Melinda

MJ-- Oh--I am so sorry to read that your momm is in the hospital; I know how scary that fact alone can be. I hope she is able to come home soon!!! You all are in our thoughts and prayers. Melinda

(((FAY))) Sometimes what we see out these in the world IS enough to really bring us down. Then, something happens when we are really put to a test and the wonderful side of human nature that seemed to have vanished becomes omni-present (and all the unostentatious people who are striving to live a good life seem to show up and step up to the plate). Does that mean that there are people out there who haven't been warped for one tragic reason or another--and behave accordingly? No. I feel sad for them (even Cheryl's boss; Karen and David C's adoption liason; etc.). When New York's twin towers came down, I worked at Ground Zero for 9 months and was amazed and uplifted in one of the saddest places by all the wonderful people I met down there (many of whom I never would have met, because we live such parallel lives in such a large metropolis). I saw people in such pain be so strong; I saw countless people give selflessly of themselves to and for complete strangers--not to mention principle (long after the events of that day were in the headlines) day after day, week after week, month after month. Some people came by the droves for photo-opts in the beginning--but (the vast majority of them) did not stick around the foxhole. All types of people, though (all races, all socio-economic classes, all genders, all religions, and of all political persuasions) came together and worked side by side relentlessly. Bonds were formed--and "family" we became. I truly love them--and believe that this emotion is reciprocated (although some of them are such tough guys, they might not articulate it that way three years later. But, yet, they might--I wouldn't put ANYTHING past them. They never cease to amaze me.) Many of them still "look out" for me on a daily basis. In short, I would be lost without them. I guess my point is--NYC is a reflection of all of it--both good and bad--in a way. I love my hometown--but am increasingly upset by the way that many people are driven by the pursuit of the All-Mightly Dollar, fame, and power (all of which are frquently quite fleeting). Some quadrants of my beloved city have become not just gauche, but truly disturbing. (To the point that Geoff and I used to talk about how the modern day "Bread and Circuses" are funded by tax-dollars and maybe we should move to New Zealand to escape before the barbarians hit the gates). As a teacher, I see the culture reflected in my students at times, and it makes me go home and cry. Then--the next day--they will do something wonderful that makes my heart sing for years. As a teacher--I KNOW that one person CAN make a difference one person at a time. Otherwise I would change professions and select something that didn't make me work as hard and actually paid me something. And Fay--regradless of whether the barbarians are rattling their spears at the gates yet, or not--YOU have made a tremendous difference in so many people's lives here (in cyber space, of all places). I know that Geoff and I have been touched profoundly by you in many ways (the way you face your battles, your sage advice, and your tremendous intellectual ability that is only dwarfed by your HUGE heart.). I'm sorry we don't say "Thank you." more often. I am sorry that you are so discouraged right now. But for all the envy, anger, and hate that is so readily seen--there is an equal, if not far superior, amount of respect, love, and a sense of duty out there. We love you. Fondly, Melinda (and Geoff)

(((RICH))) I am so extremely sorry... (Thanks, Elaine, for compensating for my being such an unobservant dunderhead!) We will be thinking of you on the 27th during your visit with the onc. Please let us know how it goes, if you are up to it. Regardless, please know that we are all pulling for you and that we care!!! Melinda

Don-- Thanks, as always, for the sound advice and CONGRATULATIONS! We have work to do on the first part... Melinda and Geoff

(((SHARYN))) I have been wondering how you and your dad were doing... I am so sorry that all of this is hitting you at once. It is truly overwhelming... I will PM you when I have a chance--I just wanted to let you know that you and your entire family is in our thoughts and prayers. Melinda

Dear all, Thank you so much. I don't know what I would do without this board... We're taking things one day at a time. Geoff is able to sleep at night (I'm the one who can't; a complete reversal of roles ); I am truly grateful for that blessing. Lord knows, he needs his rest. Geoff's mom will start Iressa tomorrow. Please keep your fingers crossed that it helps her. Thanks. Melinda

Tami-- How are you? I'm sure I speak for the others when I say that we have not forgotten you!!! Please let us know how you are doing. Melinda

Yippeee!!!

Ray-- Sounds like great news. Listen to Nina and ease back into things. Great to have you back!!! Melinda

A belated but heartfelt--we love Snowflake, too! Melinda and Geoff

Thanks, Hebbie-- As you know this is a topic that I am particularly interested in, as Geoff and I have a hunch that unsafe cleaners may have played a role in his mom's development of LC. Recently I have been pondering buying a "steam cleaner" (I think gerbil runner has one and loves it). I have my eye on a "Shark Steam blaster" that does everything from sinks to floors to toilets bowls to windows (without ANY chemicals). Does anyone else out there use steam cleaners? I would love to hear more... Melinda

Dear all, FYI I just learned that this study will be commencing in New Jersey this fall (2004). Melinda

Beth-- So glad you are home. Guess your hair follicles really didn't like the hospital dirt! I love the fact that you and your husband could laugh together and turn it into a memorable event. Three cheers for "head fuzz! Thanks for bringing a smile to my face this morning. Melinda

I'm not starting yet (heck--I need to manage to get married in Feb.!)--but what a wealth of knowledge and support you all are on ALL fronts. "Mucus", Ry? The things I don't know (and don't even know to ask about!) about my own body... I LOVE YOU GUYS. Melinda

Norme, So glad to read your post--and understand fully how you can be at a loss for words. I am quite the chatterbox and have found myself writing stilted, forced posts that do not adequately represent all that I feel for everyone these days. Just glad to know that you are still lurking--your presence is always felt. Please know how much we do love and cherish you--and don't forget that Geoff and I are going to come on over to KY one of these days to visit and swap computer tricks! Melinda

Thanks, Christina. Melinda

Thank you, Elaine. Melinda

Dear all, My dearest Geoff and his mom need all the prayers they can get right now--and I don't know a better group to turn to for help. I love him so much--and I don't know how else to help him... If you have a second to spare and can say a prayer for him, his mom, Anna, and his family--I would be so grateful. Sincerely, Melinda

Please accept our sincere condolences. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Melinda and Geoff

Please accept our sincere condolences. Melinda and Geoff

Charlotte, I am truly sorry to read that you, too, have come to this place. It's heartwrenching, I know. May you find a hospice that meets your every need; may your dear husband be lucid yet free of pain; may you and your family be left free of other troubles so that you may enjoy every day that you have together. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Melinda

Dear all, This is a strange question. I am a caretaker. I am also a caretaker of a caretaker (Geoff). Is it posible to grieve not only for the patient--but for a caretaker (Geoff)--as you watch them go through this horrible process? Is there anything one can do to help someone through this process? Greiving, myself, I am afraid may only compound his grief--and that is the last thing I want to do. I feel--AM--so helpless. I hate this disease. Melinda

Dear all, Geoff's family is considering taking his mom back up to New Hampshire and are trying to find out information on the hospice care up there. They live right outside North Conway, NH--near the border with Maine. If anyone has any insight or advice, it would be greatly apprecaited. I will be surfing the internet in the meantime. Thanks. Melinda

Thanks, Becky-- I really needed to read that right now... Melinda

Tami-- Ditto to those above, although I know it must be hard to hear. I, too, was a workaholic who had to COMPLETELY rearrange my life--and I was not the one with cancer (nor did I have children). Stress DOES lower your immune system--and the kind of stress you are putting yourself under is truly untenable. It is not a matter of whether you will crash and burn, but when, how, and how badly. Not only can you not afford to get mono--you can not afford to let your immune system get run down to the point that your body is unable to fend off a more difficult illness to beat. You've already fought -- and WON -- that battle before!!! I'm sure you love your new husband very much, and I'm sure he does you--as, well. But if you continue to run yourself into the ground... YOU MUST PUT YOURSELF FIRST--or you will not be able to be there for either your husband or your children. It's like they tell you before take-off on an airplane--in the event of needing oxygen (being in a very difficult situation where you need help--like it or not), please put on YOUR OWN MASK BEFORE you attempt to put masks on your children or loved ones. If you are not able to function--you will not be able to put on their masks (give them the help they need)--and ALL will suffer. Maybe try using this metaphor with your husband--so that he can see the practical side of it--and not feel attacked. I'm sure your husband wants to help---it's just a matter of trying to figure out how he is best able to (we all have our strengths and weaknesses, after all--and he has many years of certain habits that will be hard to break). Please keep us posted and feel free to vent any time. That's why we are here. Melinda