Carleen,
I read your words and wish I had the answers or the wisdom to help you. What you are going through is so very hard. I know and I can relate. Trying to dwell on the positive and good things , even though it's hard sometimes, is what will get you through this. Remember, we care about you and are always here to listen. It's good to let out those feelings. Take care and God be with you and Keith.
Love,
Sue