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I am amazed at how Lynne, Bunny, Beth, Peggy, Ann and others of us have come back to this group around the same time!

I wonder if it is the time of year and the need for warmth?

Warmth is what I always found here. Warmth that comes from concern, understanding, hope and support.

Each member of this group was a gift to me and to Brian when we most needed one.

We never felt alone or as though no one understood what we really were going through.

Brian will be gone 2 years after this holiday season on Jan 1, 2008. I don't want to start yet another year without him, but the years keep coming.

I miss Brian the same today as the day he died. I love him as much as our last kiss.

As for the update some of you requested: I work at my same job, but Textron sold Fastening Systems to a private equity group and the changes are very upsetting. I just keep selling those fasteners and will do so till they ask me to stop. Many of my dearest work friends have lost their jobs and I know I should be grateful that I still have my position, but it is hard.

I turned 60 (!) in Sept.

My eldest son's partner has just been dx w/ stage 4 kidney cancer w/ mets to his lungs. They have been together over 20 years and he is my very dearest friend as well as an important part of our family.

My middle son still lives in FL and is happy w/ family and job.

My youngest son and family just adopted a baby girl from China and she is a delight. Her big brothers are in awe of her and she will be the most protected little girl in the world if they have their way.

Brian's 2 daughters are doing well and we stay in close touch.

So ~ life does go on.

I want to sell our home but waited to make that decison just a bit too long in light of the current market. I will hang on here ~ rattling around ~ till timing is better for selling

Brian and I always talked of moving to UT. I went there this fall to look at retirement communities and I guess I thought he would be there waiting for me.

He wasn't.

So plans for the future remain vague.

Brian and I had so many plans.

I hate being alone.

I hate being alone.

My neigbors and family and friends are wonderful with me but

I HATE BEING ALONE. No matter what I do to distract myself at the end of the day I am still alone.

The problem is that I really hate being without Brian vs. just being alone in general.

I have a ways to go on the adjustment path.

I have such sincere love for each of you that helped Brian and me during his 10 month struggle. I have particular love and concern for those of us who have shared losses.

thank you for still being here.

It is time I gave some of the support back and I plan to stick around.


Special hugs to special friends and continued faithful prayer that we all feel less alone.


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I like that idea, that we're gathering here in preparation for the long cold winter. for me, I think it's more that I have been a deer in the headlights - wedding, scary, complicated pregnancy, baby in NICU, post-partum 'stuff' - the past year + and I just couldn't hack it here for a while. I am letting that be OK, not being hard on myself for it.

this truly is a warm, loving place. I think I am somewhat of a better person when I am truly a part of it.

but you, Pat, you're a magic woman. I know you struggle so much and I can only imagine how hard it's been for you. you have no idea how much light you give off.

love you.


Bruce will be in my prayers.

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"Patkid"]The problem is that I really hate being without Brian vs. just being alone in general.

Hello Pat,

That quote really struck me. A good friend just asked me last night, "how are you adjusting to living alone?" I thought about it later -- it's not living alone that's so hard, it's living without Bill. Yes, the house is very quiet and I've taken on many new responsibilities, but I could have five people living with me, and that particular "aloneness" wouldn't change a bit. Thank you for putting that into words.

I'm so sorry about your son's partner. I wish you peace as you move forward with new decisions.

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That is one of the warm things about this site.

People really 'get' you.

Thanks, Terri

Reading about Bill was hard and I am so sorry for your loss.

I learned nothing to help you from my loss.

I told Ry that, as well, Our loss is personal and singular and painful.

All we can do is support each other and reach out.



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Our loss is personal and singular and painful.

All we can do is support each other and reach out.

Yes! You said it so well, Pat.

I loved that description: warmth. There is and always has been so much of that here. Lots of warm hugs and warm fuzzies, not to mention Lynne's warm towels. I know for an absolute fact that I didn't come back accidentally. I was drawn back.

I had been doing pretty good, and suddenly found myself grieving again, wishing so much that Don was still here, renewed tears, renewed memories. I was planning Thanksgiving and thought about how he used to always vacuum Thanksgiving morning. What a silly memory, huh? Oh, but oh so sweet.

Enjoy the holidays, Pat, and hug that little China baby for me!

Love and hugs,


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I am sending you great big (((Hugs))) I am not only sorry for the loss of your husband, but also for the dx of your Son's partner.

As I read your post it sounds like my Mom talking about my Father. They were together for 41 years when my Dad passed from LC. It will be nine years ago this month. She still misses him terribly. It is some better, but she still talks of all the plans they had of "some day". I think that is her greatest regret. She wishes they had not put things off. My Dad was 60 and my Mom 59 when he passed.

I admire all of you so much for how you are dealing with your grief. That you have come on here to vent and be with other's that are grieving also. I want so much for my Mom to get involved with something such as this. I think it would help her greatly.

Thank you so much for sharing. It not only helps other wifes and husbands that have lost their partners, but it helps us children also.


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