Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 deleted my whining Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Hi, bean_si, I almost don't know what to say. What a shock. I am very sorry you feel so bad today. That is bad news - and a challenge - but I also think you have met many challenges before this. I also wonder if it is a bit premature to expect the worst. You don't really truly know what is going to happen. I just want to send you encouragement today and remember, you don't have to decide anything today. You have time, maybe months, maybe years, none of us really knows. As for Buddist, isn't there something in the doctrine like - learning the lesson? So you wouldn't want to cut and run and not learn it, would you? Or it may be that you are teaching a lesson. But of course I respect your right to know what is best for you own life. I sure do hope you stick around though, I think you help a lot of people. I hope tomorrow will be a brighter day. I am thinking of you and I do care. You are not alone, alone. Your daughter will help and you have friends. Rest yourself a bit, get a bit of distance from the shock, worry about this tomorrow. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Cat, I know you know this, but you aren't quailfied to read the results, so try, try to rest until the report is ready. When is your next Dr appointment? Have you found another Dr, one you trust more? I know it's not fair that you have lc. As a long-time smoker, I dont think it's fair that I have it either, though my case is a harder one to "defend," agreed. My whole life, I have been raling against inequity. Even as a child. My father would always say the same thing. "Who said life was fair." I hated that answer and still do. But it is really, unfortunately, the only answer, I am coming, finally, to accept. I still don't like it, but, what choice do we as only human have? I have more to say, but maybe I will pm you. I have so many tears right now, for all of our loved ones. elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Cat,I know you know this, but you aren't quailfied to read the results elaine But I am. I can't decipher iffy reults but definite in-your-face I can. I wrote you a PM. You take care. I wish we lived closer. Margaret, You're right about Buddhists. I'm thinking of taking my refuge vows. It's not necessary in Buddhism but it might help my spirit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Cat, Well, until informed otherwise, I am going to pray that if there is cancer, it is only a little bit left in the lung, and that surgery will take care of that. I wish we lived closer too. Just one more thing that isn't fair. elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Cat, Stop, stop...slow down...rest. I am not a Budhist, but because I am an open person and, because of you, have been reading Thich Nhat Hanh and feeling much peace. You bring so much to all of us and we will be here for you through this time. I know it doesn't feel like it will work out, but it will...in some way, this will make some sense and what can be done, will be done. Please hang in there for now. Peace to you, Margaret (another one) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haylee_38 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 I just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you. Haylee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terri Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 deleted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Cat - - - -Cat - - - - Cat - - - - - - Cat - - - - - Cat Cat - - Cat - - - Cat - - - - - Cat - - - - Cat - - -Cat Cat - - - Cat - - Cat - - -Cat - - Cat - - - Cat - - - - Cat - - -Cat Do you know what that is???? It's you CAT bouncing off the walls! Sweetie, SLOW down just for a second! You KNOW these scans are NOT 100% right on the button. I wish they were!!!! Your way ahead of yourself my dear. ONE BABY STEP AT A TIME! Did you miss class that day???? Oh Cat, I honestly understand your anger and fear, but you have GOT to stop and remember these tests can show other STUFF or HOT SPOTS! And as for moving with your daughter. GO!!! What is stopping you? GO! Don't look back, just GO! And as for you deserving lung cancer. You know the answer to that. NO ONE DESERVES LUNG CANCER, SMOKER OR NON-SMOKER! I always tend to kind of feel bad (like I'm a bad ishy person because I smoked) when a person that either quit smoking ages ago, or one that never smoked says: "I never smoked or I quit smoking years ago, I don't deserve lung cancer" Your right my dear you don't, but neither do I. And here we are! We have to play the game with the cards we were dealt, like it or not, this is it! Sweetie, I wish I could HUG you, cause I know you NEED ONE OR TWO OR THREE, ETC.......(((((((((((CAT)))))))))))))) We love you! Hugs, Connie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Dear Cat, I feel like I have no business posting this, because I am not in your shoes, I just want you to know I care and there has to be other options for you, wait and see what the doctor says, meanwhile I am saying a prayer for you right now, for God to put his arms around you and comfort you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slinaresholz Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Bean Si, Don't be discouraged. A few things lit up on my pet scan and one I know was a mistake as the machine was poking me under the arm. I was badly positioned. There is no tumor in my armpit. My chest lit up and there was only one bad lymph node found there. Your daughter loves you and wants you around for a long time. So do we. You are helping others with your support. Here in Cleveland, Metro Hospital and others will give you free medical care if you earn under $8000 a year. Some of the drug companies have a patient assist program that will give you free medicine. Try to get SSI until you can get regular disability. Maybe one of your hospitals has a similar program for free medical care. Hope things brighten up a little! Know that you are loved and appreciated and we are all here to support you! Hugs and prayers! Sharon hospital and others will give you free medical Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Cat, There are degrees of uptake...they rate them numerically, and the uptake has to be at a certain level before it is considered suspicious for malignancy. First time I had a PET scan I looked at the film and my spine was lit up like a Christmas Tree...and not the least bit malignant. Degenerative Disc Disease. My Kidneys had multiple spots of uptake all over the place, and not a bit malignant. Just the radioactive tracer trying to make its way through my cystic kidneys. Stomach and Intestine (large and small) had numerous areas of uptake, but no cancer. Crohn's Disease with active skip lesions, but no cancer. Cancer was in the lung and lymph nodes. I wasn't trained to read scans, so they all looked like cancer to me. Have you ever been the one to find someone who killed themselves? Death by suicide is only dignified in the movies, where you don't see the aftermath or deal with the cleanup. And it is pure hell on the loved ones left behind. I would be very sad if you left like that. This isn't fair...not to you...not to me...not to any of us. And I would give a lot to be able to do something besides say "I care". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Cat, You're scaring me. I read your post and my heart started to race - I mean really race, and I had to choke back tears. I saw your new avatar first on another thread and I didn't understand what it meant, but now I think I do. I can't even begin to relate to the insurance problems because we don't have that issue, but I can very much relate to bad news PET scan reports. Our first reaction was despair, next was anger, then came action. Cat, I'm no doctor, but all of these areas that lit up sound like they might be fairly small, except for maybe the lung tumor. My husband's whole body practically lit up, intensely in 3 or 4 areas - even his heart, but we're not giving up. In addition, he has multiple brain mets that don't even show up in a PET scan. You just can't despair and check out with this report. Like the others have said, it might not be that bad. I can understand frustration and concern, and even tears and anger, because you are fighting this thing alone and especially with the financial concerns, but those are not good reasons to call it quits. You are so precious. You are just so precious to all of us. You are precious to God. You are precious to your daughter. We need you here on this earth fighting with the rest of us and you need to be here until God says it's time for you to go. HE'S THE BOSS OF YOU!!! Cat, I love you. ((((((((((((((CAT)))))))))))))))) Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jana_W Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Cat I really don't know what to say to you except I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I, too, am scared by what you write. I am thinking of you Jana xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Cat Me too! You are scaring all of us!!! Even IF your scans are as bad as you think they are, there is still plenty of reason to keep on fighting - this disease CAN be turned on its head. Gather your strength together, and wait to hear what the doctor says. You say you have NO SUPPORT - well, I can think of about 1200 people who would say otherwise!! Hang tough, buddy! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Cat, I hate to see that you are in so much emotional pain and depression. I don't blame you for your feelings....we have all had our lows. You have had alot to swallow by yourself and I am glad you told your daughter about how you are feeling. But, think about how much you are needed by your daughter and for that matter, on this board. You do bring alot to all of us and I , for one, would hate to know that you were no longer with us. Don't jump into anything. Give yourself time to digest what is happening and get the official reading. I am sure there are things that can be done and if I were you I would be seeking out another doctor. It sounds like a comedy of horrors that you have been living through and I know that has to be depressing. You are in my thoughts and prayers Cat. Keep coming here to "let it all out" and we will all listen and let you know how much you mean to all of us. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glo Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Oh, Cat - I've not been in the spot you are in and I have no right to think that I know how you feel, but I can FEEL the panic and despair in your post. I've been reading your posts for a while now and you have so much to offer us all. Even when you're feeling down, you still reach out with support for others who need encouragement. Please try and hold on until you get the reports interpreted, and give yourself a little time to digest the news - whatever it may be. Hang on, Cat -- we've sent for Harry Potter! Gloria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Oh gee, somehow I didn't see all these wonderful posts until now. Thanks a lot. I don't think I'm wrong about the lighting up. It's the area most adjacent to my esophogus, maybe lymph nodes. Also I see they have concentrated on a place in the left lobe of my liver. I AM ignoring the many many other lights. I'm just noting the ones they marked with their computer software. I'm trying hard to concentrate not on my problems but on how many people are going through troubles. Yesterday I found a site for children who have a rare type of brain tumor. It was hard to feel sorry for myself after that. But I managed. :roll: Thanks everyone. You sincerely deserve the best of life. How-so-ever, I'm still scared. I hope Harry Potter arrives soon. I really do get a kick out of those movies. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Cat, I get scared too. I believe you too deserve the best out of life. Not sure I do, but you do. Hang in there. I know what lonely is. I can share stuff......... like I am the only one in the whole world TOO who feels like this.... When all else fails, trust in Murphy. XOXOXOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Cat, I think you need to seek a second opinion on the checking out - you aren't doing enough research if you are only going on your opinion at a low point... I don't think the part of you that is normally in charge of decision making will agree with the checking out, and it seems like the "Collective" that I mentally refer to this board as (am I a closet Trekkie? Borg? ARGH!) is not in favor of checking out early, either. NO APPLYING FOR THE DARWIN AWARDS, darn it! I'm sure some of those gene pool removals are nasty.... Meditate, girl! Relax, get your feet back under you and catch your breath again - you just took a solid hit, little bit of scrambling going on here, but you NEED to get back up! Keep hanging in there, Cat. You are needed and loved for the very person you are! Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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