kimblanchard Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Today is seven months. On the one hand, it seems like forever, and on the other, it seems like yesterday. As I was falling asleep last night, I would have sworn I could smell her in bed beside me. I know it can only be a memory; she never lived in this house. I think we are doing pretty well. Surely we are doing better than I would have ever predicted. Katie continues to be such a monument to Becky; she is so much bigger than she was and can do so many more things. It is fun to see her adopt mannerisms of Becky doing things she couldn't do when Becky was alive. So I know those memories are real. This weekend is going to be hard. It is our ten year reunion at Trinity, and we are dedicating the scholarship in her honor on Saturday. All of our families will be here, which is so nice. But it will mean being pulled in several directions at once. Becky's family has always refused any kind of integration with mine. It is frustrating, and it is hurtful, but it is, so I have no choice but to deal with it. We will be seeing Becky's dad for the first time since Father's Day, which is so sad because they live less than 200 miles away. I have some great stories ready to tell of meeting Becky at Trinity this weekend, causing her GPA to plummet and actually getting her in trouble in class. One thing that has happened in the last seven months is that I am now basically fully functional with tears in my eyes. I can talk in a normal voice, type, take notes, drive, whatever. I guess it is necessary because I surely haven't made it through a day yet without them. I wish so badly that Saturday it would be her summarizing our lives together rather than me; the world would be a lot better off if our places were switched. That's a thought I have often. I try not to dwell on that, but this weekend is making it harder for me. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this weekend. Curtis Quote
J.C. Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Curtis, Will be sending good vibes your way all week end. Hang on, you are doing well with Katie and that is the most important thing at the moment. Prayers also. J.C. Quote
Snowflake Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 I wish so badly that Saturday it would be her summarizing our lives together rather than me; the world would be a lot better off if our places were switched. That's a thought I have often. I try not to dwell on that, but this weekend is making it harder for me. Curtis, Don't dwell on this. How would the world have been better off? Katie still would have lost a parent, the two families would still not be integrated...and WHAT makes you think Becky would be any better off without you than you are without her?? EITHER scenario sucks, and there really is nothing you can do to change it. I really don't think Becky would have switched places with you were she able to - how would she live with that guilt?? Your threesome is always in my heart, Curtis. This, too, shall pass - just work through it. xxoo, Becky Quote
cathy Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Curtis, Its going to be bittersweet for you..Sending positve thoughts your way and hope its not too overwhelming...What a beautiful tribute to Becky... Quote
Debi Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Curtis, What a great honor and testament to Becky to have this scholarship in her name... I'm sure we will all be with you in spirit this weekend. If you go out anywhere to eat, ask for a table for 1500, we'll be hungry... Quote
babesdaughter Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Just throwing out postive thoughts and prayers for you.......your love will live forever and this is a wonderful thing. Quote
JoniRobertWilson Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Curtis, Just carry Becky with you in your heart and honor her. You will be keeping her alive in everyone's hearts. You're doing a wonderful thing. Becky will be proud. Quote
kim Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Curtis, My Dad has said the same thing. Why couldn't it have been me instead of her, he says. God takes us when he wants us, and not before. Hang in there! Prayers that you get through this weekend okay. Quote
gail Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Such beautiful words you have written. I will send warm thoughts your way this weekend. Becky will be there with you. gail Quote
mirrell Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 curtis, although this weekend will be difficult, i know that becky will be there with you, and hopefully it will be another step on your healing journey. lots of love and positive energy flowing your way. mirrell Quote
kdaru Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 God does what He does, sometimes we have no idea why. Prayers for you and your daughter this weekend. Katie Quote
stephnewyork34 Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 Hi Curtis, Sorry to hear how sad you are, but I understand. it was 7 months for my Mom the other day and it is a weird time in this grievin gprocess for sure. I agree with the others, there is a plan, I don't know if it is God or who, but I believe that katie is lucky to have you, but I know how you feel. I wish it had been me instead of my Mom. It would have made more sense. I am single, no kids, no husband. She had kids, a husband etc who are all suffering for her death, but you know there is a plan, and I do believe everything happens for a reason, even the terrible losses we deal with in life. I love the idea of a scholarship in her name, and think it is a great way to remember her. My thoughts and prayers are with you this weekend- hugs always and hang in there, Steph Quote
Pam Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 Good luck to you this weekend - and I know how you feel about being fully functional with tears....I haven't had more than a day or two without tears for a year now. I don't think we ever get over this - I think we just get accustomed to living with the pain. Quote
BeckyCW Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 Curtis, the scholarship sounds like a lovely tribute to Becky, and I know everyone there will be moved by your stories and your obvious love for her. I pray you will have a good weekend and that the family and friends there will move closer together around you and Katie. BeckyCW Quote
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