Sharon,
I wonder if Mike doesn't want the surgery because he doesn't think it will make a difference in the long run. So many people hear the words "lung cancer" and then think there is nothing that can be done for them. There is also a perception that treatment is worse that the disease. Those perceptions may have been true at one time, but are not anymore. At 1b he has a good chance of, if not a complete cure, a good and long remission. I haven't had the surgery so I can't speak to how hard it is, but others here have and will offer their experiences.
Has Mike talked to other LC patients? It seems like you both have talked to a lot of doctors, but maybe if he talked with people who have been through the surgery then he would be making a decision based on a more complete understanding of the process. He might also be able to talk to someone who has confronted their fears and can help him with that.
I also wonder (and please don't read this as blame because I don't mean it in that way) if he just doesn't want to have to quit smoking again. People tell me that quitting smoking is one of the hardest things they've ever done and if he is stressed by everything else, his smoking may something he feel he just doesn't want to give up. Or maybe subconsciously he blames himself and doesn't think he really deserves to be treated. If it is one of the things that he feels like he needs during this stressful time, I can see why he might resist giving it up. Again, this isn't blame, but it could be a reason.
Ok, I'm way beyond my pay grade (which would be 0) on the psychoanalysis. Ultimately it is his decision, but it also affects you. You should at least have the opportunity to say what you think about his choices. Being supportive does not always mean agreeing with everything someone wants to do just because they want to do it.
Good Luck,
Susan