Ann Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 There are so many days that I feel I have come so far in this journey called "life without Dennis by my side" and then there are days, like yesterday when I feel like it is four years ago all over again. I guess when the anniversary date of our loved ones passing comes around, it just brings everything back to life for us. Right now, I can tell you every detail that happened in those days that preceded December 15th. On good days, the memories are there when I recall them and they're not so clear. I am trying to take my own advice and remember only the good times but it's just not happening. My mind is plagued with memories of pain, sickness and all the other things that go hand-in-hand with lung cancer. I don't think I slept for 30 minutes at a time last night. Dreams....confusing and unsettling dreams. One dream was very comforting. I was having a discussion with Dennis, telling him how I wish he could have seen our new grandbaby. He replied, "I met her long before you did." I thought that was such a neat thought! So...enough rambling. Pray for me as tommorrow approaches. I really get wacko during this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Ann, I'm so sorry and I understand. I'll keep you in my prayers for peace of heart as the day passes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeR Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Ann, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your post made me cry, because I so totally understand the hurt and pain. I always thought I was a kind and compassionate person, but I had no idea the depth of grief you feel when you lose someone you love so dearly, until I lost my dad. I am glad you had a comforting dream of Dennis. Maybe he saw you struggling during the night and came to you in that dream to let you know he has met the new grandchild. What a wonderful and comforting dream. My mom had the most comforting dream about a week after dad passed. She was staying with me and when she woke up she swore dad had come to her in her dream and gave her the most wonderful soft kiss on her lips. Nothing was said, just the kiss. I believe that was my dad, just as I believe that was Dennis coming to comfort you last night. I hope the happy memories fill your days. I know from reading your posts you have so many. Take care Ann. Diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Ann, I'm so sorry you had such a rough night and I'm sure tomorrow will be a very tough day too. I, too, have been having a hard time getting my Moms last month out of my mind. Those kind of memories are not the ones that you want to think about. It hurts so, so much. I completely agree with Diane about Dennis trying to comfort you in the dream about your grandchild. Take very special care of yourself tomorrow and know that you will be in my thoughts all day. Sending big, warm hugs prayers your way. Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Ann, Dennis is at peace and I am sure he wants you to be, too. I hope that the good memories outweigh the bad over time. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen1 Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Ann, I truly believe that was Dennis! He came to you in your dream. I have dreams like that every once in a while and I believe they are real. My dreams are always so scattered but when I have a dream like that it is very clear, so I believe it is that person visiting you. Do some really nice things for yourself these next few days. Things you would do for a very very dear friend. you are such a dear friend to all of us here and have offered so much support. I am praying for you during this difficult time and always. k Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Ann, I will be praying for you! Love, Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Dennis felt you pain and came through your dreams to comfort you. I do believe that he did met his grandbaby before she came into this world, as I believe the soul enters the body during the delivery so I believe he met her before she was born. Just my belief.. I know you will get past this. Tomorrow you will feel better. Prayers sent my friend, Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Just more (((((hugs)))))). I will keep praying, Ann! I'm sorry for your hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Chills up and down my spine.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I get it. Prayers going out for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Sweet Ann, You are in my prayers and I just lit a candle for you. Love, Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adela Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Ann, I understand, hope you are able to rest tonight. Adela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Well, We could have cocoa and cookies together if we were closer. For now, just know I care, I get it and I am sending love and support and many prayers. Pat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonjo Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Ann, I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Ann, Just now read about the anniversary of Dennis' death. I am sorry for your loss, girl. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Praying for you, Ann. I know that was Dennis in your dream. Do something special today. Blessings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted December 15, 2006 Author Share Posted December 15, 2006 Thanks so very much for all of your support. For some reason, I thought it would be easier this year but...it's not. I'm so thankful that I have all of you that understand what I'm going through. I'm so sorry that any of us have to know how deep this type of pain can cut. In memory of Dennis, I'm going to try and make someone's day a little better. Dennis was that kind of guy. He was always pulling money out of his pocket to help some poor guy that was down on his luck. Today, I'm going to do a couple of things for complete strangers and make Dennis smile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeR Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Ann, What a loving tribute to Dennis, to go out and help a stranger. I know he is looking down at you with a huge smile. I can't think of anything nicer you could do in his memory. If everyone in the world thought to do something kind in memory of their loved one, just think how wonderful the world would be. Dennis would be so proud. Ann, my thoughts are with you today. Diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Ann, we are beautiful soul. Dennis is so proud of you anyway, but do something special is Priceless. G-d Bless you, Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchurchi Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 My Friend, my heart is filled with thoughts of you today. I wish I could take the pain away for just a few minutes. I will be holding you close all day long. I love you. D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen1 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Ann, that is a wonderful thing to do on this day. But I think you help people here EVERYDAY with your love and support. Take good care today. God love you, I know we do!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Ann, Dear Girlfriend, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Dennis is so proud of you and what you have done and are continuing to do. Many warm hugs, Shirleyb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 My Dear friend You know how well I understand. We have been through so much together. Something you said really caught my attention. Doing something good for a stranger. The last two weeks that I worked before starting my vacation were spent in a rehab hospital with a client. Given the fact that those were aniversary days of Johnny's last days but also days that he spent in a hospital and nursing home that was not the easiest place for me to be. After I was there a few days my boss called with an unusual request for me. She had gotten a call from a man. His mom was in the same rehab and had no family closer than 140 miles. She eats only rye bread and rice milk and her son hired us to get some for her. I agreed to do it. I was paid for one hours work and thought that was too much. As it turned out the task was not as simple as I had thought it would be for all of the stores I went to were out of dark rye bread. Finally I found it and the lady had what she needed. I was paid for an hours work and reimbursed. When I stopped in to see this lady a couple of days before Thanksgiving she told me that she was out of milk and bread so I again bought it and gave it to her. When I saw her family later they were taking her home and wanted to pay me. I said what you said Ann, I told them that I had lost someone very dear to me about that time of year in a hospital and I really needed to do something nice for someone. I'm not sure how much help I was to that lady but what I did sure helped me face some of those painful days. As for the aniversary of his death wow what can I say? It is as hard as ever. I was just smart enough to schedule the beginning of my vacation on that day so I was too busy to dwell on it too much. Oh and sense I told you about the guitar pick you know what a boost that gave me. Now your day is passed too so we can both relax a little but I have a feeling next year the 5 year aniversary will be even harder for us both. Take care my friend and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with all of your family and Dennis there watching over you. Love you girl. Lillian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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