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That Talk...

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That every child dreads from their parent when we've been battling a disease such as this. The "I know it's not long..." talk. :cry:

Mom called this evening to wish Sabrina (my daughter) a happy birthday and to gloat that she made it to her birthday afterall. LOL

When they were done talking Mom and I talked for a little bit. She and Ralph talked with the hospice social worker to see about some of the "paranoid" things she's been saying and see if they could come up with an idea of what was going on. Mom told me that she thinks she has her head on straight now. That she understands that she doesn't have much time left and that the sensations and feelings she's been having are all tied to that...not to any of us actually being "out to get her".

I'm glad she seems more at peace now, it lightens my heart. But I'm sad, too, because knowing that she's starting to accept what's happening means she's not so p*ssed off anymore and I KNOW that's what's kept her around this long! LOL

It's such a long, rough, journey. I'm humbled by the grace and dignity of those (including Mom) who've traveled this road.

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I echo Ry--as much as that talk aches right now, at some point down the line (and it might not be real soon), it will be a touchpoint of peace for you. My Mama went downhill so fast that I still regret not being able to support her as she realized exactly what was happening.

I just send you so much love and wish all of you peace in these days.

You keep treasuring up those 'mom moments' and know that we're here for you.



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Missy, like others, I know that one day you will be glad that you and your Mom were able to talk about this. Don't think that this means your spunky Mom has given up. She just wants to talk with her family and let them know that she's alright with life. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

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Please dont look at the "talk" as if its a bad thing. For the first month and 1/2 after my moms dx no one could bring themselves to talk about her lung cancer. It was as if there was a huge white elephant in the room and everyone was ignoring it. Then as she got sicker i didnt want to talk about it because i wanted the time I spent with her to be good and not so sad and I was afraid that she would give up if she felt that we thought she was dying. There are so many things that I should have said or wanted to talk to her about and I live with that regret every day. I do "talk" to her many times a day but its not the same. So go ahead and have the talk and if she lives another 10,20,30 years or whatever the time is that you have left you will all know how everyone feels. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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I agree with the others. Nobody wants to have this talk but I think it was a good thing. I am glad your mom is more at peace now and I hope her time remaining is clear-headed and without paranoia. I hope you are also more at peace now as well. You've had a lot going on lately. Please remember to take some time to take care of yourself too!


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Hi Missy -

I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. The hurt must be so painful.

During my Moms ups and downs she had a prolonged, severe period of paranoia. The docs prescribed Zyprexa and it has really helped. Might be an option for your Mom to try.

Take care,


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I really understand what you are saying and it is a great time to listen to what your mom has to say and love her up. I know it is hard to hear her accepting what is going on. I know that my hubby wanted to get to this acceptance time so badly and was hesitating because he felt like we were not OK with it. Once he understood that we would always love him and remember him but knew he was tired of all of the pain and suffering and told him it was OK to go, he said he was ready to let go and he was quite peaceful from then on. It was a very spiritual time for us both (our whole family) and I learned a lot. I had a dream where I was told it was time for him to leave and then a few days later he told me it was time for him to go. It is so hard, and so sad, and not what we want, and I am sorry you are going through this, but sometimes the ones we love so much are ready and we have to allow that to happen.

Sending thoughts that your mom and entire family can find peace and comfort during this time.


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I would echo the sentiments that you will someday be very thankful for that talk with your mom. In my darkest moments, I beat myself up for not having more of those talks with my dad...I think that he and I both expected that we would have those opportunities as the end drew nearer. Little did we know that his journey would end so abruptly and without any real warning.

I pray that you will experience overwhelming peace in the days and months to come. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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It's great that your Mom can accept the changes are part of her illness. It's something that likely scared her just as much as it did you and the rest of the family. Acceptance doesn't neccessarily mean a final phase .... she can very well make a good fight and effort and succeed to make it to the next "event" she has on her list.

Defiance or acceptance doesn't change the determination or desire .... it only changes the approach of the fight.

You maybe pleasantly surprised, and for the hardships until now you've each experienced ..... I dearly hope this will happen for you. You all deserve that.


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