barbara5452

Good luck with the job, what a rewarding career, helping others.....

Wendy you are so right, I hate it. And I feel we are looked down upon and that is not right, who says the smoking caused it or all the chemicals in the meat and vegetables we eat. Who knows, Im sure the smoking didnt help but is it totally to blame ? P__ss on them all......

You are in my prayers, but you must allow your Mom to fight her battle until she is ready not to. That is what is keeping her going, I know when my mom was with hospice they told us it was very important to let them do what they wanted to and have their independence. Your in my thoughts....

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mum.

I had the surgery and I like others found it rough, but do-able. My advice go the extra limit no matter how it hurts and regain your strength. I had my surgery in early Sept and returned to full time work the middle of November...Best of luck

Hi Beth, as said previously alot of hope here dont give up yet.....

Dont know much about what your dad is getting ready to go through with that type of radiation to that area. But my mom has throat cancer and given 6 mos 3 times, she lived 6 years....

Great news, I was thinking anxiety. So glad it was good news......

Great new for you both, Joel you are inspiring me....

Frank, as others have said you were one of the very first to reply to my posts. Its been like you have devoted yourself to reply to every single post and with so much positive engery for all of us. I pray that the Lord give me just part of the strength that you have to get me through this, and I say part because I know others need a piece of that too......

As I read your post my eyes welded with tears and I found myself in a good much needed cry. We try to stay strong for the others around us with our heads in the sand only to not upset the ones we love around us, but yes we feel afraid, angry and sorry for ourselves and wonder almost continuously about the cancer, how long we have, and how to prepare the ones around us. Yet just as you said someone will post something and it gives us the uplift we need just as we need it. This is a wonderful site, and Bill you are wonderful for speaking what we all feel. Thanks

Between Aaron and Bill theres always an interesting read. LOL You both say what some of us are afraid too. Keep it coming........

Tracy hope you are better today, you spoke the words that I feel, my daughter of 17 seems to be handling things well. Leaves me notes daily that she loves me and its all gonna be okay. My son of 24 is the opposite, does not want to talk about it avoids any conversations about it and has stayed away and dug hisself into his work. Which hurts me because he calls his dad but never asked to speak with me. I know people handle things differently but I feel the kids go through just as much as we do. I wonder will I be around to be a grandmother, all that you said is just what we all feel at times. The yo-yo back and forth with our emotions are the worst. Whether we smoked or didnt Im finding it really doesnt matter it is what it is, and we all have to fight and fight even though we sometimes want to give in to the beast. Im positive today but who knows what tomorrow will be. I cant tell anymore...... Together we will all hang in there.

Your words of hope really do help, and day by day I seem to accept things better. There are so many here that have already been through what I am trying to prepare myself for and yet you still have words of encouragement for me. All of you are wonderful and I cherish your kind words. With all of you being so understanding it makes it a little easier to bare the road ahead, I guess acceptance is part for the fight, its there and cannot be changed my goal is to be here posting tomorrow and many years from now and I hope that I have the the gift that all of you all have and that is to bring comfort to someone who is going through the battle in their own minds. Tomorrow is the PET scan and Weds is the biopsy. Those of you who believe in prayer add me to your list as I have for many of you. Thank you all so much.....

Now that the denial,crying and shock has worn off, Im angry, angry at my self and my doctors. After reading all post in this site, why was regular CT's not done on me ? Just a chest xray every few months. I blame myself as well as my doctors. So now here I am going for round two. Why was I not given the option of chemo the first time around as a precaution ? So many questions but only one answer THE BEAST IS BACK. The only positive thing is this time around I will make the calls, But where do I start, do I depend on and trust the same doctors or do I go on a search myself ? I want the best treatment out there do I go to a cancer treatment center or do I just go the a regular oncologist ? I need some guidance. I will be more assertive this time around....

Good to hear that you are tolerating things well, It is looking as though I will be going through the same thing before long. It was very promising for me to hear you are doing well with treatments it makes it a little easier to face what I may be going through. Thanks so much for posted this. Best of luck to us ALL !

Well I went for my follow of the Ct from last week, and I need help in getting my fighting gloves on. Right now Im at a standstill. Report impression: Right mediastinal mass is new from prior study dated 9-4-04 and is most compatible with metastic disease. There are calcified lymph nodes in the hilar regions and a new noncalcified mass seen in mediastinum posterior to the superior vena cava. The mass measures 4.1 x 3.0 cm. Dr says he will schedule PET scan and needle biopsy if speciman cannot be obtained from needle biopsy I will have to have surgery. Lungs clear on CT, Dr says whatever type it is it appears early. Im not so sure it wasnt there this past July. Stayed home from work today cant face the world yet, Im shaking all over.

So sorry for your loss, I have lost both my mom and dad and know what you are feeling. That is what makes what I am going through so difficult, no one to turn to. My dad passed 13 years ago and mom passed 2.5 years ago while I was going through my lung surgery, she had a long illness lasting 6 years. The last two of her life she was confined to a bed and my sister and I cared for her. I know when she finally passed it was sort of a releif for us because we had seen her suffer so much and we finally knew she was in a better place and not in any discomfort any longer. She was a amazing woman, the way she dealt with her illness, hospice had her a total of 3 times during that 6 years, she was just not ready to go, I only hope I can continue to cope like she did. Your nightmares I believe are just because you are unsure where mom is and if she's happy, I belive she is and you have to beleive she is. Tonight when you get ready to fall to sleep say a little prayer asking that comfort being giving to you for a restful sleep. Surprisingly it works I have had to do that myself. Mom will always be with you in spirit and she would not want you to grieve so that it caused you to take a toll on your own health. Just stop and think, would she want you to do that ? I'm speaking as a mother of a 24 and 17 year old, I would not want my kids to halt and grieve to the point of endangering thier own health. I know they would miss me as I would them but life goes on and as a mom I would want them to think of me often, but of good times, good memories, and to know we would one day meet again. I'm not sure if I help but I understand your sadness, and time will heal, say your little prayer today and drift asleep thinking of good things. My prayers are with you.

Frank, dito on all the above, you have inspired me in so many ways. You are truely one of God's children.

Sorry about your loss Trish, I feel we all find support here, whether it be a a cancer with yourself or a loved one. Vent, Vent and Vent we will listen and respond...

Robin, My mother had throat cancer and she was given magic mouthwash which seemed to help. Ask your doc or pharmacy to provide you with the ingredients you just swish it around (dont swallow) and spit it out. I cannot remember the ingredients but we mixed it in a small spray bottle and Mom she sprayed and swished as needed. Hope this helps....

You have no ideal how much better you all have made me feel, I dont feel so alone, such encouragement it is wonderful, Im still depressed but getting the positive thoughts going again thanks to you all. CT has been scheduled for Tues the 2nd, Im trying to prepare for the worst but hoping for the best. Thanks to all of you......

Went for my 4 month xray on the 26th met with doctor for follow up on 27th, chest xray reveals right upper lung lining slightly more promenent than prior film 4 months ago, also the reports states right mediastinal adenopathy cannot not be excluded. Dr says proberly a lymph node scheduled for CT next week. All the old feelings are back, DOOM, my life is at a stand still again, not sure how much more my mind can take, I have so much more to do and to give I'm so depressed again. The unknown, maybe it will be nothing but the close calls and scares are sometimes unbearable. Scared to death again....need words of hope...

What a great plan, I too have slipped smoking a few times and have felt so guilty. I am not smoking like you but I figure I can come up with my own plan that would work for me. Best of luck and keep us posted. We can do this.

Its just hair and last I heard bald was sexy haha/ think of it as a beginning to end that ugly C.... best of luck !