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Paranoia (just whining, no responses needed :) ) 9/14 update


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Paranoia just set in full blast. I am now freaked out about everything more than before. How did they miss my dad's spot on his June xray? How can I trust any doctor?

I had generalized itching and told my allergist, he said typically in people my age with itching they do a chest xray to look for lymphoma, but I am probably ok since I have a lot of allergies. So what did I do? I went for a chest xray at a walk-in urgent care, I think it was Mayish. The facility is associated with the hospital we use.

I remember the doctor saying it was fine, they compared it to my one the previous year. Why do you compare xrays if nothing is there? This all just hit me yesterday.

So I decided to make an appointment with the pulmonologist my parents use, he makes you get a chest xray before each visit :) The lady was so nice, he was booked for a few weeks (I know he takes emergencies sooner, like my dad's spot initiallly etc), but she said with all that is going on in my family, I go next Thurs the 14th. I now only trust him to look at chest xrays.

That article in SELF magazine I think also did some damage as it talked about estrogen as a fuel for lung cancer possibly and I was pumped with it for all my fertility treatment. Of course I am probably hormonal now as I am in the process of a failed pregnancy, who knows :)

I hope I am just being paranoid. I do NOT wish any of this on anyone. But I do admit I am jealous of those who don't live with the fear, and the helplessness that comes with waiting and worrying.

Oy vey :) I guess I should go to work.

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Thanks :) I am trying to breathe. I think this is more like a meltdown and not just "new normal" fears.

When my mom was diagnosed I fell apart for a few months, couldn't speak without crying. It took awhile before "new normal" set in. I am now regressing to the initial stages.

I meant to get gas today, I forgot. I meant to pick up my mom's pants from Nordstroms yest since I work across the street, I forgot. I am in a bit of a fog :)

I know it could turn out not to be cancer, but already, my mind is if he needs chemo, I am quitting my job to drive him, if he does not make it my mom will live with us and we will buy a house with mother in law quarters, etc.

Hormones are not helping :)

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((Andrea)) Please relax and just take it one moment at a time. THe reason they compare chest x-rays is because everyones chest is different. For instance they compared my moms this last time compared to before surgery and said she has decreased lung function because she is missing some of her right lung. They compare to make sure that there is nothing from your "normal" x-ray showing up

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I don't have much by way of advice-just wanted you to know I understand. I get crazy from the doctors seemingly 'carefree' attitude sometimes...right now, her right lung is filled with fluid and it took her 8 days to get the doc to call back to tell her that they are not going to do anything about it because it would cause more harm than good...8 days!

Me and My sister both have gone thru the 'panic' mode more than once-after all, we had no clue my mom had cancer when she was diagnosed so sometimes that can feel a bit helpless when it comes to our own ailments. I took zoloft for a while because my anxiety was so great I was convinced I was having a heart attack....at age 32 :roll:

I just try to remember to trust in that higher power i cannot see....know that what you are going through is normal and that all conditions are temporary

sending you calming thoughts and big cups of warm cocoa to soothe your soul.


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Quite often, when you have an x-ray, the interpreting doctor will routinely look at the previous x-ray of that body part. Especially in the chest, since they are looking at not only the lungs, but also the heart outline, the diaphragm, the ribs, etc.

So don't read any more into the fact that they compared your recent CXR to the previous one.

Nonetheless, I think you will be relieved to have everything checked over, even if it all turns out to be no specific problem.

You have a high anxiety level. Nothing wrong with that! That is what makes you, YOU! But you are facing so much in your life right now, perhaps you could use something for anxiety?

So sorry about the pregnancy failure.


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I had a chest x-ray that showed nothing in March of 2003. Having had chest pains at 34, my doctor wanted to rule out heart issues and took a chest x-ray...then we did the "it's just stress" route, I changed jobs and life was much better.

Now, November of same year, I had pneumonia. My chest x-ray after the pneumonia cleared up showed a cloud - one that hadn't been there months earlier. According to my oncologist, the tumor when removed was 3-5 years of growth. The tumor WAS there during the first chest x-ray, it just didn't show. I would not suggest all this nuclear medicine and radiation for you with the cumulative effects while you are trying to get pregnant, but I understand the need to know.

Of course, I would also think that at the most present time, your chest pains are TOTALLY anxiety. 8)

Que sera, sera. Try to relax and breathe. You WILL make it through whatever comes up. You ARE a survivor, you're just a noisy one! :wink:

Hang in there,


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Thanks everyone. I know chest xrays are not perfect. Actually the hospital has a program called "if you are concerned about lung cancer" which offers low dose radiation ct-screening for $295, but they won't do it if you are under 40.

My mom's pulmonologist once said you can get a chest xray every day and it will have no effect, it is that low dose. Plus, I am done trying to get pregnant, so that is a moot issue now suck a duck.

I just want to be checked by him. :) I thought about cancelling but Brian said I will regret it.

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Oh, as a PS, one more thing making me paranoid, my playmate growing up across the street from me, my age, my grade in school, passed away a couple of years ago from lymphoma one year after her baby was born. She was feeling a bit tired and went to the dr and there was a football sized mass in her chest on chest xray.

I am sane and insane. Insane b/c of my paranoias, but sane b/c I know that a lot of what I worry about can be considered irrational and I should be more worried about getting into a car; and I should be more worried about losing more weight since heart disease is a huge women's issue :) So when I explain that to doctors, along with my anxiety, some say I am sort of rational ;)

I just post my fears sometimes b/c I know a lot of others told me they share the same ones. It is nice to know you are "not alone" at times!

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I for one do not think you are paranoid and if you are I think that much of my family can join the group :lol: ! Since Dad's diagnosis and death, my sisters (two of are non-smokers/one is a smoker) and I have open and frequently discussed testing options and how strongly the fear of getting LC grips us sometimes. We were all raised around people how smoked constantly and I for one am scared stiff about the possibilities of lung cancer. I find it kinda odd that my sister who is the smoker (and an RN) really isn't all that openly concerned while myself and my other sister have gone as far as looking for testing sources. My non smoking sister lives in MD and found a place that will do a full body PET scan for a very reasonable price. We have seriously discussed going to do it together next time I visit. So the only difference between you and I is that you are doing it and not just talking about it! I say GOOD FOR YOU!!!

I'm glad that you are going for the XRay.. my personal opinion of late is "never too safe and peace of mind is worth just about any price". There are indeed othes out there who share your same fears...you are not alone by any means!!!


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At least you know you're really normal and not the truly paranoid person you sometimes think you are.

Maybe it's just an overactive imagination, you can come up with every "what-if" known to man and then add a few more........are you sure you went to law school and not med school???

Seriously though Andrea with all you have been through it would be a miracle if you didn't identify with some of the symptoms you've learned about.

Keep coming here to be a paranoid whiner, we'll keep reading and reassuring and Becky will keep telling you to breathe!

Looking forward to your next post in this series.......don't forget to breathe.

Take care, I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.


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Hi Andrea,

I understand your fears as well, because I live them myself. Thanks to DADSTIMEON I discovered a local hospital that was offering two-for-one CT lung screenings. My brother and I took advantage of this offer. Due to our family history (mother & grandmother) he was allowed to have the test performed even though he wasn't yet 40. If you haven’t done so, mention your family history if/when you try to schedule a screening appointment. It might make a difference.


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I saw the pulmo today. I was so worried he would get mad at me for wasting his time but he was WONDERFUL. His partner said "no, another family member, quick, lock the door" ;)

My chest xray was normal and I explained to him my concerns 1)my mom and maybe my dad; 2) the impact on young women; 3) all the estrogen from fertility; 4) four years ago there was an infiltrate on my left lung they were following up on. I read teh report and it cleared, but I never went back to teh doctor. And how do I know the radiologist read it right since my dad's chest xray was misread a couple of montsh ago (granted different facility).

He pulled up the 2002 ct-scan and said it looked fine. He recommends a chest ct for me every 5 years, so wait a year.

I apologized for wasting his time, he said I absolutely did not. Also, he is not as certain as the surgeon that my dad's is cancer, but time will tell.

Have no fear though, I have more to worry about :D Of course tomorrow's surgery; and then I see the breast surgeon for my 6 month visit next week.

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Hi Andrea!

Hopefully, by now, you have some GOOD news on your Dad. I'm still praying.

And, I'm sending BIG hugs for you! I'm glad you received good results - I get a laugh whenever I read your "rants" :wink: - I get the SAME way! I think Kasey is right...fear just becomes part of the new "normal".

I'm not really a huge Incubus fan, but I really relate to that song "Drive" - lyrics below:


Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear.

And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the

fear take the wheel and steer.

It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal.

But lately I am beginning to find that

I should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

with open arms and open eyes.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

I'll be there.

So if I decide to waive my chance to be one of the hive

Will I choose water over wine, or hold my own and drive?

It's driven me before and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around.

But lately I'm beginning to find that

when I drive myself my light is found.

So whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes. Yeah.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

I'll be there.

Would you choose water over wine?

Hold the wheel and drive.

So whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes. Yeah.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.

I'll be there.

So, Andrea, what do ya say...Let's kick fear's booty!!! :lol::lol::wink:

LOTS of Hugs, Prayers & HOPE!!!!


P.S. My last name is Fears....how's that for irony...? :roll:

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