stand4hope

This is for you, Kasey, and for Becky, and I forget who else asked to see these pictures. I wanted to wait until it was all finished, but it was such a pretty, sunny day today, and no snow, that I went ahead and took some pictures of the new sunroom and deck I added to my home. I'll post pictures of the new bedroom later. Oh, and be sure to notice that one of my doggies, Daisy, slinkered into one of the pictures! http://home.indy.rr.com/theperrymans Peggy

Make up!

Love, Peggy

Dear Tina, I am praying for that miracle!!!!!! Hang in there, and God bless you! Love, Peggy

Dear Carleen, You are not doing anything wrong. You are doing and have done everything right. In Mark 11:24, Jesus didn't say when. If Jesus had wanted us to know when, He would have said "now" or "next week" or "while you are still living." My Don is healed - now! So, my prayer for him has been answered. He wasn't healed then, but he is healed now! Keith could still be healed now, but if he isn't, he will eventually be healed. Carleen, God's plan is bigger than us and bigger than we can comprehend. The absolutely most profound and impactive thing I have ever heard on this website or anywhere are the four words "We are all terminal." Those words put lung cancer, accidental death, death of a child, death from any cause into perspective for me. And----I heard those words here long before Don was ever even close to death, yet they still gave me comfort because they put this whole thing of sickness and the possibility of death into perspective. Even Lazarus eventually died, and with your Bible knowledge, I'm sure you know that story! Some day Keith will die - but not today! Some day you will die, too. Some day every single person that responded to you on this thread will die. In fact, the minister at Don's memorial service said that everyone in the room was dying and Don was the one that was living. Any verse of the Bible must be considered with all the rest of the verses in the Bible. Jesus also said that in this world we would have tribulation. He also talked a lot about heaven (because he knew we were going to die and go there). The problem, of course, is those of us who are left here to try to live and cope and keep breathing. You aren't left alone right now without Keith, yet you are suffering from what's called anticipatory grief which is exceedlingly painful. You MUST do what Ry said. You MUST get help!!! I did! When I was where you are right now, I sought counseling from a qualified Christian counselor/pastor who shared the same beliefs as me. You simply MUST take a couple of hours away from Keith, 2 or 3 times a week if necessary, and go talk to someone who knows how to help you through this. Counseling will not only help you, but the counseling you receive will also help Keith because you will be different around him. If it is not meant for Keith to recover, it is imperative that he knows that you will be ok and that you will do whatever is necessary to remain ok. Please, please, please PROMISE ME you will get some help! OK? I care. Love, Peggy P.S. And always remember this: There is always hope.

Yes, it is, Karen. It's very hard. There's nothing but time, love, support, prayer, keeping busy and being patient with yourself that will get you through it. But, get through it, you will. I'm still here, still alive, and still able to smile and have happy days. At times, I have felt like I would literally die myself from the intense sadness, but I haven't. Keeping busy and remembering that you were so blessed to have Ken in your life will pull you up when those intense times hit you - and they will. May God bless you, Karen, with happy memories of your beloved, Ken. Love, Peggy

Dear Don, I had to laugh, too, because you're right. I criticized you for judging a "person", and you are justified in criticizing me for judging your "opinion". Judging is judging - no matter how it's done. I apologize for being judgmental of your opinion. I just became engulfed in rage when you called this young lady's mother stupid. My strong opinion is that she is absolutely NOT stupid. In addition, my opinion is this: If you had said "smoking is stupid", I would have agreed with you, but you said "she is stupid." With that, I do not agree. And to the author of this post, I see her name is Rochelle, I say this: Dear Rochelle, I understand that you do not understand why your mom is smoking again. Nobody really understands it. My opinion is that your mother is probably as intelligent as every other person on this website, knows the consequences of smoking, and is smoking either because she chooses to or doesn't believe that she can quit because she is addicted. In my opinion, your mom knows you don't understand, and to avoid conflict, criticism or judgment, she hides her smoking. I believe that most smokers have strong feelings of guilt about smoking, whether they are sick or not. To know that others condemn them or criticize them INCREASES those feelings of guilt, which in turn increases the very behavior that needs to change. There are no guarantees that loving someone and accepting them like they are will change their behavior, either, BUT there is almost assuredly a guarantee that pushing them will drive them further into the behavior you so much want to stop. In Al-Anon you are taught, like Kathi said, to love the addict but hate the addiction. You are taught to let the person suffer the consequences of their behavior, no matter how much it hurts you. You are taught that you should not do anything to enable their behavior and taught to get away from the situation if it is more than you can bear. But most importantly, you are taught to keep your mouth shut and not try to change the person. The person already knows how you feel, knows they need to change and when (or if) they are ready, they will change. Any nagging, hinting, brochures, using other people, etc., etc. will not help. Positive encouragement, MOSTLY ACCEPTANCE, could help. If the subject of smoking comes up, if you "catch" her smoking or know she has been smoking, an encouraging comment might go something like this: "Mom, I know you're smoking and you don't have to hide it from me. I love you just the way you are - smoking or not. I don't understand it, and I'm afraid, but only because I want you to live and be in my life for a very long time. But, Mom, I really do love you just like you are, and I know that when you're ready to quit, you can do it!" Love and hugs, Peggy P.S. Don, thank you for your words of sympathy. I'm sorry I lost my husband, too. He, too, thought smoking was stupid and hated the smell of it, but he never stopped loving the smokers in his life, and he never thought they were stupid.

Yes, we do! No, she isn't. She's addicted. SLAM DUNK! Their job is to treat the sick - not judge the sick! SLAM DUNK! I don't know what SHE would say, but I would say any doctor that did say that (or anyone else) was a self-righteous, pompous a**! SLAM DUNK! Like you, she will hopefully depend on the Lord! He died for our sins - ALL OF THEM, understands our weaknesses, didn't even turn his back on David for his incredible weaknesses, and even forgave the sinner beside him on a cross. SLAM DUNK! Maybe they did and you didn't listen. Even if someone did tell you, you would have been annoyed and not done it until you were ready. Even if someone did not "tell you", you knew for 35 years it was harmful and could cause cancer, but it took you 35 years to stop. How dare you sit in judgment of others! That's God's job and you're not God! SLAM DUNK! SLAM DUNK! SLAM DUNK! Peggy

Dear Eppie, I didn't expect to read this, either, and I am so very sorry for this great loss to you and your family. Sending you love, hugs and prayers! Love, Peggy

Dear Sandy, I am so sorry. I pray for that God will strengthen you and your family to get through the days and years ahead with his love and comfort. YES!! CELEBRATE his wonderful life!! Love, Peggy

P.S. Teri, Gemzar was good to Don, too, and gentle - he had almost no side effects - same with Carboplatin. Love, Peggy

YES! YES! YES! Teri - I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOUR POST! I love you, girlfriend, and I have achingly missed you. You go girl and beat that cancer to mush! I hope the soreness disappears soon and please know that I will be praying every single day for good scans. Stay in touch now, you hear!!! Love, Peggy

Hi again, Lisa. What a rough time you've had the past 2+ years. I would be crushed, too, about the family thing. I haven't had that with my family, they have all been wonderful and I don't know what I would do without them. I have with a few friends, though. I guess they are afraid they might hear about my "incident", so I'm out of the loop now. I am so hoping that your homecare work will give you the comfort and reward you deserve and need. Keeping busy will help you to keep putting one foot in front of the other until one day you will find yourself able to smile and be happy again. It just takes time. Sending you love and hugs, Lisa! Peggy

Dear Lori, All of this has got to be so hard for you mom. I'm sure at one time she was madly in love with your SF, and she probably still has a soft spot in her heart for him and hopes that things could maybe still be different. She must be feeling very sad that he doesn't offer to take care of her himself and that he is being so difficult. She must feel so torn apart. I think more than anything I wish I could give your mom a big hug right now. I'm not trying to take anything away from you, honey. I know this has been a nightmare for you, too, that you are your mom's best friend right now, best advocate, and the best caregiver ever. I guess I just felt the broken hearted love of a wife in need of love from her husband in those words. Please give your mom a special hug from me. I'm sending a big one for you, too! Love, Peggy

Hi Cindy, I totally missed this post but came looking for it when I saw your other Bahama post. I think your feelings DO make sense! I don't have lung cancer, Cindy, so I can't identify and say I understand, but I can identify with the anxiety, tension, worry, and stress (there are probably more emotions I could name) that precede scans. Those times for me were actually the worst thing about all of lc. Every time we got a "stable" report for Don, I was actually depressed for a while. Not because he was stable; of course I was happy he was stable. It was because I would wonder, how long, how long, how much longer? What will it be the next time? I can see that after years of going for these scans over and over and over again that the anxiety in itself is mentally draining. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes, and I think that I, too, would be grateful for positive results, but be depressed at the same time wondering if I was going to have this constant stress and fear hanging over me for the rest of my life! I don't think that it's going to continue to be that way for you, Cindy (the worry, stress, etc.). You are now five years out, and instead of "the further I go, the more scared I get," as you know, the statistics say that "the further you go, the better your chances get." As you chalk up more and more NED reports, especially now that you've hit the BIG 5-year mark, I'm thinking (and praying) that your confidence in the fact that you have gone past the point of no return, will increase, and that the mental stuff will settle down. On the guilt thing, try to let it go, if you can. Your friends that have passed would be ecstatic to know how well you are doing. I, personally, even though I have had a huge loss, have nothing but tears of joy for anyone that beats it. And like pammie said, the very fact that you are here, gives so much hope to others with sclc. Now, about the kids from your other post. Got room for one more? I'll even buy the food. LOL! Hang in there, kiddo. We love you! Love, Peggy

Ok, here's another silly one, but it can turn a "sometimes" annoying thing into a fun thing. If your hubby or wife have constant control of the remote and they are a channel flipper (which drives you crazy), instead of fighting about it, here's the "wise" thing to do: Go to WalMart, buy an inexpensive universal remote control (just be sure your TV brand will work with it), take it home, and set it up according to the directions to work with your TV. When he/she starts flipping channels, just flip it right back with your own new "concealed" remote control. Once he/she figures out what you're doing, I guarantee a good laugh. (Been there - done that!) Peggy

If you are about to have a medical procedure done and the nurse comes up to you and takes hold of your hand, jump up and run - QUICK before it's too late! Peggy

Don, I am so grateful to you for this update. I can't even tell you how much I miss Teri being here. We PM'd quite a bit, and I just miss her. She is such a sweet and caring person. Any chance I can get the name of the hospital where she's going? I'd like to send her a card or something. Love, Peggy

Dear Karen, I hope you got through today ok. I know you said it wasn't any different than missing him every other day, but I'm not so sure I believe you. If I were a betting person, I'm thinking today was a hard one for you, or you wouldn't even have come here and told us about it. I KNOW that our anniversary will be the hardest day for me every year. I understand the cover up for Faith's sake. I do the same thing with my son and he's a great big grown up. In fact, it wasn't until Don died and I experienced this loss for myself that I ever even thought how much my dad must have been hurting after my mom died - he hid it from us kids. I always just assumed he was doing ok. Now that I'm hiding it from my son, I feel really bad knowing how my dad must have felt. I often wish that I would have talked to him about it more than I did. I just didn't know! We just do what we have to do for our kids, don't we? I miss seeing you here, Karen. I hope you are well, enjoying your new home and getting through each day with some happy times. Much love to you, Peggy

Oh, Karen, I was so blessed by your words. You and Rich were a God-send to Rich's dad. You sound like a wonderful, just wonderful, caring person. I'm so sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family. Love, Peggy

Just a little side note. See those evergreens off to the left? Don planted those just 12 years ago and they were itsby bitsy in size, so small that I swore they would never grow. They were maybe 12" tall. The two that you can see fully in the picture were the smallest. There's a small grove of them on to the left that you can't see and they are huge. They were a little taller when he planted them, maybe 24-30". He cut down a huge, very old Sycamore tree and replaced them with these evergreens. Our neighbors were not happy with him, but the Sycamore was quite ugly and thin. Anyway, he told them to just wait and see. He was right! Just thought I'd brag on my man a little bit with a little history. Love, Peggy

Ok, I tried a different website. Don, Larry & Ginny, can you see them now?

Oops! You know what? I think we aren't talking about the same Bill. There's another Bill, username icbn, isn't there? Well, would it be ok then if we make this a call to both Bills to check in?

I'm very concerned. I sent Bill an email several days ago and he hasn't replied. He doesn't check his PMs anymore for personal reasons. I'll send him the link to this thread to be sure he knows we're concerned and thinking about him. Love, Peggy

Dear Lynne, We already talked, but I forgot to tell you that I saved all those warm, fluffy towels you cybermailed to me a while back. I'm sending them right back to you! They're a little worn now, but they are still warm and fluffy and will fit in your suitcase. Love you! Peggy