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September 25th


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My mom's birthday is this Saturday. I'm in a wedding...the last thing I feel like being a part of on that day, but at least it will keep my mind preoccupied. I just don't know how to get away from the hurt...especially when I am there for the moments that my friend's mom is there to see her daughter get married and to watch them bond on that special day. I was in a wedding in May and I remember when my friend and her mom had that moment and I had to leave because it was hard for me to watch. I feel awful that I'm so selfish like that...but I couldn't hold the tears back...I don't think she noticed, but I already feel emotional about Saturday. Is that normal? I'm feeling nervous because I feel that this wedding will be a double whammy one being that it will be my moms birthday another watching a daughter and mom on the special day. I just think weddings are so special with a mother and daughter. I can't help but be jealous. My friend who is getting married is so sweet, I had to tell her it was my mom's birthday b/c I was worried about my Dad being alone, so she made sure my Dad was invited b/c she knew that day was going to be exceptionally hard for my Dad and I.

I don't visit my mom at the cemetary often...actually I've only been there 3 times since she has died. If I didn't have this wedding, I would have gone to see my mom, but my mom is 2 hours away from where I live and my friends wedding is 2 hours the other way...so there's no way to fit it in. I feel guilt, like I've left my mom...but I just don't think of my mom at the cemetary...in my mind she's in heaven with my grandma.

Sorry, I'm just feeling sorry for myself today and rambling. It's just not fair!!!! My mom would be 57 on Saturday. I miss my mommy. :cry:

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It's completely normal to feel the way you do, and to be "jealous" of your friend and her mother. I'm sure I would feel exactly the same way. The wedding will be very emotional for you with it falling on your mom's birthday. But like you said, maybe it will help to keep your mind preoccupied a bit.

My best friend died on the 4th of July 11 years ago and I have only been to the cemetary a couple of times. I have a VERY DIFFICULT time with that...seeing her name on that marker is just awful. She was only 23 when she died. I think I will feel the same way when my dad dies. We expect that will be any day now. Some people get a lot of comfort from visiting their loved one's grave and others do not. Please don't feel guilty that you are not going on Saturday.

I will be thinking of you on Saturday.


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You don't need to feel guilty, your mom is always with you in spirit. She is no longer in her physical body, but in a spiritual body now. She would want you I'm sure, to go on with your life and have fun. That is what I would want for my daughters! I lost my husband, his ashes sit on his dresser in an urn until we get the headstone back. Then we will bury his ashes at the cemetary. Even though his ashes are in my bedroom I don't consider it "him" . Go have fun and your mom will be smiling on her birthday knowing you are having a wonderful time! :D


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Natalie, I'm sending a BIG hug your way. Your feelings are something that makes us human. You have every right to feel the way you do. I'll be thinking about you this weekend. If your at the wedding/reception and you can't take it, just gimme' a call and I'll hop in the car and bust ya' outta there. If you need anything, please don't hesitate....


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Thank you all so much. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for your kind words and support. I will take them with me on Saturday and remember that I may feel a void without my mom being there but that there are people that understand and I have a multitude of friends on this board.

Thank you!

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Your posts bring tears to my eyes. But they also tell me that you are strong and are getting along even though you hurt.

I don't visit my mom at the cemetary often either. You know, she is not there, she is with you and in you and everything you do.

I don't think you are being selfish, but do try to find the joy in seeing your friend's happiness. Lots of happy times can bring tears of regret.

love you and wish for you fortitude in abundance


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Even though you may not want to go to the wedding, and I don;'t blame you, your mom would say "go nat, be beautiful, smile, laugh, and dance".

It is whawt she would want you to do.

I can only imagine how hard that day will be for you. I am not where you are at yet, but even now, I find myself crying at ocassions like that and feeling jealous that people can enjoy things carefree without such burdens as cancer lurking.

Ready to laugh at me? I was in my sister in laws wedding recently and cried only d uring parts of events where I thought of my mom and she was there. So oh my gosh girl, bring the xanax to sedate yourself and that should help you go through it.

You are strong :) You are my inspiration!

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Hey Nat,

sorry I have been away for so long. I know how you feel., My Mom's birthday is coming up on Oct 13th, and it will be weird to do anything else but think about her on that day. :(

Also you know I don't have a place to remember Mom but in my head, my step father has her ashes and is taking them far away to his family (where I am not welcome) and so I know it can be comforting to go to her grave, it is in your heart she will always be and watching over you, as I know my Mom is with me. Maybe they aer even together watching over us both? Ya know?

HUGS and I hope the wedding went well.

keep in touch please, stephnewyork32@yahoo.com

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