Elaine
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Posts posted by Elaine
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Cat,
Now that you know that a toolbox is what is needed, get some rest and tomorrow you can start building a plan.
I ditto all of you.
elaine
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Just wondering after reading this if the nonsmoking women on this board who have lc are also tall, as the article says that tall women are more at risk.
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Jack.
Say what?????? What kind of policy is that? I dont understand any of this crazy rigamarole.
I thought they took effusion from Cherly, too. Cant they use that.
Anyway, I am thinking of you both and yes, I am kind of mad at the governmet for having a crazy rule like that.
elaine
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You are right Cat, we are invisible.
elaine
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Lots of options Cat.
elaine
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TANN
Oh thank God!!!
elaine
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She is in Florida. That's all I know.
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Fay
Obviously this woman of whom you speak didn't know you and maybe even worse didn't even know your cancer.
Continue living well.
elaine
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Larry
I bet I can give you one good reason why your onc didn't go with this first.... They aren't exactly up to date around here. Hate to tell you, but it's true.....
elaine
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David
Ok, you have us all behind you, and if you need to hand out any bonkitis of your own, let Becky or Fay know, lol.
I soooooo didn't want to hear this news. Dang, dang, and double dang.
Sending you a ton of fortitude.
elaine
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Ditto ditto
Starting sound like ditto heads.... Is Rush Limgaugh lurking?
elaine
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I agree, Fay. but what should she can she do about her HMO status?
Also, IF they are doing this because they fear a lawsuit, I don't think so...I doubt they could be held accountable for misreading a tumor pathology in something as ethereal as cancer cells sometimes are. However, IF they are doing some fraud to try to cover up a human error out of pride or male ego, then maybe...we should form a posse after them....
I say they are doing it out of pride, if anything. Mostly I think they, like most mediocre doctors in out of the way places like where I live and where Cat lives, have small minds and big egos.
elaine
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Becky
You have every right to be angry with your dad. It's just what you do with or about that anger that matters.
elaine
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I also want to add this to my above post. I come from a family of "yellers' on one side and "tight lips" on the other.
I have seen it all. I do both. Lots less the older I get, especially the yelling.
My husband? He yells. I don't know where he got it. ... Other than he's a man.... When he yells, I stop listening, a common reaction to yelling, lol.
All family dynamics differ, I know, so that's just my penny's worth on displaying anger.
elaine
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Ok
While I was posting my post, Cat posted another post that I just now saw.(Don't ya hate when that happens?)
I stand by my previous post, however, and also want to join in Shellie's latest....
Talk about anger.... There are lots of places that deserve anger....
I rant about them all the time: the medical profession, our govt for supporting the sale of cigerettes, the drug companies etc etc.
No one really listens, though.. No one replies much. Mostly because we have been "trained" to behave like sheep....
Can you tell I am really mad now???
And another thing, Cat.... You say this "could explain a feeling you got"....
Feelings you get are not facts that you are receiving..they are feelings you are having. You need more direct answers, which is why I asked if there was anyone who could speak to your Drs for you. You can't make any informed decision without the facts. That's a fact, (I think!).
elaine
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I hear you all, loud and clear, but .....
Anger is not a helpful emotion to be displaying toward a loved one whom you care about. It will not get someone to stop smoking or to eat properly. It won't. Ranting and raving at anyone is not going to amount to a hill of beans. It just hurts.
Nor will keeping it all locked up--that will lead to unhealthy silence.
Soooooooo , what's the answer?......you all need to find it for yourselves, as do I. I just know that neither displayed anger (in unhealthy ways) nor tight lips will do a dang bit of good and will only hurt all involved in the long run.
Counseling and looking inside deeply.....That is why I never suggest beating those monsters with clubs..... Those monsters have things to say, and we best listen to them...
There's an old lesson in one of the Godfather movies: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer..... That's what I have to say about the monsters in the basement. You may think you scared them off, but they are surely going to find away around your club and come out somewhere else.
Ok, now I am way down in the hole........
elaine
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Cat
Wait one minute please! What the heck is going on? Last week the consensus from your scan was that it may not be cancer at all-- scar tissue etc. Are you sure the surgeon said it was CANCER wrapped here and there? Or just some "stuff" wrapped here and there? Do you have anyone who you can trust to talk with your doctors? Do your doctors even talk to each other?
I don't think you have ANY answers right now. Just the same confusion that you had before, which is "What is the stuff in my lungs?" Maybe the answer you do have is that that surgeon isn't going to be taking the stuff out. You know no more than that.
So.... who is the new onc, and when do you see him or her?????
elaine
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I said it before in Aki's post. I dont see the post as being unduly self-centered. However, Aki is not talking to her mom and that's got to be painful to both of them, which is why I wondered if she might get some counseling. I didn't mean to be harsh, at all. I think she is afraid and may regret not being closer to her mom. It's just hard to know the nature of their relationship before the DX. So none of us can really offer true advice.
Natalie: I don't think she necessarily has to cry etc in front ofher mom all the time, but not talking at all seems to be a problem for her and her mom, I'm sure.
Anwway, thanks for coming in the hole with us.
elaine
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Fay
I think a lot of fear comes off as anger or ambivalence. Just my experience. Fear often builds walls around people, like fear of committment. etc. Men often express fear with anger. (Anger is about the only emotion that men have been culturally "allowed" until recently.)
I seem to follow people into a lot of holes. I hope my being in the hole can help someone else, though.
Dang, someone send Fay and I some shovels.
Becky the almighty Snowflake, are you going to get in the hole with us?????
elaine
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Actually and honestly I have been sitting here just now rethinking my post to AKi. I have been thinking the exact same thing: Is "anger"a "normal" feeling given the circumstance? I say now, no it is not normal, certainly not logical (but what feelings are?) and certainly not healthy. But does it happen, espcially with cancer, and especially lc, I say, probably.
I thought back and asked myself: Was I angry at my mom for being so sick in the months before she died? Not at all. Was I scared.? Yes, I was. Did I withdraw from her? Yes, I did. Did she do the same? Yes, she did.
It was not anger, that drove me to be wary. I was scared. Very scared. This was in the 1960s when for some strange reason no one thought children were people, just unaware children. Not the case. I can remember verbatim thoughts I had, and I was "aware."
I knew much more than those around me thought. In a way, they were self-centered too, as they obviously weren't looking very closely at how I was doing through that time.
Do I blame them? No, so much was going on. I can tell you what I was afraid of: I was afraid to face the truth. I "knew" my mom was dying; I overheard a conversation. But I was afraid to hear it from her lips toward me. It gave me hope and it helped keep me in denial, I guess. Though denial was a fleeting thing, daily.
Was I ever angry at my mom for dying? No. God? Yes. I was an angry pre-teen and adolescent at times--not at my mom but at the circumstance.
As an adult I have never been angry at my mom for dying. Or at anyone, for that matter for dying or being ill.
My father was ill for many years. Again I was not angry. Scared at times, espeically until I was on my own because I was afraid we would be parentless.
About a month ago, I was doing a search for some thing or another and stumbled on a forum for copd. It was made up of all caregivers. I could not believe the amount of anger that shone through the posts. And blame. And self centeredness. One post I remember has something to do with the caregiver (a daughter) being so mad at her mom for having copd and for having smoked. Mad because the caregiver feared she, too, would get some lung disease.
These were mostly middleaged caregivers of parents in their late 60s to 80s. I almost didn't come back to this site because I was just certain that the caregivers here felt similatly but didnt' share it because there were so many patients on this board.
In a nutshell, I don't know if anger is "normal"--and I don't think Aki's message showed anger. I think it showed fear.
love
elaine
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Fay
Have you been reading my report cards. Most say I was too busy "visiting my neighbors". Often I was placed where there were no "neighbors", which ended up being a good thing because it taught me to talk to myself, which having spent many years alone, was a skill that came in handy.
elaine
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I like it Andrea. It's got heart and your humor and lessons learned. A nice combo.
elaine
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July 5 2004
in HOPE
You are an inspiration
elaine
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Ginny
I cant say anything that others have not expressed so well. You are right that you do need some help, and if hospice isn't enough then I pray you have the ability to have more help brought in.
elaine
New hope for lung cancer patients on the horizon
in LUNG CANCER IN THE NEWS
Posted
Thanks Rich.
This article is long, but I urge people to read it to the end because there are lots of good quotes in it about the stigma.
elaine