Guest bbypookins Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Last night was a difficult one. I spent most of the day at my parents, as I have often been these past few weeks, and left around 10pm. Mom was feeling okay at that time, just her usual pain. I wasn't home for 15 minutes before the phone rang and she said she couldn't catch her breath. She asked me if I could come back over and stay the night. I was there in less than ten minutes and she was freaking out. My mom's biggest fear has always been her inability to breathe. The doctor asks her every time she goes in if she has been short of breath, and it has yet to happen. Until last night. She walked into another room to get something that weighed about ten lbs. By the time she got back to her chair she couldn't breathe. She immediately started to panic, which is very common for her as she has had a panic disorder for years. She was convinced she was dying and that we needed to take her to the hospital. Luckily, because I have the same disorder, I know how to calm her down, so I was able to do so. But it was still very difficult. We cried a lot, she talked about not wanting to die. It was the first time that it really hit me that she's going to die. It terrifies me. Plus, it gave me a sign of what is to come. She is going to lean on me a lot as things get worse. Which terrifies me even more. Although, I am glad that I am able to comfort her. I'm sure my dad and sister are somewhat relieved that some of the pressure is taken off of them. I don't blame them. She's also very worried about having another CAT scan tomorrow. They are going to check her liver and her lungs. She has to drink about 32 oz of this solution tonight (which freaks her out) and then again in the morning. They are going to see if the taxotere is working, and if her liver is affected. We haven't had any good news since December, so she is just convinced that this will turn up more bad news. Does anyone have hot flashes that may be associated with the cancer? She's been getting really hot these last few weeks and nothing will cool her down (and she is past menopause). My Grandma said her mother was the same way when she had cancer. She also told me yesterday that she has started talking in her sleep, which she never did before. I imagine that is from the oxycontin or just the combination of all the drugs. As I've mentioned in the past, we are not religious people, but at this time it would be comforting to know that others are praying for us. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Kim, prayers for you and your mom. My wife frequently talks in her sleep, and I am sure it is the medications. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pecola Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Hi, Kim. I can't speak to the physical reasons for your mother's shortness of breath. I'm sure she was terrified though, and was so fortunate to have you there to talk her through it and openingly share her fears and feelings. I think prayers crosses all religious beliefs. I'll be sending some of my version out for you right now. Take care of yourself right now too. Gina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJAS Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Kim, This is a terrifying illness at times, but sometimes a good cry together seems to release some of the stress and makes it easier to face the next step. As the plaque at the cancer park says, "Remember that someone at every stage of this disease has survived." Re: the meds and sleep. They seem to do many strange things with dreams and jerking movements too. There are many ways to connect with a higher power. I have friends of many different faiths than my own and I have them all praying for Steve. I will say a prayer for your family also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tess Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Hi Kim, Well we have more in common, Rob had a panic attack the other day also. He walked outside for a few minutes, turned on the sprinker on the garden. He said that he couldn't get his breath either when he got back in the house and he started to hyperventelate. I wasn't here at the time, I had gone to the store. He was ok by the time I got back. He is also swelling in the ankles and his back. We had our pastor and the church deacons over today and they talked with us and prayed. It made Rob feel so much better. Yes, he has been getting hot too, sweating bad, soaking his shirts. He also got bronchitis and is taking anti-biotics for 10 days. He's getting over that now. He lost half a pound last month, even with drinking 3 or 4 ensures every day, besides 3 small meals a day. This disease is just so bad, I wish we could do more for them, but we really can't. Its up to God now, and if God has to take them, at least they will be out of this miserable pain for good. I will definately pray for us all! Take care, Tess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Your Mom and family are in my prayers always. God Bless you all, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Kim Sorry to hear that this disease is making its presence felt. I will be thinking of you and your Mom and hoping that the CT scan brings some good news for a change. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jana_W Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Hi Kim I am sorry to hear things are not going great, but am hoping that the CT scan shows some better results. I suffer with panic attacks myself, so I can relate to that. They are not much fun at all. I am thinking of you and your Mum and hoping for good news...... with best wishes Jana xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Kim, My only help with be with prayers that I send your way. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Kim I don't have any advice for you, but I want you to know that I understand. Being short of breath is a scary thing. Pls talk to the Doctor about it. God loves us all whether we go to church or not. He lives inside us all, is what I think anyway. So it's not hard to find him. I am also not religuous person in the traditional sense of the word. let us know how things go. love elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brm1949 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Kim, prayers for you and your mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Kim- You do have my prayers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Oh Kim, I'm praying and pulling for you and your mom. There's nothing easy about this journey, is there?! (((((KIM))))) Love & Hugs, Connie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Kim, First of all, let me say how brave and strong of a gal you seem to be!!! Im sure that helping your mom through these panic things is rough since you have the same disorder, but you seem to be doing it great. Second, I think that it is a good thing that your mom opened up to you about her feelings twords dying, because this way, you can help calm her down and tell her that having cancer is not a guaranteed death sentence. My dad was very scared about the same thing, and his situation is turning out better than expected right now. (read profile). When my dad was feeling this way, I printed out peoples profiles who are survivors to prove to him that these great things DO happen to people, and now I am proud to say that I have one to be printed out too! We had months and months of bad news. One bad spell after another, and we always said "Things have GOT to turn up... the good news will be comin soon...and it did" Continue to be there for your Mom, shes gonna need you, and you seem like the right gal to be there. Sorry if this got lengthy...I just hate reading that people are so scared. I think its the worst part of this beast! Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 I wish I could say something that would help make all this seem easier. I have no great words that take away fear or pain or tears. I only can say I totally and completely understand every emotion your going through and it really sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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