Cindy RN Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Well I guess it is my turn to ask for prayers. I hate mentioning it to my church family and friends because they all assume the worst. Also I hate being looked at as if I am getting ready to die! I started coughing last week, the kind of cough where you sound all hacky. Also there is some pain in the area where the liver is, and in the sternal and L adrenal area. I did call the Dr and had a CXR done on Monday but have yet to hear about it. I really do not think it is pneumonia but they always try to rule that out first. I know we always think the worst first but this time it is hard to ignore these symptoms. How do those of you with this disease handle your family and friends? I have never hid anything from my family but when the news has been not so good they all get so upset and I feel like I have to be the one to reassure them. It is hard enough to deal with this without being the one to cheer everyone else up. I guess it is the nurse in me-always trying to fix things. Plus I know that God has been with me thru this from the beginning and whatever happens I will be OK. Either I stay here with my family-cured-or I go onto be with Him and my family that has gone ahead to Heaven. I have done everything I can so my family will be OK financially after I am gone-you know that bus can hit any of us at anytime Well I got a few things off my chest. I thank God for all of you. It is hard for me to talk to friends about this, like I said, I do not like to see them sad. Wish we had a group here in town for survivors but this is such a small town-you know-everybody knows everybody. Confidentiallity is a problem. Thanks for letting me vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Cindy, sorry you are under so much distress. But I'm glad you vented here. It is almost impossible to be the patient AND the cheerleader. I recommend you drop the cheerleader role and let someone else take that on. I am for letting your family especially, and specific others know what is going on with you, even if not good. You need their support. Yep, the nurse role is getting in the way. Give her a leave of absence. You need to receive now more than give. Lucie and I have learned this lesson in spades. Give others a chance to give. Blessings. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebayou Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Cindy... Tons of prayers going up for you today. I can empathize so much Cindy as I'm experiencing some rather obvious signs for brain mets. I feel scared and lost and I too would rather not have to turn to family with this possible very bad news. I am turning this over to God as I am not handling this very well and pray that he gets me thru this. God Bless us all .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Cindy, It is an never-ending roller coaster ride. Always looking over your shoulder ---This is what we must go through. I don't discuss my problems with family members too much --- I don't want to upset them. I know you worry when you get a cough --- but, I have had a dry hacking cough since Feb. of 02. I think it is the norm for lung cancer patients to cough. Prednisone helped me alot -- now I don't cough as much. Pulmonary Doc still doesn't know why I cough so much. Had broncoscopy too!. So maybe it is just the effects of radiation or perhaps you're getting a cold. The other areas that you are having pain with, may be nothing --- if not --- treatable. Try to keep positive. Prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Cindy, I agree with Don, you have to let your family and friends know all the news - good or bad. They love you and want to be there for you no matter what. I tell my husband - when he says it is not fair for me to have to do everything - that he owes me big time when he is better. I am already talking peeled grapes. Cindy, I am praying hard, that what you have is some stupid thing. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Cindy, please know that you are in all of our thoughts and prayers. I'm sure being a nurse has both its advantages and disadvantages. It is so hard not to worry about the least little thing, be it a cough or even a headache. I remember when a headache was just that, a headache. Now when Howard complains of having a headache I want to run and call the doctor!! You will definately be on my prayer list and I'm sure lots of others as well. Take care and enjoy this wonderful fall weather we are having...at last!! Can't wait for the snow. Bonnie and Howard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Oh Cindy, I really wish I could be there to help you. I totally agree with Don. Your family needs to know what you're feeling and going through. How else cam they really help you physically and emotionally if they dont what is really going on. As a daughter I had the need to know everything about my dad's illness. I didnt want to be in the dark about it because I wouldnt know how to help him. When my children went away to college I kept many things from them about their papa, until one day they asked why do I keep important things from them, I told them I didnt think they needed to have that extra worry on their minds, they responded, why he is my papa too. Its strange but they feel left out. Everyone is different so you are the best to decide what your family can handle, you may be surprised. If your family knew it would help you to talk about it, they will be there for you, because all we want to do is help in any way possible. If you are not comfortable talking to friends about it then dont. I think you need to take your " I am Okay" mask off occasionally. Prayers coming your way. Hang in there Dear Cindy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Cindy, Blue, I wish I could tell you to squeeze my hand really hard until I can take some of the pain and anxiety away. I took when I needed to take, when I absolutely had no choice any more. I had always been the strong one. It was HARD to accept that I wasn't self contained and tuff any more. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you all a big hug, and hold you until you can let it go, and give it to God to worry about. Sometimes dealing with what life deals us is a really tall order. It is for me. I know when the other shoe drops you all will be there for me. Blessings and prayers all around. We are indeed a privileged community here. We have each other. I am lucky to belong. MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebayou Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Thank you MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Cindy My prayers are with you. I know exactly how you feel, I am going for an MRI on my spine this week and of course thinking the worst. I do the same things you do regarding telling family and friends, they just freak out and then you have to make them feel better! I had a friend call me the other day to ask "when are your treatments going to be done?" I said I "WISH I KNEW THE ANWER TO THAT ONE". I know she wanted a definite date in writing so that she could feel better about my situation! Oh god give me strength to deal with these idiots! Hang in there cindy, you have overcome some pretty tough stuff, you are my mentor on this journey with this horrible disease. I always hold you up as an example Bess B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Cindy, Cindy, Cindy, I am just beginning to understand what you are saying about being a cheerleader. My prayers are with you. Please keep us updated. You have such a wonderful attitude you are an inspiration. David C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Well I don't have any great advice just want you to know we are all here for you and you should vent here anytime you want. We'll all be thinking of you and cheering for you so you can hang up those pom poms of yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Botley Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Dear Cindy, Just wanted to let you know you are in our thoughts and prayers! Now it is time for a few others to put on the Nurse's Uniform and cheer you on! Try and keep positive attitude. Thinking of you and your family. Take care, Botley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobmc Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Hi Cindy; You will be in my thoughts and prayers, You are such an inspiration, so much strength in that faith. I suppose God would'nt bring us here if he did'nt think we could get through it! Know, I will be praying for you and your family! God bless and be well Bobmc- NSCLC- stageIIB- left pneumonectomy- 5/2/01 " absolutely insist on enjoying life today!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berisa Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Cindy, hang in there, we all will support you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam'swifeShirley Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Cindy, I can't think of anything better to say than what already has been said. We are all here and God is always watching and listening. The cough may be nothing. I coughed for months before we finally found out that I had chronic necrotizing aspergillis pneumonia. Sam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest canuckwebgrrl Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Speaking from the daughters point of view, I want to know all I can about Steve's health. Those who love you will be sad to hear any bad news, but that's natural & normal. Best wishes & positive thoughts for your CXR results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jonathan Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Hi Cindy, I am in nursing school as well right now. I know that we try to fix everything. Lets wait and see, it could be nothing, but if it is something, it is at least once again, early, and that is half the battle! There are other therapies you could try IF the cancer comes back. The first, and most aggressive next chemo i would ask for if I were you is CAV cytoxin/adriamycin/vincristine, and I also believe you have yet to have taxol right? Well, lets see what happens anyhow....Did you have a CT scan done? I would demand a CT and or PET and or an MRI for reassurance...Prayinf for you... Jonathan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 Cindy, I will say a prayer for you. Please try not to worry about those worries before they happen. You are in the medical profession, so it makes it hard not to diagnose yourself I imagine. Keep us posted! God Bless you! Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 Cindy, Regarding the pain in the area of your liver - I've had pain in the liver area since surgery. I talked to my oncologist about where I hurt everytime he does the tummy poking and his reply has been that it's my liver and it has been through some trauma... BUT, being a girl, I go in for a yearly tune up and talked to my WONDERFUL primary care physician about it when SHE did the tummy poking. Her answer? At my age and gender, it COULD be my gall bladder. (This is the woman that was questioning what the foggy area was in my lung on an x-ray, when she wants to do follow-up, I make sure I do it...) So, I had an ultra sound (no gall stones, all "normal") and then had a function test... Turns out, the darn thing ISN'T working right. I see a surgeon for a consult November 17. My point is that YOU are close to my age, and same gender - may not be a cancer thing at all! ...and the coughing? It's just literally a pain in the neck! ...and my name is in the Beer Truck Lottery, not the bus lottery! Wouldn't want to scare a bunch of senior citizens on their way to Bingo with a Smear of Dear on the fender... The driver of a beer truck can work on immediately numbing his/her senses! Hang in there, this time you're the PATIENT... Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 Cindy, Prayers for you and your family... The others have said it all. Just keep your faith in God and He will take care of us. He hears our prayers and He heals us, all we have to do is believe. God Bless Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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