gerbil runner

My mother, Claire (bellringer), passed away today at 12:40 pm. She was at home, where she wanted to be. My dad, her sister, and I were all with her when she died. She passed peacefully and without pain. Yesterday was my parents' 39th wedding anniversary. We had several friends and family members up to visit, which she always loved. I think she really wanted to make it to her anniversary. We are heartbroken, yet glad her ordeal is finally over. Thank you all for your prayers. I'll post a link to her obituary when it's finalized.

My mom lost all her hair, but it grew back. She also had a bit of hearing loss in one ear, and what looked like a sunburn. All these issues cleared up pretty quickly. Mom was never crazy about her wigs, either. Scarves and bandanas worked better for her. Wigs can be scratchy for those without hair, and they are HOT. Try www.headcovers.com for some ideas on wigs and alternatives. Good Luck!

Beth, I'm so sorry Bill's passing was so difficult. My thoughts are with you.

Leslie, I know I'm late here, but you can certainly beat this. My mom had WBR, and it wasn't that big a deal. Short-term memory problems, but not bad at all. And she STILL has all her personality. Gamma knife could also be used if some of those mets are too stubborn for WBR. Mom had gamma knife for regrowth. And don't let her story faze you - sclc moves much faster. Your cancer has been easily controlled up to now, so hopefully the WBR will fry the boogers into oblivion.

Beth, I'm so sorry. Prayers for you and your family.

Yikes. Prayers going out for you and your mom.

Amen. Please, God, remove Bill's pain quickly and completely.

Wow. This is tough, no doubt about it. But sclc is very responsive to radiation, and with so many brain mets, WBR is about the only choice. My mom did quite well with it. Prayers that this will only be a bump on a very long (and much smoother) road.

Lori, there was actually a time early in our journey that we thought we were going to lose Mom without a chance to talk. She had a bronchoscopy to get a biopsy of the lung tumor, and she started to bleed. She was put on a ventilator, and at first the doctors thought she would die from the bleeding. My dad freaked out - he had no idea whether Mom would want to be cremated or buried, where she would want to be buried, nothing of that sort. But after being married for so long, I gently reminded him that he knew quite well that Mom had always said that funerals and cemeteries were really for the living, not the dead. And that whatever he did in his love for her would be just fine, in her opinion. So if worse comes to worst, you will be able to make decisions your Mom could accept. That being said, there may never be a "perfect" time to bring it up. Try telling her, "I know you're fighting hard and doing well, but I want to be able to do my best for you. If you suddenly couldn't talk to us, because of a stroke or brain met, what would you want us to know? I don't want to guess what you consider most important. You don't have to tell me right now, just think about it, please. It would be one less thing for me to worry about. I'd do anything you'd want, but I worry you might not be able to tell me." Maybe you could offer your ideas on what you would want for yourself. After all, you drive to visit her, and that's risky business (think of Snowflake's beer truck). I ran that by my Mom after WBR for her brain mets had brought her personality back. And it was awhile before she was ready to talk, but it made her able to think of it in terms of taking worry away from others, rather than admitting the end was near. She hasn't said she knows she is dying, so we don't tell her she's dying, but since the bases are covered, it's ok. I pray you will find the answers you need, and then not need them for a very long time.

Karen, I so hear you on the "last" problems. Our Thanksgiving dinner was held in my parent's bedroom. It was bittersweet, but there's still that sweet part in there. Get your mom to talk to you as much as possible. If she's willing, get her to star on that camcorder for Faith. Spoil your mom in every way you can think of (did you know some restaurants will do up a baked stuffed lobster to go?). Desserts should be a main food group right now. Think of this time as a way to wrap up your mom's life here. A "going away" party. We never enjoy someone going away, but those parties help us remember to get the most out of the remaining time. If you haven't read the material already, the "Crossing the Creek" site offers a few publications. He has 2 others, "Transitions" and "Dying to Know" which are more about the spiritual work of moving on to eternal life. Worth paying for, IMHO. I hope you have a beautiful Christmas with your family, one which will supply terrific memories for years to come.

I'm so sorry to hear what Tom and your FIL are facing. Prayers for all of you. And extra prayers that God will give your daughter the shake she needs to get back on track. How painful it must be for you...please take care of yourself.

Your attitude certainly counts for a lot! Here's to more amazed and happy doctor reports, and many more "lucky ba$tard" years.

I'm very, very happy for you and your family. Thanks for sharing your good news.

My dh, Bob; 1. Loves me as I am 2. Loves life, kids, and laughter 3. Knows how to conquer adversity, how to re-invent whatever needs to be changed. He may not be perfect, but he's perfect for me!

Prayers for Beth and Bill and Brian and Pat...may there be no pain. Bellringer is also in her last few days.

After a mostly successful battle over the past 2 years, my mother is now dying of SCLC due to the brain mets. Despite our sorrow, my dad and I are doing okay. Just want to take a few moments and pass on what is helping us. We have always looked for the most aggressive treatment, and researched all the options given us. So there is no regret about how treatment could have been done differently. We have encouraged Mom to do everything she wants. We have looked at every major holiday as a potential "last chance" in terms of effort put into the quality. We have held onto hope. What we hope for has changed, but we still feel hope. We have insisted on testing for problems other than cancer which can threaten life (which saved Mom's life in April). It's very hard to think of "final arrangements" and what is expected afterwards. Because my mother was initially diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and not expected to live more than a few weeks, we had to sort out feelings on what Mom wants family members to have from her belongings, and how she feels about Dad keeping his hobbies and moving on after she is gone. The one piece of advice I would give anyone who asked is, make as many "final" decisions as you can as soon as you can. Get it out of the way so you can get on with living the rest of your life. Dying is hard enough to witness without worrying about carrying out your loved one's wishes. We are fortunate. Mom is home and comfortable. We feel no need to pester her with questions. My dad keeps his rehearsals and concerts, knowing it's what Mom would want. So we concentrate on keeping Mom company, on remembering the here and now. We don't get everything right, and we still want Mom to recover and stay with us another 20 years, but it will be okay. My dad and I have tried to educate ourselves about "end of life" scenarios, so we feel less fear and uncertainty in caring for Mom. Learning what symptoms come at the end of life help keep us from watching every breath and wondering if it's her last. We'd rather chat with her than count her respirations. Ignorance is not bliss. We all die, and there are matters which to which we should attend before that time. Get your homework done so you don't have to think about it when you go out to play. That's not giving up hope - it's just finishing your taxes before April 15th. We'll never really be "ready" to say goodbye, but Dad and I will know we've done everything for Mom that she has wanted. It helps.

Maybe the right thing to do is whatever you would do if cancer weren't in the picture. We all want to "take care" of those who are ill, and not stress them, but sometimes (especially if it's a mom) it hurts them more to feel we treat them differently. Believing in one's strength and normalcy can be just as important as stess levels. If your loved one feels you made the wrong choice, apologize and move on. We are all just doing the best we can.

The real tragedy here, IMHO, is that the risks are not fully explained by so many doctors. For some patients, the decision is 99.9% chance of death soon by disease or 50% chance of incapacitaion/early death due to WBR. Many patients would make the same treatment decision, but with a more appropriate frame of mind. And it seems WBR should be a treatment of last resort. My mother turned down PCI due to the risks. She is now dying of brain mets. But if she had had PCI, we all strongly believe the infection she suffered last December would have killed her due to a weakened body. Without a crystal ball, it is impossible to know which option is best. But everyone deserves to know the risks involved, even if WBR is the only option available. Ignorance is not bliss.

Sounds like a dr. change might be needed. Or (assuming this is what Ron wants) just talk bluntly to the dr. "Treatment MAY kill, but the disease will CERATINLY kill. I'll go with my boots on, thank you. Or maybe I'll get lucky and the cancer will die first." I firmly believe that a patient who has the pertinent information is the only one with the right to decide. And it doesn't matter if the decision is no treatment, every chemo available, or travelling for snake oil.

Hang in there. Praying that your doctors will be absolutely correct in finding nothing of concern. May your insurance company be royally pi$$ed off at all this fuss over nothing.

Lillian, you are stronger than you think. Despite the pain you feel now, you "have" Johnny in your mind and your memory. And I believe we are eternal spiritual beings. If you can accept that you are an eternal spiritual being, and so is Johnny, then you can hold on to the knowledge that your spirits will reunite, never to be separated again. And in the vastness of eternity, your separation now will seem very small. Think of your time here on earth as being a missionary to those who need love and guidance during difficult days as physical beings on earth. Other people need you, and that's why you must wait to rejoin your true love.

Sounds like what you have is a really bad combination...stepdad and brother who have problems with emotions, and decadron which is wreaking havoc with your mom's emotions. Go to your mom. Put her first. Think of what you might think of these times 10 years from now. Will you think "Why on earth did I disrupt my kids' plans" or "I'm glad I did what I could, even if it wasn't perfect". Explain to your kids that love means giving first to those who need the most. Could they come with you (even if they only stay part of the time) to make a special day with Grandma? Could you bring your mom to your house to decorate the tree? You can still hope for many years with your mom, but consider "What if this is her last Christmas?" Maybe you could give your kids the "gift" of a late night up to do your tree, after you spend the day with your mom. You can't "fix" the problems your stepdad and brother have with dealing with your mom's illness. You can't change how medication, illness and fear affect your mom. But you CAN try to make the best day possible for your mom, and in the end, it may be enough for you both. I know it's tough. My mother spent the last two Christmases in the hospital (once for a bad chemo reaction, once for an infection which nearly killed her). Now, she will probably not live to see Christmas. So my dad, my family and I have to do the best we can to love Mom, include her in our Christmas, and leave ourselves a way to be able to celebrate next year without feeling we should have done something differently. Prayers for you all.

BWHA HA HA HA!!! Love it!

One of the few I could not "see it coming". Love it!

When it comes to deciding between aggressive treatment and palliative treatment, there is NO right or wrong decision. There is only the PATIENT'S decision. Wishing you strength and peace (and duct tape for flapping mouths).