Shelly, I frequently get angry and sometimes at God. I see nothing wrong with letting Him know how you feel. He's a big guy -- He can take it. I think people were just expressing their own beliefs, which get very tested in the kind of journey we are all on. I was mad at God this past weekend, and I told Him so -- also, like a child, I didn't go to church because I didn't feel like it. I am over it now, because God and the many great people He has put in my life love me anyway. So please don't be hard on yourself for expressing how you feel -- that is healthy in my book.
Morphine does make one hallucinate. Lucie is on morphine and we give her enough to manage the pain, but not too much to put her out of her head -- that is very tricky.
Having said that, I do believe in a hereafter and I do think God uses angels to guide us -- some we knew and some we don't know. Hang in there, Shelly. You are not alone in your anger, and we need to work it out in our way so we can continue being productive and supportive to the loved one with cancer. We are enduring a lot, and it takes a lot of love and support and taking care of ourselves, with God's help, so we can endure. Best to you. Don