. Good for him for sitting up and wanting his phone. Good for you for being you.

You guys are awesome!!! Keep up the fight. God Bless

When I was facing a mastectomy, my mother said "It's just a breast, it's not like it's an arm or a leg". Now, I knew what she meant, but . . .

Great news for you! My CAT scan is tomorrow, so maybe June can be a happy month for us locals.

I think of my husband when I read your posts. Every illness he had a "moment", and after 10 years of cancers I am able to read them easier, and not take it so personally. I have also learned to turn to others for support as well as Bob. He just wants me well, and I know that. That said, if my dog had done what yours did, I would have popped too . .

Dave, Golf stories: My husband is suing the weather channel for all the rain every weekend. I told him the only people really bothered are the golfers and the boardwalk shop owners. Being a teacher, I am off on the sumer. He commented that if I didn't have the job I did, we could travel more in the winter months. I looked at him calmly and told him if he didn't golf as much as he did, we could travel in the summer months!! I reminded him that 10 weeks in the summer is nothing to complain about. Hemoglobin stories: During my chemo with the breast cancer, I started bleeding internally, and was rushed to the hospital. My hemoglobin stayed in the 7's for a week, and I was 11 days in ICU with 14 blook transfusions. I was trying to be a hero and continue teaching during my chemo. My friends came into my hospital room with a prepared letter the the school board asking for me to go on leave. All I had to do was sign it, and I did. The bleeding stopped as mysteriously as it had started. Five years later the doctors are still puzzled by the whole incident. I tell them very calmly that God stepped in, made me bleed a little, so I became anemic, so I would stay home and take care of ME, then My FAMILY, and not someone else's kids. I was working and going to bed at 7PM, and missing out on my own kid's life. Best 8 weeks I spent at home recouperating. Moral of the story????? You know it: we have to take care of ourselves first in order to help others. HUGS and HUGS gail

I was NSCLC stage 1A, 2 years ago, with the only treatment being surgery. I was and still am being closely followed by the oncologist, and got the xrays and CAT scans on the same schedule. Did you get several opinions? That might help put your mind at ease. I have found my anti-depressents work well also.

Trying to figure out what God was telling me yesterday . . I have always said, through my cancers, that my life could end instantly in a car wreck going to buy milk. Yesterday, I was on my way to school, and my very best friend was right behind me. She is the one I tell my deepest, darkest secrets to. The light turned to a green arrow for me, and I proceeded into the intersection. Out of the corner of my eye, a pickup truck was entering the intersection from my left. I knew if I got hit, it would be very bad, even fatal. I slammed on the brakes, as did the truck. All I was thinking was I can't get in a wreck with Suzanne right behind me. We stopped about 6 feet from each other. I checked the light again, to make sure I hadn't made a mistake, a prodeeded on to school. When I saw my girlfriend at school, she said she had her hand on the phone to call 911. And she thought how I had always said I could be killed in a car wreck, and here it was. Yesterday was Field Day, always a trying time for teachers. (Surprised?) I took it all in stride, because I was not dead. Meanwhile, I was questioning why I had stopped the car, and not rushed through the intersection. She called me later that night to tell me how she couldn't stop thinking about it. I asked her about the stopping, and she said if I hadn't, I would have been T boned for sure. This follows an event from the day before. I heard the interview on Good Morning America with the hiker who had cut off his hand to save himself. When commenting on the risks he took hiking alone, he said exactly the same thing I've been saying for years..."I could be killed going to the grocery store for milk." Too weird for me. A neighbor up the street died this week, and the funeral was today. The entire funeral procession drove past her house on the way to the cemetery. I think God wants me to get up and get moving, rain and all.

You two are a fabulous couple. We all learn a lot from you, and wish you well.

Hooray for you!! We cannot help others unless we take care of ourselves first. I learned that the hard way.

Ginny- Great news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 I think a road trip to the shore, at least for the day! And no, no siblings for this teenager . . .WAY past that.

June 25th is our 20th wedding anniversary. For our 10th, I was in the midst of radiation treatment for my breast cancer. We just booked a week long trip to California in August to attend a wedding, but we are extending the trip and just hitting the road. Just the two of us. The teenager is staying home. Won't think about the cost--we deserve this. PS CAT scan is next week. Just have to get past that.

While waiting for the second breast cancer surgery, I was working up to the day before. I lived on valuim for the 3 weeks prior. I cut the pill down to 1/4 of the prescription, but it definitely took the edge off. A principal came up to me and asked me how I was doing. I got tears in my eyes and said "okay". He got upset when he saw me cry, and apologized. I said, "It's okay, my valuim is just wearing off"

As a Stage 1A, NSCLC, I will tell you I'm still seeing the oncologist after 2 years!!! I am at 4 month intervals instead of 2, but he was insistent on being followed at a regular interval.