michellep Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 It's been 8 months now and I think I've kept it "together" for the most part until last night. I try so hard to be patient with my husband knowing what he's dealing with, I really do. But it seems that the more time that passes the harder it is to please him with "anything". He's better since they stopped the prior chemo and doesn't have the nausea or fatigue anymore...that's good, right? He's on Tarceva now and the famous rash has started, but it doesn't seem to bother him. So, why am I getting so stressed out you ask? I haven't had more than 3-4 hours of sleep per day since this journey began. I'm TIRED...I need some sleep. I'm beginning to think that just the "idea" of me sleeping and not being on watch is what scares him. I don't know! I'm not the kind of person who can sleep during the day (he does) I never have been able to do that. So.....last night he was resting nicely and I started to get ready for bed. He sits up and says to me " I think it's going to be another one of those long nights because I won't be able to sleep". Suddenly I just started to cry and cry and cry. I was so tired! I asked him why couldn't he sleep and he just said because I'm worried about my heart rate (it's been a bit high....not dangerous at all). So, I explained to him that the constant worry is what's keeping it high and that if he would just relax he'd be fine and able to sleep. He actually wanted me to stay awake "again" just to watch. Now mind you, his hospital bed is flush with mine and I always wake up to check him but for some reason he just doesn't want me to sleep! I don't know what will happen if I just drop from sheer exhaustion. Who will take care of him? I can't seem to get him to understand that I also need rest. Maybe 5 hrs a day would be a treat? Sorry for going on and on...but as we all know sometimes just putting feelings on here helps a lot. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.