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Hospice Coming in Today


lc46

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I knew this day would come but I never thought it would happen so quick. I talked to my Moms nurse yesterday @ Penn-she said things can get bad quick and I see what she means. My Mom in one week has already changed. She is in a lot of pain and her stomach is getting bigger. Hospice is coming today to talk to us. As of last week she was saying she probably has 6 months-last night before bed she said it's coming fast and thinks it will be more like 1 month. This is the first time in 21 months I have no hope left for my Mom and it's the saddest emptiest feeling I know. She was doing so well and this happened so quick that it feels like a dream. Thank you to everyone on this web-site for all of your help during this journey.

Dar

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Good morning, Dar.

Just remember that the fact that hospice is coming in does not shorten your mother's life span, but makes it more comfortable (and can even lengthen it).

As I have written before, I don't believe I'd still be alive today if not for my team and am sure you will come to treasure your mother's team as I do mine.

In the meantime, a side note to all: I'm having laptop problems (and am also running fever this morning) and my "computer guru" is coming by today to pick up my computer and work on it, so if I'm offline for a couple days, not to worry!

Best of luck to you and your mom, Dar!

Carole

Life is a Terminal Condition

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Dar,

I'm so sorry. I remember how surreal and terrible that day was for me.

Whether things go fast or slow, be sure that you say what you want to say. That you spend precious time with your Mom. That you take care of YOURSELF. That you ask the questions that you need to ask of your Mom and of Hospice. Treasure up the "Mom moments" that you see right now. They will be a comfort later. And know how much we are praying for you.

Val

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Dar, I am so sorry to hear about the latest developments. You have gotten good advice here from others. Cherish and make best use of all the time you have left. I really can't say I understand what an awful feeling this must be. I can just wish you the best during this difficult time.

Sandra

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Thanks guys-I just got in from my Moms-we met with hospice @ 1:30 today-they seem very nice and I think it will work out well for my Mom. My Mom took 2 of her oxycodone @ a time today and that seemed to help her with the pain-they are going to give her the oxycotin in the next couple days after everything is set up. They are going to bring a hospital bed in since she sleeps downstairs in her recliner-she is getting uncomfortable - At first she said no to the bed but my brother and I convinced her it's only a bed in the living room and nothing more-she needs to be comfortable and be able to get a good nights sleep. She is handling it very well....I just hope to be as brave as her when I am on this journey.

It's all so surreal-My Mom is dying and my kids are fighting and life is going on as usual.... so very strange.

Thanks guys

Dar

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Hi, Dar.

Re hospital bed, I've been using one for almost a year now. It really helps me position myself to reduce coughing, plus being able to adjust my bed with remote control has helped my sleeping, relaxation, general comfort, etc.

Remember too that just because it's a hospital bed doesn't mean it has to look like one! :D

When I got mine, I also bought a new comforter with matching pillow shams and sheets, etc. As a result, it doesn't "look like" a hospital bed. Instead, I'm "styling!" :lol:

Carole

Life is a Terminal Condition

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Dar--

I am truly sorry to hear this news and I know how hard this point is. You have been an incredible daughter and you have honored your mom through all that you have done these past 21 months.

While we didn't have hospice at the end, we had incredible doctors and nurses with us to help guide through this period with my dad. I was grateful to have people around who understood what was happening--and could help us help my dad.

I wish you peace and strength in the coming days.

Best,

Leslie

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Dar, Don't know how I missed this thread that started earlier this week. I am sorry you are having to face this stage in your mother's illness right now. Take heart from the words of others and try to wring as much closeness as you can for however long this lasts.

Forgive me for being an incorrigible fixer and I know kids are kids and feeling the stress of their grandmother's illness too. But could someone in the family other than you maybe give them an outlet to vent their feelings or even just have a little mindless fun? But then, perhaps their fighting doesn't add to you stress. It could represent one island of normalcy for you--as you said, life just keeps going on. If so, just ignore this part of my post!

Wishes you only any comfort you can find, Judy in Key West

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I know it sounds silly when I write that buying new sheets, comforters and pillow shams for my hospital bed turned that into a happy experience, but it really did! :D

All of which has caused me to think about what else has made my home care pleasant:

1. A friend brought over a bird feeder and hung it outside my window so I can watch the birds (mostly sparrows and finches) flit in and out of sight, singing all the while (plus the occasional squirrell taking flying leaps in an effort to tip the bird feed onto the ground!). :D

2. We also hung a couple of hanging planters from eave over window. Nothing fancy, mostly blooming petunias, pansies and violas with occasional dusty miller for contrast, but getting to watch them bloom, having the extra colors in my view, has also been very uplifting (and a heck of a lot better than cut flowers in the house!)

3. Hung framed pics of all my close family members on walls within my sight (and have considered getting one of those digital frames that show a slide show of pics).

4. Built a small terrarium with pump for waterfall that is within sight and sound of my bed. This was relatively cheap (small galvanized tub $5 with rocks in bottom and three small plants (under 5 each) plus pump ($13) and tubing ($2) plus a few miniature animals (mammoth, elephant, otter, seal, bird) that I already had, along with a few seashells, a geode and a crystal (which I also already had).

I love the sound of the waterfall... helps me fall asleep at night, plus just looking at the terrarium seems to soothe me (I find that anything "mother nature-ish" seems to have positive effect on me lately).

5. I also have a small iPod on which I've added my favorite songs (from the Rolling Stones to Tschaikovsky), a couple of nature meditation tracks plus a couple of movies, and a ton of family pics that I'd previosuly scanned into my computer.

I have no idea if this kind of thing would help others, only know that it has helped me (significant anti-depressant as well as anti-insomnia, but mainly just a mood elevator). Anyway, if nothing else, maybe it will give others ideas?

Carole

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Carole, As a mother-naturish kind of lady myself, it all sounds grand to me. I've had bird feeders outside one window I can see from my chair in my living rom and orchids blooming outside another way pre-dx. The water effect was not so successful but your idea sounds sounds interesting.

I really admire you for being such an upbeat survivor and it's these little things and the family pictures and music, etc., that really make up the meaningful fabric of life. Worth thinking about and incorporating what works for each individual in their surroundings even if not housebound.

Judy in Key West

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