bronbear Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Having a pretty good pity party for myself today and thought I could just get it out here. My dad had the laser surgery on Friday to remove part of the tumor that has grown into his windpipe. Before the surgery, the surgeon came out and told us that the surgery was quite risky and that he could die from it but that the alternative was that he would die without it in a very short time. That was hard to hear. I just kept sitting there thinking - is this it for my dad? I prayed so hard for him to get through it and he did. He seemed to feel a little better for a few days, but now he is having trouble with his breathing again. Now the surgeon says he may have to have another surgery and they may need to go deeper. I don't know if my dad is strong enough for this. He has fought so hard and been through so much. He doesn't deserve this. At what point do I start to feel selfish for wanting my dad to keep doing everything he can to stay with us instead of leaving us? Sorry for complaining, but it's been a bad few days. Thanks for listening. Bronwen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Your post made me really teary eyed. My heart goes out to you and the position you're in right now. The fact that your dad made it through the first surgery is very good. I know you are very worried right now and when we worry, we always seem to think of the very worst that coupld possibly happen. Right now, try and take a few deep breaths and think about what the situation really is right now. At this point, you don't know for sure if your dad will need additional surgery. I will certainly be praying that he doesn't. I know how scared you must be ! Just try and remember that your dad is gathering a lot of strength from you right now. As for feeling selfish, just remember that you are never being selfish when you want what is truly best for your dad. It's perfectly fine to throw a pity party....as long as we are all invited!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronbear Posted August 16, 2005 Author Share Posted August 16, 2005 Thank you Ann for your kind words. You don't know how much I needed to hear those words. God Bless you for taking the time to make me feel a little better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 We're here to support you. Vent anytime you want to. I'll keep your Dad and you in my prayers. Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Prayers for you and Dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilliBr1 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Keeping your dad in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 It's so horrible to watch folks we love suffer. I'm glad he was strong enough to make it through this recent batch of treatments. I'll pray for strength for both of you in the days to come. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 (((((hug))))) The bad days are so hard, aren't they? I hope this surgery is successful and things continue to be successful with as little wear and tear on your Daddy as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Your post reminds me of how tough this is to go through. Prayers for wisdom from your docs who counsel, your dad and for you. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LynneH Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Watching a loved one have to go through so many types of treatment on their road to better times is heart-wrenching. You are not selfish for wanting your Dad to live - that is testimony to how much you love him. Your Dad will let you know what he wants each step of the way - just hold him tight and go with him in every step he takes. You are his best medicine. Thinking healing thoughts for you and your Dad. Lynne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Hi Bronwen, I am so sorry you are having such hard time. You have every right to feel the way you feel. You love your dad and want him around as much as possible. But lets not jump the gun. He beat this before and he could do this again. Just try a keep a positive attitude going and let him know how much you love him. I will say prayers for him. Keep us update. We are always here for you. I feel so bad for all this weight you are carrying around. I wish I had a way to lighten your load. Please take care Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Thinking of you and your family during this hetic time. We do worry about our parents! Hang in there and be strong for Dad. He is a strong person and will be able to fight this. God bless,Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francesbean Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 ((hugs)) we are all here to listen... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Prayers for you and your dad. When my mother was so sick I had many of the same feelings you express. My answer was in God's time. Mother made the decision to have her surgery...she lived nearly 2 weeks...and died in intensive care. Not what any of us wanted but it was God's time. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 It is so hard to watch the ones we love endure all this pain and suffering. In the back of my mind, I think about what if Dad says "no more treatment". It would be so, so hard to accept because I love him so much. But..... Also remember that you can vent all you want. That's a good part of why we are here. Sending many prayers to you and your Dad. gail p-m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kreed70 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Keep praying. It is keeping me sane and not a basketcase. That reading God's Word is getting me through and able to help to give hope, peace, strength to my mom!! Thank God you are there to be present for all of this. God Bless you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 oh, I've been to that pity party a few times. it's normal! just know that you are so strong, and showing up for your dad so well! we have your back here, Bron. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie221 Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 What a horrible experience that must have been - hearing that news and waiting helplessly. You know, I very often think it's harder for my husband than it is for me - and I'm the one with the cancer! Here's a quote I saw that is so true: "An individual doesn’t get cancer, a family does." ~ Terry Tempest Williams Sending caring thoughts to you, your dad, and the rest of your family. Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missyk Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I second that quote by Williams( i tell people "we" have this or that to do, not that mom does)...and share in your pity party...we have all thrown them ourselves a time or two (or three or four). There is NOTHING wrong with feeling scared, nervous, anxious, or even doubting things will go well. Those feelings are so normal! And soon you'll find yourself remembering those feelings instead of feeling them! We live on a roller coaster...many ups and downs, as much as it would be nice to just live on flat land again! Prayers that all is going well and your fears are lessening even as i type. ((((hugs tight)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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