-Cheryl-

Hello Survivors, I met with my chemo onc today for my 3 mo. folow up. He said that x-ray showed some changes going on in left lung. Now these nodules have been there since the beginning of my diagnosis, but assumed to be benign. They did not light up on my PET scan back in May 2003, nor did they respond to chemo. My onc said "we'll just watch them." Now, he wants to do a CAT scan due to some changes on the chest x-ray, which he said could be "blood vessles or may be nothing." I left his office feeling like I had been run over by a steam roller. I have not been able to concentrate, and am so depressed. Excuse me gentlemen for my next complaint.... but ladies, I have also been having a period since Dec 15 th.. The first one since surgery back in Sept.. I am sure the PMS isn't helping the situation any either. I feel so discouraged inside. If you could, please keep me in your prayers for wed. morning at 8:00 A.M., when I have my PET Scan. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers. Thank you, Cheryl

Hello Friends, I went to my chemo onc for a 3 mo. check up today. He wants me to come back wed. for a full body CT. We have been watching nodules in my left lung since all of this began, but there appears to be some "changes going on." I do not know what that means. Jack was not with me to help me question the doctor. I do recall asking.."If it is cancer then what?" The doctor responded, "biopsy....wait....watch." I guess he did not want to comment till he knows more. I left there to go back to work, really down in the dumps. I am so afraid to get my hopes up, only to be discouraged. I managed to stay focused on the kids I counsel while at work, but once home....the sadness crept back in. I would be truely dead if I became too sick to work with my kids. I suppose that the nodules have been there since the begining; however, I was hoping that they were nothing. It could still be just that..."nothing." The doctor said x-rays may pick up "changes in blood vessels." That is why I am turning to you my friends once again tonight for prayers. I will go wed. morning for the CAT, then meet with the onc following. Thanks for listening, Cheryl

Ray, So glad you're back! What a great looking family! We really missed you and your fighting spirit. I agree with you, 2003 was not a very good year for me either. I was glad to see it go. However, bad or good I am thankful for every blessed day of life. Cheryl

Hey Everyone, What if we had had some sort of icon to to cick on....one that contained an application, or questions included in the already propsed biographies mentioned by Laurie. Information necessary would be about diagnosis, current/ or upcoming treatment, address and phone number, ect.. One could make a referal, or fill it out for themself as a sponsor or a recipient. Perhaps Rick would know more about the capabilities of writing such a program. For instance, could we be matched with someone based on ...location, age, diagnosis, gender, ect.? I sure wouldn't want to volunteer poor Rick, but would it be too much too include this info in perhaps the already poposed biography section? Maybe people could also be notified automaticaly by e-mail of a paired match or something..? I think it would be too difficult to manage manually, but am willing to assist in any way I can. Any ideas anyone? CHERYL

Hello Survivors! I ran across what looked to be a really great web site. It is www.chemoangels.com. As a survivor, you can sponsor somebody going through chemo and treatment. You would be given a buddy to send cards and small gifts too to on a monthly basis while they undergo treatment. You can also make a referral of someone or even fill out an application for your self. I haven't explored it fully yet, but thought it was a neat idea. I thought perhaps we could do something similar with our own group Katie B.. Is there any interest out there to do such a thing? I wouldn't mind sponsoring someone with little gifts that helped me through chemo and some encouraging cards. How bout it folks? Cheryl

I forgot to post the best site- www.lungcanceronline.org. Go to Services and Support, then the Financial and Insurance section!. Cheryl

Happy "New Year!" I found a good web site that offers great information on financial assistance on meds, travel,leagal aid, patient advocacy, dissability, insurance, and insurance appeals to name just some of the help they provide. It is www.cancercare.org. Cheryl

Lilly, I am sending out your post to all my friends and family! Cheryl

Annie, Life is so fragile, and the time we have here on this earth is but a blink of an eye. I am so sad for you and Tim, it hurts all of us here on this board that have invested in your story. I for one, feel as though I know you well by reading your posts. I wish that I were superman, and turn the earth backwards very fast, so that I could undo all the sadness on this board. I would bring back Katie B.'s Dad- Jessie, Lenny, Greg, Ada, too many to name. Better yet, I would go back in time and stop this disease from ever happening! But alas, I can do none of these things. What I can do is pray for you. May God watch over you both and bless you with his divine healing spirit. Cheryl

Rowdy Bob, Ryan, Ellie Mae, Maggie Mae -The Hoovers (AS in vacuums because they never leave a crumb!), plus Cheyene and Chula (which also hace four legs, but whinney instead of bark) all send clover their regards! Cheryl

Ginny, So good to see you post! My sister is a PT and strongly suggests treatment follow any trauma to the body. Chemo is notoriuos for causing aches and pains in the joint, along with muscle weakness. Cheryl

Berisa, So sorry about the news of your Dad. On a positive note, since your Dad has had PCI, the chemo will now be able to penetrate the blood brain barrier and be more effective. Prayers for him are being sent! Cheryl

Heather, thanks for the advice. I am looking for a pilates or yoga class to get into for relaxation.

Laurie, Part of overcoming that fear is standing up for yourself just as you did! Being assertive! You told that guy what you thought of him and that is empowering! That ain't misbehaving! So you might of had a little help with some liquid confidence. Do not feel guilty about speaking your mind or the truth. That is one of the things I hope that our Miss Fay never changes either! WE need advocates like you two! Cheryl

Dave, I got all choked up! I am up for a group hug! Is everyone planning on Dallas in May, to attend the conference for LC survivors and their famlies? I am there!! I only live about 45 miles from Dallas. Cheryl

I pray Dear Heavenly Father for you to restore Andrea's faith. Show her your comfort and peace. Please take away her mother's suffering and pain. If it be you will Dear Lord, I pray that Andrea has more time with her precious mother. Amen

Peg, So glad to see you post! Good to hear about the tumor shrinkage! I am keeping you and Bill in my prayers and thoughts. Cheryl

Dean, I too questioned many of the same things you are questioning now. Still do. I spent till 3:00 am the other night searching the internet for answers, as if God had a web site! Ha! Dean, we will not know the answers to these questions until the time of our passing. So, we must operate on pure faith. That is part of the trial we go through here on earth. I agree with you about God...How could he not exist. Just take one good look around you. I see God in every rainbow, in each sunset, I feel him with the warmth of sunshine all over my face. I cannot imagine heaven being more awsome than earth! Dean, one thing everyone does befor the end of life is review their past. Hopefuly we will have no regrets in life, and feel good about the choices we have made. I suppose it helps us to come to terms with death. You are not dying yet my friend. It sounds as though you have plenty of fight left in you. Dean I respect whatever decision you make, and will not question your choices. However, for me, I will leave this world kicking and screaming. I was told surgery would not increase my survival rate ( I too am 3A). However, I found an agressive, talented surgeon who was willing to take a risk, but only if the treatment shrunk the mediastinal lymph nodes. It worked, and I was declared cancer free after my surgery. I will not lie, the treatment was not fun. It really was not that bad though, especially compared to the alternative. Even if it only buys me more time, I would do it again. Dean, pm me if you need to talk. I may not have your answers, but will lend an ear. Cheryl

Laurie, Good for you! I love what you are doing for the LC cause. If evryone would use their talent, what ever that may be, we accomplish great things. We create our own obsticles and barriers by our fears. I suggest you simply act "as if", act as if you are fearless and love being in the spotlight. When you keep feeding your mind negative self-talk, you buy into those thoughts....Well, same holds true for postive thoughts, eventually you will begin to believe them. Instead of telling yourself "I am scared."..say to yourself "I a excited." If you change the belief about the thought, then the consequence or end result will be different. Break a Leg!!! Cheryl

Welp, That time of year is upon us again to make those infamous New Year Resolutions. I am interested in what all of you have planned? Let me see......Smoking? I did that one before I was even diagnosed with cancer!!! Exercise more and eat better- that is a given. But on a deeper level.....I plan on trying to let go of "fear." I have been planing little homework assignments for myself to get out of the house more and do things on my own. Don't laugh, but what kept me from doing more things on my own was the thought that I might have a seizure from brain mets, that I didn't know I had. You can't live life like that. Now I feel that if I die, atleast I will be doing something that want to be doing!!! I also vow to become more of an activist for our LC cause. I applied for a grant to get some tobacco settlement money for educational materials for tobacco awareness. I will use my therapy skills to counsel kids about substance abuse and tobacco use. Hopefully, I will be approved for some of that money and it will go for the purpose it was intened, rather than raises for polticians! Anyways, let me hear from you about your New Years Resolutions. Cheryl

Thank you everyone for your continued support. Not even my family can cheer me up like you guys do. I love you all!!! Cheryl

Fay, My hair has come back with a vengence! It is dark, thick, and very curley. I bought my husband an ear trimer for Christmas, but it looks like I need it more than him to cut what I call my "chops." I have that white peach fuzz all on the sides of my face like "chops." Mon. will be my first day at work with out my wig. I wish my hair were a tad longer, so I could style it. I am just thrilled to have hair again. I got to tell you though, this hair is nothing like my old hair. People who have known me for years do not even recognize me! I admit that my hair was highlighted, and that could have something to do with it, but chemo has totally changed the texture!!!! I got compliments on my wig from complete strangers all of the time, who thought it was my real hair. I love the conveinence of not having to style the wig, but it has become incrediably itchy, and matts up in the back due to the length of it. My wig was not cheep-$185, and my insurance (Humanna- shame on them) refused to pay for it, even with a script from my doctor. I hope your hair comes back with a vengence also Miss Fay! Cheryl

Kim, I lost my parents right after christmas within two weeks of one another from cancer. I can also remember feeling disbelief and a sense of unrealness. It was the hardest thing I had ever experienced in my life. You have heard the old expression that "time heals." It is true, it does get better with time. I am so very sorry for you and your family. God Bless, Cheryl

Hey Girl, How was your Christmas? Christmas is so much fun when you have a little one the age of your angel. I love the picture you have posted of the two of you together. Becky, I am glad your doctor referred you back to MDA. I have a nodule in my other lung which the doctor has been wathcing. I am praying that your nodules are benign. How has the breathing and coughing been going? Praying for an effective treatment and cure. Cheryl

Hello LCS Friends, It seems as if there has been such sad news on this board lately. I haave read all of your posts and wat you all to know you are all held close to my heart and in my prayers. So many new faces, which also saddens me. This disease just takes and takes. The beast's appetite never wains, as we send in more reinforcements to fight the battle. AS many of you know, I went back to work fulltime at about 3 1/2 weeks after surgey. No, I am no superhuman "able to leap tall buildings with a bound" Just ran out out of FEML time, and was at risk of losing my job with insurance. It was hard at first, both physically and mentally. I was so tired intially, but slowly my energy has returned. I think now that my iron level is up, I feel better. I am not as short of breath when I walk dailey either. The coughing is all but gone. But when I do cough, it hurts inside my lung. I think I can taste the metal from the multitude of staples used in my surgery. Especially, if I cough up sputum. And sneezing is unbearable!!! Could these staples cause pain in the lung? Has anyone else experienced this? I am also having some pain in my spine, upper-middle back. It could be from my trying to do everything that I use to do and more. I am determined not to wast a minute of life! I have an appt to see my onc on Jan 5th, I will ask for a bone scan since I have never had one. Psychologically, work has been good for me. It takes my mind off of me and my cancer for a while. Being able to help others is empowering, but draining too. I haven't much left to give to people sometimes. My job allows me to see both good and evil, God's beauty and the ugliness of our human condition. It pains me to even discuss it, so I won't. I will do my best to focus on what is good and God's perfect love for us. I wish that I could be so forgiving. Merry Christmas! Cheryl